ANDREW THOUGHTS

These are some of the things that I think throughout the day.

If Native American's call corn, "maize," and we have corn mazes, would they call them a maize maze? Is their word for a maze, "corn?" If so would they call it a Maize corn? Or would they just use our English word corn and call it a corn corn? 

If, "the best things in life are free," and they say, "Nothing is free in life," then is there nothing good in life???

When you stay out late or go to bed very late people call you a "night owl." Why would they say the word, "night," aren't all owls out at night? Shouldn't they just call you an owl? 

If we have taught gorillas and chimps sign language how come we have never asked them why they throw their crap? I don't think they can tell us anything about themselves that we don't already know, other than why they throw their own crap. Maybe someone should explain to them what crap is and why they shouldn't be throwing it around. 

I heard a Bigfoot hunter once say he wanted to prove Bigfoot was real so we could pass laws to protect it. Protect it? I'd say Bigfoot is already doing a pretty good job of protecting itself considering it's never been caught, shot, run over, or found dead. 

I think if dogs ever go extinct we would automatically give the title of, "Man's Best Friend," to cats but it would be like when your best friend moved away when you were a kid and you had to get a new best friend and it just wasn't the same and the whole time you wished you had your old best friend back because they were so much better. If dogs are Man's Best Friend, then cats must be, "Man's Standby."

I doubt Willy Wonka paid his Oompa Loompas but even if he didn't he still had to feed them, clothe them, educate them, and give them a place to sleep. The water and electric bills for all those little guys alone would be in the thousands every month. I'm not sure it was worth having them work for him. 

The reason why hot dogs come in packages of 10 and hot dog buns come in packages of 8 is not a mystery to me. The hot dog companies and the hot dog bun companies are working together and came up with a genius master plan to sell more products. When you get a pack of hot dogs you say, "Oh I won't have enough buns if I only get one pack of buns." So you buy another pack of buns but then you say, "Oh, well now I'll have so many more buns than hot dogs, so I better get another pack of hot dogs." Then you realize you'll have way more hot dogs so you get another pack of buns and you leave the store with 3 packs of hot dogs and 3 packs of buns when you really only wanted one of each. Mystery solved. 

When I was 5 years old I set the living room rug on fire. In all the spanking and yelling that went on did anyone ask where my parents were while I was setting the fire? I think I was blamed for it so I could be the scape goat in a big poor parenting cover up. 

Look up bird feeders when you have the chance. They all say how they are squirrel resistant. There are also a ton of anti-squirrel products that you can get to protect your bird feeders from squirrels. Why does it matter if the squirrels get some food too??? What did they ever do to anyone??? You are willing to feed every bird in the neighborhood but God forbid if a squirrel should get one seed??? I say if you're feeding one type of vermin, then feed them all! 

In college I once watched a squirrel burry a nut, I promptly ran up and the squirrel ran to a tree, I then dug up the acorn as the squirrel watched from the nearby tree. I held up the nut so he could clearly see I stole it and I told him I was taking it because it was mine now. I swear to you that squirrel had a surprised and confused look on his face. He didn't move, he just stared at me right in the eyes. Their obsessive burying of nuts is so annoying, as if they are paranoid anyone wants their stupid nuts. Well, their worst fear was realized that day when I proved that someone does. It's funny how animals can show human emotions when given the chance. 

If cartoons have taught me anything it is that Amnesia and quicksand are two very real threats to people. How come no one you know has ever experienced either one? I'm starting to think they're not going to happen to me.

How come you can only buy 100% Orange Juice? Where are the other percentages like milk? Maybe I don't want 100% maybe I want 80/20 like hamburger meat. I think there should be many different percentages to choose from and the worst quality being the container that says, Orange "Juice."

I feel bad for Yield signs. Yield signs have to be the most ignored signs of all time. People treat them as if they are completely optional and the option they always choose is to ignore them.

Do hamsters ever think they are getting somewhere on those wheels of theirs?

I watched a show where a couple bought and moved into an old fire house. They got a dog, a black and white dog but it WASN'T a Dalmatian. That's the most messed up thing I've ever heard of in all my life.