Tuesday, November 19, 2013


One of the most recognizable and famous buildings in all of Dallas is the Reunion Tower, located in downtown Dallas. It actually is a revolving restaurant, the kind you see in tv and movies and think, are those things real? Well, yes, yes they are. This giant ball spins and you can see all of Dallas lit up at night while you dine on expensive food! The perfect spot for a fancy, romantic, memorable evening, right? WRONG. This place SUCKS and I'm going to share exactly why I think so.

As you might expect, a restaurant that rotates so you get a 360 degree view of a beautiful city would have a very high class expensive menu, and Reunion Tower is no exception. Shouldn't the food be wonderful for the price of it? You would think so but not here. I may be getting ahead of myself, let me start from the beginning.

I had reservations, as you know a classy restaurant takes reservations and it's part of the fun and experience. At the door, and by door I mean the bottom of the tower, we were stopped by a guard asking if we did in fact have reservations because if not, we could not start our ascent. This part was actually cool and I was able to say, why yes, yes I do have reservations! He just got done stopping a family from trying to go up to the top so right away I was pleased. Unfortunately this is where the good things ended for the evening.

Once you arrive at the top of the tower and get off the elevator I was surprised that my first reaction was to how loud the place was. It sounded like a sports bar or the inside of a restaurant kitchen, this surprised me because I was expecting a romantic quiet enchanting evening, not a club scene. Excuse me for being a romantic but nothing says NO romance like a sports bar. It was at this point when I spotted my first, (but not my last) person wearing jeans, which was a strict rule in their dress code, NO JEANS ALLOWED. Well, there were a ton of jeans up there and quite honestly, that pissed me off. Have some class. OR go to a sports bar where they love jeans and eat wings, I wanted a fancy classy romantic dinner and jeans have no place in that kind of setting.

The place was packed, not just with people, but tables and the entire area was very cramped and small, this also surprised me, I'm not sure why I expected more room but in my mind I did. I think the reason was simple, more people, more money, so let's cram as many people as we can get in at one time to make the most money off of them. Well that sucks for being romantic when people are very close to you and it's very loud because there are so many people. There is an actual bar area and people were standing there drinking and watching baseball on some big tv's. Again, this surprised me because I didn't expect a bar scene up there.

 We were led to our "table" I use the term loosely because it was the size of a chess board. Not only was it small but I kid you not, it wasn't even near a window......................right................not near a window............in a rotating tower made for the view, the table was not next to the window................seriously..............honestly, not near a freaking window people! First of all, what the hell??? Why would there be tables not next to a window in that place? I was actually kind of furious at this point because the mini table was facing a WALL, but don't worry folks, it was a glass wall so I did get a great view of the people eating in front of me! When I wanted to see the view I had to look beside me and right over the next table, (that one was right up against the window) and the poor people just had to deal with me looking right over their over priced dinner. Even had I been placed at a window table the view wasn't that great because there were so many lights inside that it caused major glare so I saw some of the city with myself looking back at me for most of the night. Now at this point I said to myself, wait just a damn minute.....I had a reservation and THIS is the table I get??? Please excuse my vulgarity but the Reunion Tower gets a big FUCK YOU for that one.

Now in comes the worst part of the night, the waiter, Vince. The biggest dickhead asshole waiter I have EVER had at any place including fast food places. He started out by bringing us the wrong wine, thanks Vince, you horse's ass, I'm sure he didn't care, after all wine is so cheap and all, why not pay for the wrong kinda. Next he brought us the menu, wait until you hear about this! We will come back to Vince as there is much more to say about this spineless prick later.

The menu attempted to be upscale and fancy and as we know rich people eat the worst tasting food. The menu wanted to be Asian cuisine as many of their specialties were Asian sounding but in the end it just all sucked. We both ordered the overpriced salmon. No where did it mention this dish being a spicy one, I know that for sure because I especially avoided spicy food as I can't stand it and it causes acid reflux in me. They brought out a complimentary tiny plate of asparagus covered in God knows what and it really sucked and made us honestly question if it was just left overs from some other guest's plate. The 40 dollar salmon came and it was about 4-5 inches long. 40 dollars......for that, I know. EACH, not for both, each tiny salmon dinners were 40 bucks but hey they came with a bowl of white rice, the most elegant of all rices I suppose??? Uncle Ben's rice to be exact, that is if I had to guess, it was that quality. I take one bite and I have to reach for the water as I start to gag with the amount of hot spice in my mouth. This salmon was COVERED in that stupid Japanese hot sauce shit, what's it called? Wasabe? I was pissed but thought the next bite would be better.....nope. I said, there is no way I can eat this, it's far too spicy for me. Not the waiter's fault, but for my taste it is just too spicy. Now, when I pay 40 dollars for a bite sized piece of salmon and it sucks ass, I expect to get treated like a king with apologies and offers of something else or the meal being free. Note, I would not have taken any of these offers but I did EXPECT them to be made. NOT A SINGLE FUCKING WORD FROM VICE THE FUCK FACE.

After a long time I hadn't had more than one bite, this was clearly obvious. I know what you're saying, why didn't you tell the waiter? Why didn't he ask when he came to check on us? Good questions you guys! Number one, Vice the dick NEVER CAME TO CHECK ON US ONE TIME. And two, at the end of the night if the person didn't eat their dinner at all, they shouldn't have to say anything to anyone about it, it should have been asked to them by the waiter because it's their job and it's the restaurant's job to please the customer. Now I'm starting to get mad because this isn't Denny's for crying out loud, it's the nicest place in Dallas!!! Where is the service??? Let me tell you where Vince was, after all I had a perfect view of this cockbag through my invisible wall.

Vince is walking around and I see him through my glass wall and I see him spot my plate of uneaten food and me sitting there looking pissed. He then ROLLS HIS EYES, stops in his tracks and turns around and walks the other way. I can only assume he has had this happen to him before because I just believe the food at Reunion Tower sucks. I see him talk to a fellow waiter and he actually POINTS AT ME, again, I know this because of my clear wall, and I see that guy look over. Soon it's time to clear the table, so now I know Vince will have to confront me and IF I was going to be nice, that went out the window. Low and behold, Vince himself does NOT come to clear the table, the other waiter he was talking to does, and this guy doesn't say one word about the uneaten food, he just takes the plate and leaves. I was like, WOW, really??? What a pussy Vince is but surely he has to return with the check right???

I'm waiting for Vince and then he walks by and just slaps down the check without me even seeing him because he did it behind my back!!! I was like, WHAT THE....WHERE DID THAT COME FROM....I paid for both dinners because that is how I am. They weren't worth 40 bucks each and the service wasn't worth a cent but I paid and placed the check right in front of me on the other side so he would have to take it in front of me. Vince quickly walked by and grabbed the check off the table without saying one word and without stopping, he just walked by and grabbed the bill in one smooth motion. What a dick head. Vice I hope you read this some day, you're a jerk.

 For those of you wondering I did give Vince a tip, the standard 15% on our bill. Overall the entire dinner bill was over 100 bucks. I spent 100 bucks to eat white rice. Not worth it in any way. The only cool thing of the night was a guy proposed to his girlfriend right in front of us, I mean I saw it because of my clear wall but that was pretty neat. Other than that, I think this place sucks but that is just my two cents......and 100 dollars.

Extra about Vince. Vince you're a jerk.....you're a jerk. Here I am, trying to have a nice romantic dinner, and you're a shitty waiter that isn't fit to work at Burger King. You're a jerk. Enjoy that big tip you prick, I hope you went home and said, Geez that was a nice classy guy because I didn't deserve any tip, let alone the full tip for a dinner that expensive. He didn't do his job, and what little of his job that he did try to do, he messed up. Without Vine the place still sucked but he just was the icing on the cake. A tip, I should have broken the tip of my shoe off in his ass.

Maybe I sound entitled, maybe I should uppity and rude for wanting to be treated like royalty but the truth is I don't act like that unless the situation allows for it. A place like that should treat you like a king because it's part of the experience, this isn't a sports bar or your local dive. If a place has a dress code and charges you triple digit prices....you should get treated like the most special guest they've ever had, every time you go, by any waiter, on any night, for any reason, period. Reunion Tower did none of these and in fact, did the opposite. I would return someday hoping that this night had only been a fluke, but I don't have high expectations, as I did the first time.

In the end, The Reunion Tower wrote a check their reputation couldn't cash.