Wednesday, October 29, 2014


Halloween is upon us again. A time for tricks, treats, and candy. But above all these, is candy. If you're like me or the average 13 year old, you have enough money to buy candy on your own in pretty much any store out there,'re going to go door to door begging for it like some homeless bum, aren't you? Don't be ashamed! Be ashamed of how much you paid for that Olaf Snowman costume that you're going to wear with your daughters as they go trick-or-treating.

Here are some CHEAP costume ideas that won't have your bank account frozen in fear! (over drafts) All you will need is a black blanket and maybe one or two household items and you can make your Halloween dreams into Halloween fun!

Find a black blanket and tie it around your neck.....the tighter the better. You have a black cape! Now you are ready for a ton of different costumes! The first of which is that famous Halloween classic, The Headless Horseman! Just tell people that it was BEFORE he lost his head.

Keeping the cape on, use some eye liner and draw a black mask around your eyes. There won't be much eye liner left, but what is left over use to draw a thin mustache and you have an instant Zorro! You can find black eye liner where your wife or girlfriend keeps her makeup. Don't tell her what you're using it for or she won't let you waste it.

Ever wonder what to do with that broken plate?? Just add it to your black cape and you have Andrew Lloyd Webber's singing jerk, the Phantom of the Opera! This costume is only cost effective IF you already have a broken white plate. Breaking a plate for this costume might be fun but it isn't as cheap as it could be. Just draw an eye hole with that eye liner makeup and the mask is complete. Take some duct tape and wrap it around your head and you'll be ready to terrorize the neighborhood!

Do you have a lazy child? Sure we all do. After the first 3 houses your little brat is going to be whining about how tired or cold or bored they are. You COULD smack them OR you could turn them into a costume, which is even better! Take that black cape idea and give your child a piggy back ride. Just keep the cape over your kid as your carry them around. Walk with a limp and the illusion is complete! You're a hunch back with a living, breathing, annoying hump!

Let's say you have a lazy kid but they are too lazy to hold on to your back for the Hunchback costume idea. Put your blanket down on the ground and have them sit in the middle. Take the four corners and bring them together over the child's head and pick it up like a satchel. Now carry them over your shoulder and you'll be the best kidnapper in town! You'll get double the candy too!

Are you hairy? Do you have red hair? Do you have milky-white skin? If you answered YES to any or all of these questions then I have the perfect cheap costume idea for you! Take that black blanket and this time tie it around your waist, not your throat. Next, take off your shirt. Voila! You are an Irish guy from Ireland! Tell people it's a kilt because they'll ask why you're wearing a skirt.

Remember that terrifying movie E.T.? I still get chills just thinking of that horrible monster! Well now you can freak out your neighbors with my cheap E.T. costume! Take that blanket again, or any blanket and put it over your head and poke your face through. Now find any old cardboard box, it doesn't even have to be yours, there are a ton of these things just lying around dumpsters behind department stores. (Make sure you aren't stealing a homeless guy's house) Pull the box up to your waist and there you have it! E.T. when he was riding in the bike basket!

Nothing says Halloween like that saint, Mother Teresa. For this costume you will need to follow the steps for the E.T. costume minus the box. That's what I call cheap and easy Mother Teresa!

All hail mighty Caesar in all his glory!  Take off your shirt and pants. Take that blanket again or any blanket and tie it around your neck. Slip one of your arms through the neck hole for a toga! Find any bush outside and pull some leaves off and stick them behind your ears for the perfect Julius Caesar costume! You'll look so much like Caesar that you'll have to keep checking behind your back to make sure Brutus isn't coming to stab your ass!

Take that blanket again and tie it around your crotch and waist for a big diaper looking thing. Now you are a sumo wrestler! This works better the fatter you are, HOWEVER, if you're skinny just tell people that you're a sumo wrestler in training. Then go get some of that free candy!

If white ghosts are scary, then an invisible ghost must be ten times scarier! (math may be incorrect) Just put that black blanket over your body and cut some eye holes. A black colored blanket ghost makes you invisible in the pitch black night time! You'll be haunting the neighborhood all night long as you walk down the middle of the street!

Truly there isn't anything more terrifying than the thought of a Kardashian sister coming into your room at night to kill you in your sleep. Be the most terrifying and popular person on your block with this cheap costume idea! Take your black blanket and a rubber band (gum band if you live in Pittsburgh, PA). Wrap the blanket around your head and hold it in place with the rubber band. Now it looks like you have long black hair! Make sure when you talk you use the word, "like," in every sentence and you'll be mistaken for one of those bitchy, undeserving, spoiled Karashian sisters all night long!

Not the super hero but the human bat person YOU'RE going to be! Take the black blanket and tie it around your neck. Grab the two ends with your two free hands and hold on. Flap as you walk. You're a big black human bat! You can also bring some fruit and say you're a fruit bat.

Here's a great idea! Take a blanket and spread it out on the floor. Lie down on one end of it and hold on. Then roll yourself up like a giant fruit roll up and you magically become, The Human Enchilada! You can also call yourself the Human Fruit Roll Up, so it's really two costumes in one.

BEER BELLY BOY (or girl)
What is as sad as a big old beer gut on a depressed middle aged man?? Not sure, but now you can be that man for Halloween! Take your blanket and roll it up into a big ball and place it under your shirt. A white wife beater or tank top works the best. Mess up your hair and bring a beer can as you go from door to door and your costume is complete!

Take the Beer Belly Boy costume and add a hat.

Take the blanket and do your best to stuff it down the front of your pants. It will be difficult to get it all in but once you do you have a Halloween costume for the ages! People will notice your massive bulge right away and will surely ask what you're supposed to be. Just smile and say, "I'm the world's luckiest man."

First, take the black blanket or any blanket and cut a hole it big enough to stick your head through. Next, stick your head through. A perfect Clint Eastwood from such movies as, The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly, and A Fist Full of Dollars. You can use a cigarette too and not shaving for a couple of days helps. NOTE: There is no need to bring a gun with your for this costume but it helps if you want more candy.

All we have to fear, is fear itself, AND high prices for Halloween costumes, itself! Is what that cripple Roosevelt would be saying if he were still alive today, God rest his soul. F.D.R. was a great president but he will make an even better Halloween costume! This one isn't so easy because you'll need a wheelchair to pull it off. Kindly ask grandma for the use of her wheelchair for the night or just dump her out of it. Borrow her glasses and put that black blanket over your legs for the best F.D.R. costume anywhere!

Gandhi was known as one of the most spiritual and peaceful people the earth has ever known. Who better to imitate and make fun of on Halloween?!?! The costume is simple, take a blanket and wrap yourself in it and put on a pair of glasses. Use a pair of sunglasses to go as, "Cool Gandhi," and girls wear this outfit without anything else and go as, "MaHOTma Gandhi."

All this talk about Gandhi has made me think of another great cheap costume! Cut the blanket in half. Wrap half of it around your waist for a diaper effect and wrap your head with the other half to create a turban. Use a paper towel roll as a flute and you're a stereotypical snake charmer from India! You'll be charming people out of their candy throughout the night!

We lost a lot of lives in the Civil War but its loss was your gain because it gave me an idea for a Halloween costume! If your blanket is white cut it into strips. Tie these strips on various body parts such as, your arms, your legs, and around your head. You can add ketchup for fake blood stains if you want. Show  your support of the North or South with this creative cheap costume! 

Well I hope I gave you some good cheap Halloween costumes. I really got tired of typing out Halloween so I'm not going to say it one more time! Happy October Holiday!

1 comment:

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