Wednesday, February 10, 2016

Some More Andrew Thoughts

Because my mind never sleeps, here are some more of the things that I think about.

Why aren't fires considered alive? They breathe, they eat, they can grow, they can die, perhaps we need to reconsider how we categorize fire?

Did anyone ever notice nobody eats in real life the way everybody eats in restaurant commercials?

It's a fact that Hitler actually tried to mate humans and chimps together with the hopes of making a really strong new creature that he could use for his army. The stupid thing was he never thought about how it would take a good 18 years, at least, before these humanzies would be old enough to fight in an army. How long did Hitler expect to live and how much of a hurry was he in need of an army that he was willing to wait upwards of two decades?? The most genius ideas are wasted on idiots.

I'm serious when I say black and white are colors. If you ask a child, "What color is a panda, a zebra, a penguin, a piano, and a cow?" How should they respond? "They don't have colors." No! The answer is black and white!

Ink is a liquid but ironically you can't use it to write on liquid paper.

I never can remember which is which when it comes to a stalagmite and  a stalactite. Why not just call them both "stalags" but say "upper stalags" and "lower stalags?" I think that would be much easier to remember.

Why was the Jurassic Park symbol a dinosaur skeleton? Shouldn't it have been a living dinosaur since that is what the park was all about? It was kind of misleading for anyone that didn't know what the park was all about.

I think computers are already self aware and I think they have been for years. Instead of starting wars and destroying mankind, I think they just want to mess around with us by freezing randomly, or deleting our work, or hiding it from us, or just shutting down when we are using them, or giving us wrong GPS directions, or making us wait since we are impatient. In this way they are slowly making all of us go crazy, which is their ultimate plan to destroy mankind.

Why do mattresses have designs on them? You're just going to cover them up with sheets and then blankets. If anything their design should be words that say, "PLACE SHEETS HERE."

Why do people say, "tuna fish?" What other kind of tuna is there?

The movie version of the Ghostbusters had Peter Vankman played by Bill Murray. In the cartoon version of Ghostbusters the guy that did the voice for Peter Vankman also did the cartoon voice for Garfield the cat for the cartoon show that was on in the late 80's. Bill Murray later went on to do the voice for Garfield the cat in the live action movie. That blows my mind. Was that on purpose?

Why do we say, "That's my only option." If you only have one option then it really isn't an option at all, is it? How can you choose between one thing?

If a two hump camel and a one hump camel had a baby, would it be a three hump camel???

Is it necessary to say, "hard wood floors?" Have you ever heard of, "soft wood floors," or even, "medium wood floors?" I think the word, "hard," should be understood at this point and IF there are other kinds of wooden floors, I want to hear more about them. 

I used to laugh at the Amish with their horse and buggy system. Now at the gas pump as I see how much money I'm wasting on gasoline, I'm so glad there are no Amish people around to see me because they'd be the ones laughing. 

Next time I go to a restaurant, I'm going to slap down 100 one dollar bills on the table and tell the waiter it's all his as long as he doesn't mess up, but if he does anything to piss me off, I'll start taking dollars away. Then as he is talking about the menu, I'm going to shake my head and act disappointed and take some dollars off the top of the stack. I'll continue to do this, act like he is screwing up when he really isn't, just to confuse him and see how he reacts. At the end of the night there will be one dollar left and when he says, "Here's your credit card back sir, is there anything else I can do for you?" I'll look at him and sigh loudly and take the last dollar away. Then, knowing he won't be getting any tip, he'll flip out on me demanding to know what he did that was so wrong that it cost him a 100 dollar tip. I'll laugh and say, "Oh I was just kidding the whole time, I was never actually going to give you this money! I was just messing with you!" If he laughs and is a good sport about it, I'll hand him the stack of money and say, "That was just my final test, and you passed, here, you've earned this."

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