Monday, April 13, 2015

Problems I have with the English Language

So English is known as one of the most difficult languages to learn and I believe this is true. If it is true, it is only because of all the crap that doesn't make any sense! Here are some of the problems that I have with the English Language. Don't worry, I can easily fix these problems though.

The alphabet, to start with, has 26 letters but at a closer look does it need that many???

We have, "C" and we know what sound it makes. We have, "K" and it makes the exact same sound. Sometimes you have to put them together and make, "CK" and that makes the same sound as both the C and the K. So why do we need 3 different ways of making the same exact sound??? WE DON'T. In some cases they are interchangeable, as in the name, "Kathryn," and "Catharine." Also screw the "C" for being able to sometimes make the sound of an, "S." We have an "S" for that, we don't need the "C" acting like some other letter. Then you put the, "C" and the "S" together to make the same sound that the, "S" already makes, like in the word, "science" or "scene."

So when you add the, "C" to the, "H" you get a new sound, like in the word, "Channel." HOWEVER, if you put an, "S" in front of it, you then pronounce it differently, as in the word, "school." Not sure why we need 3 letters here either, and how come the CH combination doesn't apply here. I am starting to see why people struggle to learn this language! Then the CH sound can be completely ignored when it is in a word, such as, "yacht." A silent CH? That means the CH combination has 3 different sounds, and you're just supposed to automatically know which is which.

Don't think that, "S" trouble maker gets out of my rant. It's being half the problem with these combinations! When you add it to the, "H" you get a specific new sound, like in the word, "Shallow." Yet, when the, "S" is alone in the word, "sure" it doesn't need the, "H" to make the same exact sound. Well I say, you need the, "H" to make that sound, you can't just pick and choose when you need it or don't need it!

I want to discuss the, "X,"  quite possibly the most useless of all of our letters. What sound does this make again??? Box, fox, ax, exit, and.....xylophone.  So it makes the sound of, "CKS" just like in the word, "socks" but instead of spelling it, "Focks" we use an X. Then it can be used to sound just like, "Z" in the world xylophone. How come we just didn't use the Z for that word??? Also if X can make two different sounds why isn't it a vowel? In the word, "extreme" we add an, "E" but if it were a vowel, we could just spell it like, "xtreme." In the name, "Xavier" it says its name but there is no vowel status for this letter?

I won't go into my issues with the, "Z," or what I call, "The S with an attitude." We almost don't need it and that's why I think we should just use it more often so it doesn't feel like a waste.

Speaking of useless letters, here's a pointless rule. Did you every notice that the, "Q" always has a, "U" after it??? Queen, quail, question, quest, quasar, quiet, quite, quickly, quality, quantity, qualify, quote, and so on. In CAN'T be used unless it is followed by a, "U." That makes a Q without a U, pointless to even have as a letter. Why not just add the U sound to the letter Q so we don't need to add a U every single time? OR BETTER YET, why not just use the C and the U together, as in the word, "cue ball." Just looking at that word raises more questions, like, why not put a "C" and a "W" together instead? Cwestion mark.

A, E, I, O, U, and sometimes Y.........sometimes? Why is, "Y" sometimes a vowel?? Please explain that load of crap to me! You can't sometimes be a vowel and sometimes not! That's like saying, "5 is sometimes a number." It either is or it isn't. I say give the stupid letter the vowel status or cut it loose completely! By my count that's two more letters that should be vowels.

Don't get me started on the silent letter! Silent letter??? Why the hell would we add a letter to a word but not have the intention of using it??? No where else in life do we add something without any purpose and say it is imaginary and you don't use it, even though it is there. That's like saying, "The number is 350. I really mean 35, but the 0 is a silent number." People will say the silent E makes the vowel say its name, like in the word, "game." Ok, that's nice but guess what, "gaym" There, I fixed the need for the silent E.

At least the silent E has a reason, crappy and easily fixable as that reason may be, it still has a purpose behind it. Unlike the silent letters in knife, lamb, damn, debt, know, honest, right, folk, mnemonic, colonel, pneumonia, gnat, psychology, depot, sign, whistle, and faux. That sure is dumb! I mean....dum.

I feel like the English language was just invented for making teachers feel important and to go on power trips. Think about it, our rules always have exceptions and variations. "I before E, except after C, OR when sounded as, "A" like in neighbor and weigh." WHAT?? Did you get all that kids? Geez, how bout we just scrap all that and do this teachers, "naybor" and "way." Also according to your stupid silent E for vowels rule, how come it isn't, "wae?" Explain that to me. Oh that rule didn't apply for that word hu? So when a child writes that, you get to mark it wrong and shake your head as you roll your eyes.

How can you have 2, "o's" together as in the word, "book" and "look" but then in words such as, "food" and "mood," they don't sound the same? How they can sound completely different?!?! How is a child supposed to know which way to pronounce these double letters?? No silent letter to help them this time. I guess they'll just have to mispronounce it, get corrected, and just somehow figure it out for the next time, right? Well, that's exactly what we've been teaching the kids for years! Also explain this to me, "rude" and "food." Not, "fude" and "rood." Two ways of doing the same thing but only one is correct, part of the time.

More on double letters, a, "W" looks more like a double V to me and yet we don't call it a double v. Did you ever notice the word, "vacuum" has two U's in it? Why would it need those? What other word has a double U in it? Again, not sure why two of the same letters beside each other makes the same exact sound as that letter by itself? So remember kids, two, "O's" together make a different sound than a single, "O" (and there are two different sounds for that) BUT two, "T's" together make the same sound as a single T. This goes for double G's, double B's, double U's, double N's, double F's, double S's, double D's, double M's, double L's, BUT NOT double E's, those make the sound of E because it's a vowel, like in the word, "Feed" not sure why that word isn't spelled, "Fede" according to the silent E rule, but hey, whatever, just do what you feel like doing English and we'll all try to keep up!

Here's another gem for you. (Should be jem btw.) "Ring, rang, rung. Bring, brang, brung." Wait, but why not? We have to come up with different words and new rules. There is no, "brung" it's "brought." There is no, "rought" though. Just sounds like more ways for those poor kids to mess up their homework.

I'm also sick of saying, "I feel well." No, I feel GOOD, and I don't see why that should be wrong. It was perfectly fine for James Brown to make a song up about feeling good. I bet his English teacher was rolling in her grave instead of commending him for writing a hit single.

 Ending a sentence in a preposition is something I want to talk about. Where did they get this rule from? I want to. It seems fine to. You understand what for. We aren't supposed to.

Two, too, to, there, their, they're, your, you're. These words have to be, by far, the most misused of all words. These 8 words must account for 99% of the wrong word written in a sentence when an incorrect word is used. Odd, I said 8 words and yet if you say them out loud, there are only 3...

Well, those are just some of the problems I have with our English language. I'm sure most of you teacher people and English majors out there, will be able to defend your precious verbal garbage, but let me just make one more point! Most of our English comes from Latin, a language that isn't used anymore because it wasn't good enough to survive to the present day. Shouldn't we question that?

(That same last paragraph done entirely in the Andrew English Language)

Wel, thoz r just sum ov thee problems I hav with r Inglish langwej. Im shoor most ov yoo teecher peepool and Inglish majers owt thar, wil bee abool to defend your preshus verbel garbaj, but let mee just mayk wun moor poynt! Most ov r Inglish cums frum latin, a langwej that izn't uzed enee moor beecuz it wuzn't gud enuf to serviv to the prezant day. Shoodn't wee cwestion that?

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