Thursday, December 24, 2009

STORY; How the Heather Stole Christmas

Way down in Georgia, where the peaches grow lived a happy family stringing up the mistletoe. This family liked Christmas a lot but the Heather who lived with them did not. "All the singing and presents tied up with string annoys me so much i dont want to give a thing!" Cried the angry Heather grumpy as a horse, she hated her happy family without remorse. "The worst are my two little nieces, i should jump up and down on their gifts and rip them to pieces!" No one quite knows why the Heather hated Christmas night, perhaps it was because her bra was two sizes too tight. Maybe it was because nail polish fumes went to her brain or maybe she sat on a big candy cane. Why Heather hated Christmas is still unknown but it probably has to do with the bill for her cell phone. "I can't take this holiday for one more year!" Yelled the cranky pants, "I'll stop Christmas from coming and then do a dance!" Then that mean old Heather do you know what she did? She got an idea, a horrible mean rotton idea that will make you flip your lid. "Oh I'll just stop Christmas from coming this year and then the only presents my family will get is a big fat tear!" The Heather went back to her cave (garage) and started to put her plan into action! Making a Chris Cringle suit so she could ruin her family's holiday would give her satisfaction. Pepper, Sable and Max had sticks tied to their heads as her innocent nieces slept soundly in their beds. Off she rode in a sleigh made from clay, off to her brother's house laughing all the way. She slunk up to the house, so quiet it was even for a mouse. She looked in the window where there was a perfect picture of Christmas cheer but she would ruin this image to make them think Santa was never here! "It's time for me to do my worst, these stupid looking stockings will go first!" Growled the rude Heather, moving around the house as light as a feather. The Heather worked liked fire, taking all she saw that big fat liar! She took their presents and their decorations, she took their holly leaf, why that stingy old Heather even took their roast beef! Heather took a Christmas cup then she would go to the chimmeny and stuff the crap up.
All of a sudden there was a small noise from above, soft like the coo of a dove. It was her baby niece who woke up, she came into the living room and said, "Sup." Heather began to sweat and shiver, what lie could she quickly deliver. "Why Santa, why are you taking our Christmas tree?" We all know Heathers are creative and she could lie on the spot, she came up with a perfect story to tell the tot. "This tree is too small for such a nice kid, I''ll go get you a bigger one and thats what i do done did." Fooling a small child is as easy as 1,2,3 and Heather secured her taking their tree. "Alright Santa, that sounds great, by the way, did you lose some weight?" "Why yes little girl i lost some weight, yet it didnt help me find a date..." With that the girl went back to bed, Heather wouldn't have to knock her over the head. She got back to work right away, destroying her family's Christmas day. And when she had finished the job she left the house and twisting the door knob. All she left on their walls was black spray paint that says, "you suck," and some hooks and wire not even adding up to a buck. She laughed and giggled as her dogs pulled the sleigh, "Now try to have a nice Christmas day!" Nearly dawn when Max let out a yawn, but the Heather was wide awake, she wanted to laugh so hard she would shake. "They'll be waking up right about now and I know just what they'll do, they'll come out of their rooms and say, boo hoo hoo!" She put her hand up to her ear and listened for a hear. Then she heard a sound but it wasn't that bad, no, it was a happy sound, not sad. "Those pukes! They sings! I took their Christmas, I took their things!" Heather tried to stop Christmas from coming but she could not, Christmas is more than gifts and food it can't be bought. "Maybe Christmas," said the Heather, "Means much more, perhaps its the thought?" And some say, what happened that day, on mount deer gut, was Heathers bra burst open as if it were cut. She got a massive smile on her cute face and she realized what she had done was a disgrace. "I will return these presents to my family, ill be such a hero, they will rate me at 10 and not a zero!" Heather flew down the mountain side happy with glee to return the gifts to her big family. And Heather, was the happiest of all because she learned Christmas doesn't come from the mall. Heather learned the true meaning of Christmas is inside each one of us, there is no need to be stressed and make a fuss. Heather had the best Christmas ever that day and her Christmas spirit lasted through the month of may. Her family loves her just the same, even if their Christmas never came. THE END

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