EPIC FAMOUS BEARDS

Well how can I do an epic famous mustaches post and not follow up with an epic beard post??? I can't. So here are what I consider to be famous epic beards. If you didn't get a chance to read my epic mustaches post, you can see it here http://andrew-mytwocents.blogspot.com/2015/07/epic-famous-mustaches.html



Abraham Lincoln

Pout all you want, you know you should grow a beard.

A stone beard that will last forever. 

Quite possibly the most famous beard of all time, Ol' honest Abe's beard has gone down in history in several different ways. A little girl wrote a letter to the president suggesting he should grow a beard, Abraham Lincoln kept his beard and it survives to this day in the Lincoln Memorial. It also appears on the penny, the 5 dollar bill, and pretty much any likeness of President Lincoln. Kudos to him for never growing a mustache with it, (that would have been easy) but he kept his upper lip empty as he filled our nation with unity!




ZZ Top

Accepting awards for their beards BUT NOT YOU FRANK! 

If you want a hat and shades too Frank, just grow a beard! 

These little beardlettes would soon grow in some epic facial hair.

Ladies go crazy for a sharp dressed man...WITH A BEARD! The band ZZ Top took the music world by storm because of their beards. At least that's what I always thought. Billy Gibbons, Dusty Hill, and Frank Beard...............Frank Beard is the one without a beard btw, can you believe that? Talk about ironic! That should be the ultimate example of irony when children learn about it in school, the teacher should just take out a picture of these 3 guys and say, "Look at the loser without a beard, his name IS Beard." I'm not sure why he refused to grow a beard and I don't know why he wasn't kicked out of the group because of it, but hey, it's not my band. He should have the biggest and best beard of the whole bunch but instead he has lived his life as an outsider. Anyway, they made a cameo in Back To The Future part 3 and their beards really made them fit into the scenery of the old west.



Edward Teach

Thousand yard stare right there...

A little flamboyant but still, nice beard! 

 An epic beard immortalized!

Speaking of the old west, we now head to the high seas for the next epic beard worn by none other than Black Beard The Pirate. If you are so well-known for your beard that it becomes your name...you have an epic beard. Edward was a notorious pirate and his beard was just as famous, he even lit fuses in it when going into battle to scare his enemies. Although a force to be reckoned with, he didn't treat his captives all that badly (for a pirate that is) and most of our pirate stereotypes come from Black Beard.

Brett Keisel 

There have been many wonderful beards throughout the years of the NFL, especially when they are grown for the playoffs, but one player has his year round. Brett Keisel of the Pittsburgh Steelers sports this massive man beard under his face mask every season. It might be the best beard in sports but one thing is for sure, it certainly is unrivaled in the NFL. 

General James Longstreet

Not one but TWO statues? What a beard!

Tom Berenger as Longstreet and his beard in the movie Gettysburg.

The civil war era had some great beards and mustaches alike, but only a few can be considered epic! Although General Lee and General Grant both had some pretty good beards, it was James Longstreet that I feel had the best. Just look how thick it was. If you don't know who Longstreet was, he was General Lee's right hand man but he strongly disagreed with the tactics at Gettysburg. Well, we all know that General Lee pretty much did what he wanted and ignored Longstreet, causing the major loss at Gettysburg. Many people blamed Longstreet for the loss but with a beard like that how can you stay mad at a guy?? 





Frederick Douglass

His beard may have faded with time, but now it will last forever.

There aren't too many men as awesome as Frederick Douglass. He didn't always have a beard but once he began to grow one in his younger years, he kept it and as you can see, it grew on him. (Not originally meant to be a joke) He was born a slave but died a fee man and he let his beard go down into history as he worked hard to become, what many believe to be, the first Blackman accepted by white society. He was a close friend and advisor to President Lincoln. I have to wonder if they ever talked about their beards...I'm sure it came up at least once. 



The Duck Dynasty Family

Hey, ZZ Top! And the beardless guy finally has grown one...oh wait...never mind.

\

You don't want to meet these beards in a swamp at night.

Now here is a family that beards together...if that's a verb and I don't think it is, BUT it should be! Phil, Willie, Jase, and Si Robertson all have epic beards and what's more, they are proud of them! They sure can grow them in that family! Maybe eating duck meat helps beards to grow or maybe it's the climate of the wetlands that does it, either way they all have famous epic beards. 


Karl Marx

                                       

This statue is all beard, just like Karl Marx.

Is that an Aborigine? No! It's just historical trouble maker Karl Marx! When Karl Marx wasn't busy inventing Communism, he was busy growing his epic beard! He pretty much always had it and I think if he would have called it, "Beardism," instead of, "Marxism," there would have been more followers. He really had a working man's beard, a beard of the people, a beard that could be shared! There are actually multiple statues of this guy and his epic beard. 

Shout out to his buddy Friedrich Engles. I guess sitting around all day thinking up socialism does a beard good?




Kimbo Slice

Before he was getting his ass kicked in the ring, he was kicking ass in back yards as this homeless brawler took his beard from neighborhood to neighborhood looking for fights. I guess he had a beard because of the whole homeless thing instead of growing it for fashion but even when he started to make money for professional  MMA fighting, he kept his trademark beard. I will say it does make him look more menacing. 





Charles Darwin

Charles Darwin certainly had a beard that he must have been growing for a long time, or should I say evolving? Honestly, I think he looks like a monkey...not sure if that's poetic justice or just plain ironic but either way I think he would take me saying he resembles an ape as a compliment. Doesn't he remind you of Santa Claus? Good thing he wasn't or he would have shot Rudolph for being the weakest of the reindeer...or wait....would he have considered Rudolph to be the next step in reindeer evolution and therefore superior to the others??? I'm sure he could explain it to me if he were here but I'd be too busy staring at his beard! 


Hans Langseth

GAME OVER. Now THAT is a beard! In fact Hans has the longest beard in history, 18 feet, 6 inches! He may be dead but his beard will never be forgotten. If your beard touches the ground you don't need anyone telling you it's epic. He was known as King Whiskers, and truly he was the king of beards. There is just no topping that folks. 

Sorry Darwin, when it comes to beard survival, HE was the fittest. 

Epic Civil War Facial Hair Video

I'm not saying the Civil War era gave us the greatest and most epic facial hair of all time but after you watch this video I made...I might not need to say it. If anything there were some serious beards, mustaches, and sideburns on the men that fought in the Civil War. These are just some examples of the amazing things grown on faces. One thing that you'll notice after watching this video is the lack of sideburn use by today's men. We don't grow em like that anymore but that's just my two cents. 

CRAZY ADS FROM 1912 THAT WILL SHOCK YOU!

The worst thing I can think of is advertising. It's everywhere, TV, radio, movies, billboards, fences, sporting events, buses, buildings, Youtube, Facebook, and basically anywhere your eyes can look. (Also as a side note, I have been offered many times to add advertising on this blog site but I refuse every time because I don't want my readers to be bothered with that crap.) 100 years ago we had advertising and honestly...not much has changed, at least tactics in getting people to buy products.

For whatever reason in 1912 there were some pretty crazy advertisements that I came across and most of them could use a good explanation.

First up is the Negro Makeup Outfit, only 29 cents!!! That's a deal....I think? Why on earth anyone would want to buy this and for what reason is an even better question. I love how it states that this thing is sold elsewhere for 50 cents....so there were a lot of these things being sold?? WHY?!?! It also claims it is the funniest and "most laughable" outfit ever sold. I can think of 100 costumes off the top of my head that would be better than this thing. Also it points out that it is one of the best outfits made, which means there are a bunch of outfits that are made poorly, but this isn't one of those. No, a bag and green hat made for racists is a great outfit. I kinda wish they had an actual picture of somebody actually wearing this. What's up with the eyes?

I'm calling bullshit on this one. I can see why nobody buys these nowadays, because they went out of business after nobody grew any hair and they had to give all their money back! They could have at least made the guy look happier, I mean, look at him, he looks depressed to be wearing that stupid thing even though he will have hair in 30 days. This is why it is a bad ad, not because it's complete made up bullshit. I really question what this, "hat" does. Do you plug it in or pour chemicals into it, or does it just sit there looking dumb?? Again, this is why it was a bad product. Make it look like a normal hat or put cartoons on it or something to spice it up! Also if you wore it for 30 minutes a day would it grow hair in 10 days?

Again, calling bullshit on this one. I will say that their luring line of, "The charm of a full, firm bust is worth more to a woman than beauty," is pretty spot on, even today. Although that may have made a lot of women buy into this ad, we all know it's not true. No matter what their, "New Way Home Treatment," was exactly, it didn't work. Today we have breast implants and that takes less than 15 days and actually does what this ad claims. That's the progress of the last 100 years!

Gladden the hearts?? Or give heart attacks?? Just look at that terrifying clown! I'm not afraid of clowns...I just hate them. I will say that this has to be the most evil looking clown I've ever seen since the last time I looked at a clown. As if it wasn't bad enough, they actually focus in on this terrible monster of a clown! What stupid kid looked at this and said, "Mommy, I want this!" The only thing these circus toys will bring is terror and death. Just stare at that clown for a few minutes folks.....nightmare fuel. 

Not by you! Thanks for the free books, but unless the first page says, "Cancer can't be cured," these books are totally worthless. Unless, somehow, this guy back in 1912 DID find the cure for cancer, and instead of making money off of it and spreading the cure, he just wrote two massive books and gave them out for free, then I'd say he is full of crap. "READ THE PROOF," how bout you just give us the answer jerk, we're dying of cancer! I actually would love to read these two books, I really wonder what they say. 

Did everybody catch that? Swimming school checks out, sounds good, nice place to go, friendly well-trained teachers, lovely lady pictured ready for swimming, and then BAM!!! NAZI SYMBOL!!! It just comes out of nowhere and is really out of place no matter what it was supposed to mean. I guess they wanted to save ink on writing out, "Your swimming instructor will be Hitler," or, "Please, No Jews." 

Keep in mind, if you eat at midnight, you're DEAD. I'm not sure how you neglect your bowels....but if you do, it will kill you. Drinking liquors will also kill you, that's why no one finishes college today. Let us all remember that coffee plus food equals death. Also, what the hell does, "bolt your food," mean?

I love this one. Teach your wife to shoot people. After she tucks in Jr. and little Suzy, she's going to go load a few rounds and wait for the intruders. If you take the massive gun out of this picture, it would actually be kind of nice and heartwarming. I think it would have been more effective to show her shooting some bad guy coming through the window, while the kids cheer in the background or better yet, just sleeping all snug in the beds with big smiles on their faces because they know that mommy will blow away any one that dares to enter their home.

This isn't crazy, I just thought it was crazy that we've been eating Oreos for over 100 years and that they used to be called, "creme sandwiches." The best part of this ad is at the very bottom, turns out that, "Nabisco," stands for, National Biscuit Company. Did anyone else know that?

I don't even know what to make of this one. I guess we can chalk it up to being racist. I understand a request for not spitting on the floor so we can rule out this being an ad for Denny's. No clue what remembering the Johnstown flood has to do with eating watermelon? If anything, I'd say, "Well, we SHOULD spit on the floor because if a massive flood happens, it won't really make a difference, now will it??" 

Poultry cure made by BOURBON?!?! Hey, wait a minute! I guess for 100 years we have been trying to get chicks drunk. 

GET YOUR BABIES HERE! GET YOUR BABIES! STEP RIGHT UP, WIN A REAL LIVE BABY AT THE BABY RAFFLE! This isn't a half bad idea actually. It would help to get rid of some of those orphan babies and it's a lot easier than going through the adoption process. Not sure if hanging babies in bags beside a giant wheel was a good idea...I guess I'd have to see the profit margin from the raffle. Wonder if those are the actual babies you win or if they're just cute ones for show?

FINALLY! Something to make people fat in this country! Just what we need. I guess they did need it back in 1912 because this wasn't the only ad I found that said it would get you fat. Oh skinny people in the background getting made fun of, don't worry, although you're dead, rest easy knowing you had the laugh last. 



Those are just a few crazy advertisements I found from 1912. Although some things are different, most of marketing is the exact same, promises, scare tactics, wild claims, preying on low self-esteem or ignorance. We can laugh at a lot of these but don't laugh too hard...100 years from now people will laugh at half the products you have in your home right now.