Thursday, March 20, 2014
BIGFOOT THROUGHOUT HISTORY, BIGFOOT AT THE ALAMO
"It appears there is no way out of the Alamo and we are all in for the fight of our lives. There is an odd fellow here from up north yet he is no yankee i ever met. He is big and covered in hair and has a stench about him that could make a pig puke, then stick his face in the puke to try to get the smell out of his nose. At this point we will take all the help we can get, but honestly if he left i really wouldn't care. He invented a game which he calls, crap toss face catch, i dare not describe it for i am a Christian fellow."
"Bigfoot, as he has been known to be called has a real attitude problem. He made a dummy out of straw that has the likeness of Santa Anna and he took it to the wall so the Mexican army could see it. He then proceeded to pretend to hump it and violate it, this made the Mexicans very angry indeed and they began to shoot at him. One of the bullets caught bigfoot in the ass. We had to hold him back, he was about to charge the entire Mexican army himself! Davey Crockett told us to just let him go but we didnt....perhaps we should have."
"Bigfoot picked a fight with Jim Bowie, calling his knife a woman's knife for womens work such as cutting flowers. This made Mr. Bowie ever so mad but he accepted bigfoot's challenge. Bigfoot managed to cut a mexican sword in half and said that was his knife. Bigfoot said if he won the bowie knife would be known as the biggie knife. Jim Bowie laughed and cut bigfoot up pretty bad."
"Bigfoot is really getting on everybody's nerves. Ten days we have been with this idiot and his idiot ways, i often wonder if all northerners are like this. He keeps yelling out, I SEE OUR ARMY COMING TO OUR AID! and when we all cheer and thank God with cries and hugs, bigfoot laughs and says, gotchya! You'd think we would stop falling for that one but when there isnt much hope you tend to believe what you want. Jim Bowie said if he does it one more time, we will have to start referring to his knives as, bigfoot ass knives."
"Bigfoot took Davey Crockett's coonskin cap and held it up in the air saying Davey could have it back if he would just take it. Davey jumped for it several times but ended up just punching Bigfoot in the crotch, he immidiately dropped the hat and Davey walked away with it. Through tear filled eyes bigfoot said it didnt hurt. We all knew he was lying."
"We are almost out of ammo and things look bleek. Bigfoot is the most upset by this, he keeps saying we are all dead and there is no way out while waving his hands over his head. Some of the men tried to calm him down but he just beat them up, which is terrible because we need every single man we can get for this battle. Bigfoot also eats more food than anyone else here and so we have stopped feeding him. I dont know if we will make it through the night."
"I can not believe what just happened. Santa Anna came to surrender to us, we finally had won the battle, he said he no longer wants blood shed of his people and will leave in peace and we can also have the Texas territory as well. At this point bigfoot stood up and yelled at Santa Anna that we wont stop fighting until all the mexicans are dead and he can turn his fat ass around and go back to where he came from, which is hell also known as mexico, he then threw a brick at Santa Anna and it struck his foot. Santa Anna gave the order to attack and their men are currently breaking down our walls, this looks like the end. I saw bigfoot dressed in a dead mexican soilder's uniform running out the back door, leaving it wide open which the mexican army found to be very useful as they sieged the Alamo. This will be my last entry for there is no escape, unless you are bigfoot. As bigfoot ran away Davey Crockett yelled something at him i dare not repeat for i am a Christian man. Farewell to thee all and remember the Alamo, and remember how we all came to die....BIGFOOT."