Monday, April 6, 2015

Even MORE Andrew Thoughts

Here are some more things that I think about throughout the day. 

I think gummy worms promote children to eat real worms. And lemon snow cones promote children to eat yellow snow. These are just some unfortunate observations from my own childhood.

The most frustrating thing for teeth must be chewing gum. They're probably waiting for the swallow but it just doesn't happen. They must be so confused because all they know is, they are doing their job but nobody else in the mouth seems to be paying attention.

If cowboys rode on cows would we call them horseboys?

Why don't we just make one giant brick instead of 100's of little ones? It would save a lot of time to put up a wall, yet it would take the same amount of material to make it.

If I lived in Plymouth settlement, I would have been in the buckle business. Did you ever see how many buckles those pilgrims wore? They are on their hats, their shoes, their belts, and who knows what else. I would have dominated the market by creating a need for buckles and then lie and cause panic with buckle shortage rumors.

Are sesame seeds used for anything other than hamburger buns?

I don't care what art teachers say, I think black and white are colors. I also think they are the most important colors we have because all other colors match with them.

If I ever get the chance to shoot a cow again, I want it to be a bull. I will shoot it right in the eye and when someone says what a terrible shot that was, and I'll just say, "What are you talking about? I hit the bull's-eye."

Apparently I'm not a doctor, but I do know one thing they don't. I grantee if everybody just took the time to roll around on the floor with about 10 puppies on a daily basis, everybody will feel a whole hell of a lot better.

Let me get this straight. A piano has 88 strings but it isn't considered a string instrument??? So you're telling me an instrument that has 84 more strings than a violin, 82 more strings than a guitar, and 42 more than a harp is NOT in the string family? No, I think YOU are the one who is wrong. Don't tell me it is how it is played and that's why it is considered a percussion. You slap the bass strings on a bass guitar and doesn't that striking make the bass guitar a percussion instrument? No, it doesn't and nobody would say a bass guitar ISN'T in the string group. Therefore, the piano IS in fact a string instrument. Check mate maestro.

Do those sacks with dollar signs on them for money actually exist? They seem to be in every cartoon but I never saw one in real life. The only place that would even use something like this would be a bank and I've never seen one there.

It's really embarrassing when somebody waves at you and you wave back but then you realize they were actually waving to someone else behind you. Then you feel stupid and a little bit offended that they didn't want to wave at you. Sometimes they notice this and give you a pity wave that only comes from the fact that they know how stupid you feel. I think the waver should just apologize to you for being reckless with their greeting and putting you in the way of their waving lane.  

Baseball must be the only sport on earth where the team with the ball is on defense and you can't score any points if you have the ball. What a mixed up, backwards, terrible game.

I really wish togas would make a come back. Nothing looks more comfortable than a toga to me. I bet they'd be cooler in the summer time too.

It's a fact that porcupines can't shoot their quills. What a waste. If I was a porcupine, I'd dedicate my life to learning how to shoot my quills. Then I'd teach other porcupines to shoot their quills too and I'd walk around all day trying to find smart know-it-all type people that would say porcupines can't shoot their quills, then I would shoot my quills right at them.

If I was a marshal in the old west, I'd make my hanging rope too long and when I went to hang a bad guy, he'd fall right on his butt and we would all have a big laugh at his expense. My hope would be that he would start to think the whole death penalty thing is just a joke. Then I'd string him up again with the right length of rope and actually hang him right.

No comments: