Monday, April 28, 2014

MY TOP TEN WORST ANIMATED DISNEY MOVIES OF ALL TIME

Disney has 53 animated movies, such as The Lion King, The Little Mermaid, Dumbo, Bambi, The Jungle Book, Snow White, Frozen, just to name a few that we all know and love but there are a few out of these 53 that just plain SUCK. Here is a list counting down the 10 worst animated Disney movies of all time. (In my opinion of course.) 

Note: Keep in mind that the 53 are only Disney's feature classic movies, not all the sequels, straight to videos, and other animated movies released by Disney.  

NUMBER 10. THE ARISOTCATS 

No, I didn't say aristocrats, I said Aristocats. This movie was pretty crappy even for 1970. Following The Jungle Book was not an easy task, it was also the movie right before Robin Hood so as you can see, it was surrounded by greatness and didn't make a mark of any kind. It was the last animated movie to be approved by Walt Disney himself before he died. (Herbie The Love Bug was the last live action movie to be approved by Walt.) A movie about an alley cat that has to save a couple of kittens......just a boring idea. The music sucked too. Although very forgettable, it was hardly the worst. 

NUMBER 9. THE RESCUERS 

Yet again another kidnapping movie. Why can't people just stop taking our children?? I think the girl was an orphan though so it was probably ok that she was taken against her will. I remember the characters being disgusting and annoying. Two mice go to save this poor little swamp girl. Sounds like a decent idea for a children's movie but Bob Newhart was the main character and nothing says exciting like the voice of Bob Newhart!!! (sarcasm) The rescuers did have a sequel and it was better. Look, I like Bob Newhart a lot but this was 1977 and Disney cartoon movies were going through a very rough stretch, in fact 5 released in a row make this list. 

NUMBER 8. THE GREAT MOUSE DETECTIVE 


 There was nothing great about this movie despite having the word "great" in it's title. Another swing and a miss for Disney in it's line of 5 really crappy animated movies. I remember having a lot of The Great Mouse Detective things as a child, such as toys, books, and so on, but I never liked the movie and thought it was ridiculously boring. Kids hate mysteries, they hate them! 

NUMBER 7. TREASURE PLANET 

Remember the movie Treasure Planet?? I don't either. 

NUMBER 6. OLIVER AND COMPANY 


Soon it would all be over and this stupid movie was the last in a long line of crap. It was 1988 and in just one more year we would have The Little Mermaid, and a long line of great movies. Oliver and Company however, sucked. They promoted the crap out of this movie for its music. I remember REALLY liking the songs but when I just went back to listen to the main song, I was like, this was it??? It sure didn't stand the test of time. Here is a twist to the movie, IT'S JUST OLIVER TWIST ONLY WITH CATS AND DOGS! How unoriginal. 

NUMBER 5. THE FOX AND THE HOUND


In 1981 Disney followed up its crappy Rescuers movie with this steaming pile of dog/fox crap. Two childhood friends that grow up to be enemies, will their friendship last?? Can't imagine what the ending will be!!!!! Ok, but honestly here are the real reasons why I hate this movie. Number one, I hate the name Tod. Sorry, I just plain hate that name. It is such an 80's name, it was like everyone in the 80's was named Tod, meaning everyone in the 70's was born and then named Tod. If your name is Tod I apologize now for these statements but quite honestly, I don't like you because of your name. Reason number two, as wonderful of an actor Mickey Rooney might have been, his voice DID NOT fit a fox character in any shape or form. All in all when it came to predictability The Fox and the Hound delivered like no other! 

NUMBER 4. THE BLACK CAULDRON 


Did you know this was a Disney movie? Did you ever hear of it? Don't feel bad, no one else has either. In 1985 Disney put out another crappy movie that did nothing for audiences. This really probably is the least known of all animated Disney movies. Try to name all 53 starting with Snow White, and if you get 52, THIS would be the one you didn't remember because you never heard it. It was that bad of a movie. Think Sword In The Stone, but not entertaining or good. 

NUMBER 3. THE HUNCHBACK OF NOTRE DAME 


Good Idea: making a movie for children. Bad Idea: making a deformed, ugly, deaf, hunchback monster the main character for a children's movie. I have a HUNCH this movie sucked! From what I remember of the ACTUAL story, and I realize Disney is notorious for just making stuff up as they go along that has nothing to do with the original story, but wasn't Quasimodo the bad guy?? Didn't he steal a girl? Maybe he was trying to save her I don't really remember or care because this isn't a children's cartoon movie and shouldn't have been made into one. Also is it just me or did you REALLY want to murder that fat pig gargoyle? 

NUMBER 2. LILO AND STITCH 


I'll be honest. I never saw this one the whole way through. Why? How can I judge a movie I never watched before?? It sucked to such high levels that I didn't need to finish it. I couldn't stand this movie from the first frame. If I were the main character I would have thrown that little bastard in a sack and taken him straight to the U.S. Government so they could cut his alien ass up in a lab. 

NUMBER 1. ATLANTIS: THE LOST EMPIRE 

There are no words to describe how shitty this movie was, but I'll try. In 2000 Disney came up with a good idea and then just shit all over it until they had made Atlantis: The Lost Empire. I'm SO glad Disney cleared that up, that THIS Atlantis is the one of legend and being a lost empire, otherwise we would have confused it with all the other cities named Atlantis that weren't mysteriously lost legends. Idiots. 

The guy who actually did the languages for Vulcans AND Klingons in the Star Trek tv show made up a language for this movie, Haha, no seriously, he really did. I'm SO glad he made up an Atlantis language because children would have really picked up on the gibberish they could have just used instead. 

You know what I think the WORST thing really was? The fact that it had such an amazing cast but they gave them NOTHING to work with! Leonard Nimoy (Spok from Star Trek), Michael J. Fox, Cree Summer (Penny from Inspector Gadget, Elmira from Tiny Toons, Susie from Rugrats, Foxy from Drawn Together, and much more) James Garner, John Mahoney (dad from Fraiser), and Jim Varney (Yes folks, ERNEST). You have these people and you give them THIS MOVIE?? How unfair of you Disney.

 Jim Varney died before production and although they say he died of lung cancer I'd wager he died because this movie was so terrible it was the only way he could get out of it! 

James Garner, by the way, didn't just do the voice for his character, he apparently modeled for him as well because the cartoon was the spitting image of him in real life! I know Disney does that all the time, make the character look like the person doing their voice because it fits better but this time it was just down right looking into a mirror. They got every single detail of James Garner's face, don't know who he is or what he looks like? Here you go, THAT is James Garner. 

Here's a major problem with the movie. Michael J. Fox is the voice for the main Character Milo (stupid name unless you're an orange cat.) Milo is a scientist that is awkward and nerdy and annoying and people hate him and already you know he's going to end up the big hero in the end but still, he is a very stupid character. The problem with all that is this.....MICHAEL J. FOX IS ONE OF THE COOLEST PEOPLE ON EARTH, you can't just have such a cool person be the voice for such a dumb-ass! 

Of course Disney has to put in it's standard two comedic relief characters for every single cartoon movie they have ever made, and "Atlantis: The Something or Other" was no exception. (Sorry everybody, for a second there I forgot which Atlantis the movie was talking about.) So Disney makes this asinine Character called the mole.....can you guess he likes to dig? He is gross and rude and disgusting and moronic and children were supposed to laugh at him the whole time but I didn't hear anyone laughing. I think I heard some kids crying at how shitty this movie was but I digress. If I made a top ten worst cartoon characters Disney ever produced, The Mole would be number one.....right behind that pig gargoyle from Hunch Back. Also Mole is french and we all know how THOSE people are. I love how in the movie when they literally ask, what's up with this jack-ass, they respond with, "you don't want to know." Sorry Disney, I do want to know, I want to know what your excuse is for making this useless monstrosity, but all I get is the classic, "we had no idea what to say here, so we will just say you don't want to know." 

Also all their fingernails are shaped like A's, caught it Disney, didn't give a shit, wasn't clever enough to even mention on here, but it really just pissed me off that you thought  you were being cute. 

In closing Atlantis was Disney's worst animated feature film of all time in my opinion. If you haven't seen it yet, don't bother. Then you can say, "I never saw that Atlantis movie......or that Black Cauldron movie." 



1 comment:

Azalea Woodley said...

Wait.......... WHAT? Black Cauldron sucked. Whenever the main character talked (must...not...punch...screen) Didn't see most of the other ones, but Lilo and Stitch is awesome! Why didn't you finish it? Quasimodo is not the bad guy! And it's kind of discriminatory to suggest that because he's deformed he's a bad protagonist. He is not a monster, he's sweet and kind. That monster you're thinking of is Frollo. (And I did not like the gargoyles.