Monday, June 20, 2016

Trying New Cheeses: Entry 11, Rougette, Kaserei Champignon



Straight out of Germany comes Rougette! Here's a cheese that is 3 decades in the making. You would hope that in that time the cheese would have been perfected. I tried some of this German cheese in my 11th edition and first new tasting for 2016 in my Trying New Cheese series. Germans are well-known for their beer making abilities, so how does their cheese stack up? I found out for myself.


Kaserei Chamignon, Rougette
Milk: cows
Type: soft
Country: Germany
Region: Alluga Region of Bavaria 
Pasteurized: Yes
Description: Small round, rind washed soft cheese like Camembert with a red mold rind
Claim to Fame: Orange soft-washed rind cheese, cousin to Brie

History: Rougette is a German cheese made in the Alluga region of Bavaria, and it is in the Brie family. It is very similar to Camebert, another Brie family member. Rougette comes from Bavaria and has a distinctive red-orange rind that is washed 5 times during the cheese making process. It is known for its buttery flavor. Rougette comes from a family of cheese makers that have 100 years of experience.


Taste: The Rougette cheese will remind you a lot of Camebert, but it is not the same. It has a pungent smell when you open it and it is soft but not nearly as soft as Camebert, and I liked that. It had the consistency of a Brie, so it held together nicely without oozing. The rind was orange, as is its trademark. The taste was mild but very flavorful. The rind was more like Camebert than Brie, and I didn't mind eating it. Unlike Brie, the taste of the rind didn't seem to overpower the center with its own flavor.  The texture was smooth and creamy and it went really well with the raspberries I was eating at the same time. 

 The small wheel was 4.4 oz and at $4.98 that seems a little steep, but after trying it, I feel it was worth it. If you make a cheese board consisting of soft cheeses, you'll definitely want to add Rougette. It is different enough from Camebert and Brie to be a nice unique addition that will offset the other two while it remains a strong member of the same family. 

I give the German Rougette an 8 out of 10, and that's as close to a 9 as it can get. I didn't enjoy it as much as Camebert but it was very close. It also cost almost double with being the same size! Eating it with berries is suggested and since this is what I tried, I can tell you that is a very good idea. It goes very well with fruit or fresh bread. It isn't uncommon for this cheese to be placed in the oven and then the top sliced open for dipping purposes. I think the strength of the rind would make it perfect for this kind of use. I recommend trying this cheese for sure. 

Germany is known for their beer, stuffed meats, and chocolate, but when it comes to soft cheeses the French have an edge. After trying Rougette, you might find yourself saying Auf Wiedersehen to the French soft cheeses, but that's just my two cents. 

CHEESE FACT: For Queen Victoria's wedding in 1840, the farmers in Somerset, England, made a Cheddar cheese weighing 1,100 pounds and measuring more than 9 feet wide! ....it's good to be the queen. 




Tuesday, June 14, 2016

What is a Cheese Cave, and when can I move in??


Ever since I began making my own cheese, I had to find a way of aging it. Most cheese is aged for months, sometimes even years. Traditionally, especially in Europe, a cheese cave is used because of the perfect specific cheese aging conditions. The home cheese maker has to find a replacement for these cheese caves for aging their cheese.

Not all cheese has to be aged. Mozzarella, for example, can be made and eaten in the same day. Cheddar, however, has to be aged for weeks before it develops its trademark flavor. The longer a cheese ages, the sharper it gets. Some extra sharp cheddars are aged for years at a time.
How do you apply for that job???

"Wait, Andrew, are you saying the cheese I buy in the store has been sitting on a piece of wood in some cave for months???" Yes, actually, that's exactly what happens.

Add a bed and I'm moving in! 

In factories and for the commercial cheese producer, a room with temperature and humidity controls suffice for underground cheese caves of the past, but the idea is the same. The cheese you eat has been sitting around in some room for weeks or even months before it ever makes it to your table.

So why a cave? Well, cheese needs to be aged at 55 degrees with a humidity at about 80% and that's pretty much how a normal underground basement or cellar is on its own, making it an ideal setting for the cheese aging process. When a natural cave wasn't around, cheese makers started digging into hillsides to create tiny caves, just for their cheeses.
That's one fancy homemade cave!

My cheese cave is simply a wine cellar refrigerator, which is a modern way of keeping wine. However, it can also be used as a cheese cave and that's what I have to use because there are no basements or cellars in Texas.
Not a true cave, but does what I need it to do.

The cheese you eat from stores is probably all aged in controlled factory environments, but if you get some imported cheese, you might actually get to eat a true cave-aged cheese!

(the best cheese is in the 56th row, 35th from left) 

Here are some amazing examples of cheese caves from around the world! Each one makes me want to pack up my stuff and move in!


It's as if Bilbo Baggins makes cheese! 
A manmade modern cheese cave! 
First I would dress up as Link, then I would eat everything I find in this cave.
Long hard day in the cheese mines???
Congratulations, it's a cheese! 

If caves have taught us anything, it is that awesome things come from them. Whether it be lions, bears, Neanderthals, wine, Batman, or cheese, a cave is going to produce something really awesome but that's just my two cents.




Saturday, June 11, 2016

My Own Lawn Jockey, a project from start to finish





I decided to get my own Lawn Jockey. There is a great place that makes and sells these yard statues. You can have it customized in any color you want or you can get an unfinished one. I chose to go with the unfinished aluminum lawn jock. As you can see, it is bare metal when it arrives.

This is how it was shipped, (very fast I might add). That's a very large box! Luckily, aluminum doesn't weigh as much as concrete or cast iron, so it surprisingly wasn't all that heavy. He probably weighs right around 46 pounds. This means I can move him anywhere I want without any trouble. The concrete statues weigh over 100 pounds.

It actually looks kinda cool like this. That's a lot of melted down pop cans folks. Reminds me of T-1000 from Terminator 2. As cool as it looked like this, I had other plans.

The first step was to use primer paint. If you don't use primer paint, the paint won't stay on the statue as well. If you skip this step you'll be looking at touching up your jockey in a couple of years. This guy will be out in the sun, the rain, the heat, the cold, the wind, and snow (if that ever happens in Texas), so you need to use a good outdoor paint. Using a paint for outdoor furniture is a good choice. I went with Rust-Oleum and was very happy with them.
Pimer paint, all ready for colors!

The thing about a Lawn Jock is, they can be in any color you can imagine. Every farm and racing stable has their own colors and designs, so really these guys can end up looking like anything. I had a difficult time on deciding on a color scheme and for a long time I really wanted to do a Claiborne Farms silks design, reminiscent of Ron Tourcotte and Secretariat.


 In the end, I thought that would be too difficult and instead went for a more classic look.


The first thing I painted was the white pants. Keep in mind if you're going for a high gloss finish as I was, the first coat isn't going to look that great. It will have lines in it and be dull, having no shine that a gloss paint should have, but this is completely normal and it will take 3 coats before you get what you want. In this picture my lawn jockey has his 3 coats of white for this pants.

I then had to make flesh color for his hands and face. I thought this would be easy by adding white to a brown, that will make a tan and I'll keep adding white until it's what Caucasian skin tone would look like!  WRONG! Brown plus white equals grey. Don't ask me why, I'm just telling you that's what will happen if you add those two colors together. I had an outdoor tan color for the house, so I used that and added the white to it. It didn't come out as glossy as the pants, and I don't like that. It also wasn't as smooth. HOWEVER, it does look like white guy skin color, and that's what I wanted.

If you want Caucasian skin tone, you need to add, BLUE, RED, YELLOW, AND WHITE. Don't ask me how the hell that equals skin color, but IT DOES. Why or how? Simple answer is, all colors originate from the primary colors. Don't believe me? Try it yourself. The reason why you should consider this is because if all of your paint isn't the same brand or the same in gloss, it won't mix well, as it didn't with mine. The problem was, I didn't have blue or yellow paint and I didn't feel like going out and buying two cans just to make a Dixie Cup worth of paint for such a small surface area. It isn't a big deal and if you already are using those colors for the clothes, so just mix up a batch of skin color. It also works if you want to make African American skin tones.

I went with a very nice red for the coat and hat. As you can see, it is very bright and goes great with the white pants. I plan to make the buttons and wrist cuffs black. That will be painted and it doesn't matter too much if you leave it or cover it in red first, as I did with the buttons. Once the paint is completely dry, the black will go right over the red. I didn't do the hat because I wanted to have his brown hair painted first, that way the red of the hat can be painted over top of the brown.


Eventually I finished. Keep in mind that one coat of paint takes 24 hours to fully dry. This slows things down but it was ok, taking your time is the better way to go. The lawn jockey looks very regal and classy outside my house as he greets anyone that comes here. There are other statues in my neighborhood, but no lawn jockeys, he is the first of his kind on the block. I named him Joffery because it sounded classy.

This was a fun project and I'm kind of sad to be done with it. He is a welcomed addition to my landscaping and I will enjoy for years to come.


Friday, May 6, 2016

WUZZLES THAT NEVER WUZ


Do you remember the Wuzzles? Well I do. They were a bunch of mixed up animals living in the land of Wuz. That's as much as I remember but I think they missed out on a lot of better animal mixes. I took it upon myself to create the missed opportunities that the original show didn't think about. There could be a come back and these new characters would be the stars of the new show! The crazy mixes makes each one a special and unique animal, and kids will be able to relate to them.


BirdBee: A bird/bee that is obsessed with sex and teaches kids about sex, taken from the popular phrase, "the birds and the bees" which sounds like birds are trying to have sex with bees.


Stank-ass: A donkey and a skunk mix. He will be really stubborn, especially when people tell him how much he stinks. He refuses to do anything about it. This allows kids to see the importance of good hygiene because nobody likes Stank-ass.


Chipmonkey: This is a chipmunk and a monkey cross that looks as cute as a chipmunk but has long arms and a tail. He has no real importance other than loving banana nut bread.


Beer: A bear/deer animal that looks just like a bear but has antlers. Even though he looks scary like a bear, he will be as timid as a deer, showing kids that looks can be deceiving.


Devlhawk: a Tasmanian devil and a hawk. Reminds kids, there are some things in life you just shouldn't piss around with.


Tortoisehare: A rabbit with a shell. It is the only creature on earth that can beat a tortoise in a race. This lets kids know that no matter how good you are at something, there is always someone better and more talented than you.


Smoothbeaver: a naked mole rat and a beaver mix that hates to do hard work, unlike the normal beaver. Instead it likes to lie out in the sun, tanning its beautiful skin. This teaches kids to not be lazy and to not be coincided.

And those were the ones that made my list. If you can believe it, I came up with a lot more that sucked so much they didn't make the list. Even though they were rejects for my list, here they are anyway! 

Pigcock: A pig and a pea-cock that makes the best looking animal also the best tasting so it will be the most beautiful thing you've ever tasted!

Horbra: This is a horse with the coloration of a zebra. Turns out to be an extremely boring mix.

 Buffalo Bill: A wise-cracking bison and duck mix that is very unfunny. They are constantly trying to make jokes, even when the situation doesn't call for it and they make lame jokes like saying they will pick up the check and then say, "just put it on my BILL!" and then laugh at their own jokes when no one else in the room does.

Groundpecker: A groundhog and a wood-pecker combination that pecks holes in the ground and burrows into trees....this one was flawed from the start.

 Blue-tittedboobie: A titmouse and a blue-footed boobie cross that.....well, I think it's obvious why I had to scrap this idea.

Cheetapillar:  I came up with a cheetah with ten sets of legs. I figure that has to be about the fastest thing in the universe, but then I remembered for all the legs a caterpillar has, they're pretty slow things.

Panguin: You take a penguin that has the coloration of a Panda bear. The stupid idiot is the same thing!

Hootster: An owl that crows like a rooster but only at night. This idea angered me so much after I came up with it, that I couldn't have it make my list.

Pigeonrat: A rat and a pigeon, I just took the two dirtiest animals on the planet and put them together. This thing would have the cleanliness of something between a hobo and the bottom of an outhouse. Then I thought, how funny would it be if Pigeonrat was a neat freak and germaphobe and obsessed over cleaning!? Not funny at all was my conclusion.

Honkey: Taking a horse and a donkey and combining them. I was pretty pleased with the name until I realized that we already have a horse and donkey mix in real life and it's called a Mule.      .........my name is better.

Humpedback-camel: You take a humped-back whale and combine it with the two humps of a camel and you get a three humped camel. It's simple math. I'm not sure what a camel needs two humps for, let alone three. Also the name sounds like an oxymoron, although I will say baleen would be good for sifting through desert sand.

Fox: An ox plus a fox and you get..........a Fox. It was a good idea but executed poorly on my part.

Dingopher: A dingo mixed with a gopher makes a red gopher that likes to dig holes out back! If creativity could ever get used up, Dingopher is proof.



Thursday, April 21, 2016

Popular Books Rewritten as Books for Children: Moby Dick

Moby Dick Poster by Jillian Nickell

Once upon a time, there was a douche-bag. You know what a douche-bag is, don't you? Well, you will by the end of this book!

His name was Ahab, and he was the captain of a whaling ship. Ahab named his ship the Pequod. A dumb name for a ship, we can all agree on that but to be fair, Ahab used to have a much better ship that was destroyed by a whale. The whale said it was an accident and he didn't see any damage, but Ahab lost his ship AND his leg. 

You'd think a guy that makes his living on a ship wouldn't really mind having a peg leg, because, hello, you're on a ship idiot! What other profession is it acceptable to have a peg leg?? None, other than sailor right? Well, Ahab didn't see the irony here and vowed revenge on the whale that did this to him. The whale's name was Moby, he was a white sperm whale. Giggle all you want, the sperm whale is actually named after whale sperm....so....joke's on you!

Ahab never told his crew that he caught Moby sleeping with his wife and that was the real reason why he was so angry, but trust me, that's what happened! Ahab offered his crew money if they killed Moby, and they were like, "Hey, do it yourself, we don't care about your revenge! Killing a poor innocent whale out of anger is a horrible reason, we want to kill whales for the good reasons!" 

Ahab was like, "Everybody just calm down, I offered money to make things a bit more interesting. Nobody enjoys killing whales, but hey, if you have to kill a whale, you might as well enjoy it!" 

You wouldn't think you could just find a single specific whale in the pacific ocean, especially when you can't see underwater, but that didn't stop Ahab! He just sails around looking for the mysterious white whale and he refuses to gam with other ships. 

What is a gam you ask? (After you read it several times in the sentence above trying to figure it out) It is when two whaling ships stop to chit-chat about various things, such as, their love of killing peaceful gentle giants to make a slightly more affordable lantern oil. 

Queequeg is Ahab's buddy. He is really good at killing whales. It's like a gift, he was born with this whale killing ability. This guy was so talented in whale killing that Sports Illustrated ranked him in the top ten. When baby whales have nightmares in their sleep, it's Queequag they dream about. He gets sick one day and is like, "I'm probably gonna die, so make me a coffin!" They do but then he's like, "Actually I'm fine, thanks for the coffin, I'll make a boat out of it." Ahab puts his hands on his hips and shakes his head saying, "Oh that Queequeg!"

At this point, the entire crew hates Ahab. They call him Captain Jerk behind his back. They keep telling him to just go home and give up on the crazy idea of deep sea revenge. However, a true douche-bag only listens to himself!

So one day Moby is just swimming around, minding his own whale business when Ahab spots him and is like, "The money is mine, I spotted him. See I told you the money incentive would be fun and interesting!" They lower the boats and go after Moby but he wants none of that! Moby starts smashing the boats and killing people. 

Ahab is like, "YOU NEED A TIME OUT MISTER!" and starts harpooning the crap out of Moby. You might think getting stabbed repeatedly makes whales happy, but no, it makes them angry. Ahab gets tangled in all the ropes and is dragged off to sea while stuck to the side of Moby. 

I don't know the moral of the story. It's like it doesn't even have one. The asshole is a douche-bag throughout the whole book and finally gets what he deserves in the end. OH! There's the moral! The moral of the story is, if you're an asshole, eventually you'll get whats coming to you. 

THE END





Wednesday, April 13, 2016

A Day In The Life Of A Stay At Home Dad


As a stay at home dad or "house-husband" I'm just starting to get the hang of this homemaker stuff. Sometimes there is a learning curve. Here is one of my experiences as a stay at home dad.


I decided to do laundry. Since I'm a man and have never seen, let alone ever used a washing machine before in my life, I naturally dumped in the entire bottle of laundry detergent. There were directions, but who needs those? I knew it needed more, so I added some bubble bath, just to make sure my whites are sparkling white! I then went into the kitchen to make breakfast.

 Again, being a father, I never used appliances like toasters before. I put in some bread into the toaster and then attempted to make eggs using the stove. The toaster began smoking and two black pieces of toast popped out. I grabbed them, because I'm so stupid that I didn't know black and smoking usually indicates hot, they burned my hand so I screamed and threw them across the room. 

Just then, a massive wall of bubbles came rolling into the kitchen coming from that washing machine you almost forgot about. Frantically, I searched for the worst possible thing to aid me in this situation...a broom! I began to sweep and attack the wall of bubbles, oddly enough, that didn't do much.

 All of a sudden, the frying pan burst into high flames, I ran over and started to blow on the fire and wave the broom at it, attempting to put it out. The broom caught on fire and so now I had a torch I was waving around trying to put out while still blowing on the fire in the pan. In the middle of this the baby starts crying but the TV was turned up so loud, they both almost drowned out the fire alarm. 

While I was waving my torch broom around, it caught the curtains above the sink on fire. I smacked them down into the sink and turned on the water, I started to beat on them with the broom. 

The phone rang at this point and although I was a little busy with multiple disasters, I still decided to answer it, just to find my wife on the other end asking how things were going. When she heard all the commotion she asked what was going on in our house, I quickly came up with a lame lie to fool her and I said, "Everything is fine, nothing is wrong, I have everything under control, I can handle it." She then asked what that beeping noise was and after stuttering trying to come up with another lie, I told her, "I was just testing the smoke detector and it's working just fine honey, gotta go, bye!" and I slammed down the phone and continued to battle the soap suds and fire at the same time. 

At this point the curtains that were on fire were now out, but they had clogged the sink drain and the water I had turned on was now overflowing and running down to the floor because I never shut off the water. I shut off the water and dipped the still flaming broom into the sink water and turned my attention to the other fire still burning in the frying pan.

I looked for the worst thing that could put out a fire, and grabbed the baby's milk bottle and squirted it on the fire and then I smacked the smoke detector with the broom, knocking it down and then instead of turning it off or taking the batteries out, I jumped on it until it stopped beeping. 

Breathing heavily, I sat down in a heap at the kitchen table and squirted some of the milk into my coffee and took a big swig. That's when I noticed the bottle was labeled as, "Breast Milk." Horrified, I spit the coffee out coughing and making a grossed-out face. The baby laughed at me.


And that was just an average day for a stay at home dad!....................or not. 


Tuesday, April 12, 2016

Totally 80's Child Test 2


 
I made another 80's test for you to see how much about the 80's you know. If you'd like to take my first one, go here  http://andrew-mytwocents.blogspot.com/2013/05/80s-child-test.html  if not, try this one! Keep your score and find out how you stack up...80's style!

1. In Revenge of the Nerds, what did character Frederick W. Palowaski want people to call him?
a. Booger
b. Ogre
c. Ox
d. Tank
e. Oaf
f. Hoss

2. Went into Wrestlemania 3 undefeated to fight in the Championship match...
a. Hulk Hogan
b. The Iron Sheik 
c. Honky Tonk Man
d. Junk Yard Dog
e. Macho Man Randy Savage
f. Andre the Giant

3. In Super Man II, what does General Zod want Super Man to do?
a. Bow before Zod
b. Kneel before Zod
c. Kiss Zod's ass
d. Perish at the hands of Zod
e. leave earth
f. Die before Zod

4. Michael Knight's talking car...
a. General Lee
b. the batmobile
c. KITT
d. KATT
e. KARR
f. KET

5. Rocky Balboa's license plate from Rocky IV...
a. ROCKY
b. FITE R
c. SOTHPAW
d.ITA STAL
e. BALBOA
f. ROC-1

6.Although it isn't in history books and no credit was ever given, we all know Rocky Balboa single handedly ended which war?
a. the Civil War
b. World War II
c. World War III
d. the Cold War
e. the Revolutionary War
f. the war of 1812

7. In the A-Team, Mr.T's character had a well known fear of...
a. snakes
b. spiders
c. bats
d. water
e. crowded places
f. flying

8. "Say your prayers and take your vitamins and you'll never go wrong."
a. Mr. T
b. Mr. Clean
c. Hulk Hogan
d. Mr. Peanut
e. Mr. Rogers
f. Mr. President

9. The war between the United States and the Soviet Union...
a. The Cold War
b. The US-Russia War
c. World War II
d. World War III
e. The Soviet War
f. The Commie War

10. Who did Rocky NOT fight in the 80's?
a. Apollo Creed
b. Mr. T
c. Hulk Hogan
d. Ivan Drago
e. Tommy Gunn
f. Paulie

11. Teddy Ruxpin's also talking less popular friend.
a. Wormy
b. Slimy
c. Friendly
d. Buggy
e. Grubby
f. Sally

12. "When this baby reaches BLANK miles per hour, you're gonna see some serious shit."
a. 99
b. 100
c. 65
d. 88
e. 200
f. 89

13. In Police Academy, what did Mahoney put into the Commandant's speech podium?
a. a stink bomb
b. a snake
c. a camera
d. a hose
e. a radio
f. a hooker

14.  Clear, often glitter infused shoes made out of PVC plastic...
a. Jellies
b. Jammiess
c. Plasties
d. Softies
e. Squishies
f. Jennys

15. Which cartoon show did NOT start out as greeting cards?
a. The Shirt Tails
b. Rainbow Bright
c. The Care Bears
d. Get Along Gang
e. Strawberry Shortcake
f. The Smurfs

16.The "Y" in Yuppie stands for...
a. Youthful 
b. You
c. Young
d. Yes
e. Yorker 
f. Yoga

17. Which did NOT take place in New York City?
a. Crocodile Dundee
b. Ninja Turtles
c. Night Court
d. Cheers
e. Ghostbusters
f. My Two Dads

18. Everyone knows Michael Jackson's Thriller was the best selling album of the 80's, but who had the SECOND best selling album of the 80's?
a. Madonna
b. AC/DC
c. Kenny Loggins
d. Phil Collins
e. Huey Lewis
f. Guns N Roses

19. How many states did Ronald Regan win in his 1984 election?
a. 26
b. 15
c. 38
d. 45
e. 49
f. 50

20.  Gravity defying, wall crawling, sticky octopus plastic toy.
a. Wacky Wally
b. Wacky Crawly
c. Wall Crawly
d. Octo Walker
e. Wall Walker
f. Wacky Walker



Dude....time for the results!

1. B- Ogre was the big, mean jock that made the nerd's lives a living hell.
2. F- Andre the Giant went to Wrestlemania 3 undefeated in the WWF to face Hulk Hogan for the Championship, he would lose the match.
3. B- General Zod demanded that Super Man KNEEL BEFORE ZOD! 
4. C- KITT was Michael Knight's talking car, the acronym for Knight Industries Two Thousand.
5. C- In the montage scene of "No Easy Way Out" Rocky's license plate is seen and clearly reads, SOTHPAW, referring to the nickname for left handed boxers.  
6. D- At the end of Rocky IV, he makes a speech that makes us realize if he can change, and they can change, WE ALL CAN CHANGE! 
7. F- Mr. T's character, B.A. Baracus was terrified of flying and refused to do it. In almost every episode of the A-Team, they had to trick and or drug Mr. T to get him on the plane.
8. C- Hulk Hogan's trademark message to all of his little hulkamaniacs.
9. A- The Cold War never had a single shot fired but for years we were at war with the Soviet Union.
10. E- Rocky V came out in 1990, and although he never had an official fight with Apollo Creed in the 80's, he did fight him as payback in Rocky III, he also fought a drunk Paulie that wasn't much of a fight, in that same movie.
11. E- Grubby was a strange-looking caterpillar thing that you could buy, but not a lot of kids did.
12. D- 88 MPH was the exact speed needed for time travel, according to Doc Brown in Back To The Future.
13. F- Mahoney's prank backfired when he hid a hooker in the podium.
14. A- Jellies, also known as Jelly Shoes, made your feet smell pretty bad, but that didnt stop girls from wearing them in the 80's.
15. F- All of those cartoons first began as greeting cards, but not the Smurfs.
16.C- Yuppie was a term created in the 80's for the "Young Urban Professional" that seemed to be everywhere.
17. D- The Cheers bar was, and is, in Boston, not New York. The rest of the things took place in New York, which was a common setting for TV and movies in the 80's.
18. B- Back in Black was the second best selling album of the 1980's, only behind Thriller.
19. E- Ronald Regan won a mind boggling 49 states for his second term, an impressive feat considering the voting records he set to win his first term.
20. A- The octopus that walked down your walls was Wacky Wally, although very are, you can still find him for sale today.

Scores:
18-20  Totally Awesome! You're a Go-Go 80's Reganaut like myself! 

15-17  Radical! Not the best score, but you're still cool enough to party with Spuds Mckenzie! 

10-14  You're like Robo Cop..........you were in the 80's, but nobody cares. 

5-9  Bogus! You're the Walter Mondale of 80's tests. 

0-4  Dude.........you must be a Millennial, and if you're not, you might as well be. 

Wednesday, February 17, 2016

Is the legend of Jocko Graves a true story?


If you're from the North East, or any old part of the country, it isn't anything to see one of these lawn jockey statues in the front of old houses. My grandmother had one. I used to climb on him and think about how heavy he felt. In recent years, these statues are becoming more and more rare and at a glance, it isn't hard to see why. They look like racist relics of the past, a reminder of closed minded people. Sometimes these lawn jockeys will be vandalized or destroyed because they are believed to be the statues of racist homeowners.

The black paint, big red painted lips, and big white eyes of these caricature lawn jockeys appear to be nothing more than racist lawn ornaments. But is there more than meets the eye? The offensive stereotypical African American statues aren't the only kinds of lawn jockey. There is a far less racist version, and it often depicts the jockey as a white person. These versions were first made in 1872. They are common today and no one thinks they are racist statues.

There are some people out there that believe these little statues are tributes to the past, specifically to one historical individual that was a hero. Lawn Jockeys, as racist and stereotypical as they appear, may have started out as statues to honor what could be the first black war hero. Others are quick to dismiss this theory. I will discuss why both sides of the argument feel the way they do.

You first need to understand why anybody would think these statues could be anything but racist reminders of different times. It supposedly all started with a boy named Jocko.

The Legend of Jocko Graves

The legend of Jocko Graves, as it is often called, starts back in the American Revolution. As General George Washington was about to fight the British in the battle of Trenton, he first had to cross the Delaware river. We are all very familiar with the epic depiction of that particular historical moment. Right before they crossed, they gathered on the Pennsylvania side of the river. Washington had a young slave boy with him supposedly named Jocko. He told Jocko to watch the horses until they came back, and to hold a lantern showing them where to return. Jocko took his job very seriously because when the army returned they found little Jocko had died. He froze to death during the night. Instead of getting warm or deserting the horses, young Jocko died in the middle of his service to General Washington. Sometimes the legend says he still had the horse reigns in his hands and others say he was still holding a lantern. As the story goes, Washington was so moved by Jocko's devotion to his orders, that he erected a statue of him when he returned to his home, Mount Vernon. In some versions of the legend the boy was buried underneath this statue. As years went by, people that visited Mount Vernon were touched by the slave boy statue and began to copy it. After all, George Washington was a hero and trendsetter of the period, who didn't want to be like him? The statue could also be used as a hitching post, and that was very useful in times of horse and carriages. That's why the statue often has a ring in his outreached hand. If this story is true, then Jocko Graves could be thought of as one of the first African American heroes.

Why People Think the Legend is Not True

There are many scholars and historians that feel there is no truth behind this story. They actually have a lot of reasons, but I found every one of their reasons why the story isn't true also has a counter reason that would make it true. First, their reasons why it isn't true.

  • There is no record of a Jocko Graves as a person.
  • There was no account of a slave boy being with the army that night.
  • Slaves didn't have last names. 
  • Washington wouldn't have cared if a slave boy died.
  • There is no statue at Mount Vernon.
  • There is no record of a slave boy statue ever being at Mount Vernon. 
  • Like the cherry tree story, it was a made up story to make a point. 

All good reasons and after hearing them, it's easy to see why so many people dismiss the story as a made up legend. However, I think there are many counter arguments to each one of these.

There is no record of Jocko Graves as a person. No record of a slave boy shouldn't be all that strange though. Sure slaves were property and well documented to who owned them, but a 12 year old boy wouldn't have been worth nearly as much as a full grown man. Therefore, keeping solid records of children might not have been as important. But one thing that stands out would be that "Jocko" might not have been the boy's name. It might be a nickname, or might be the name Washington used. If that was the case, there would be no record of anyone by the name of Jocko.

There has been no historical account of a slave boy being with Washington the night of the Battle of Trenton. Why would there have been? A slave or servant of Washington wouldn't have been in military records. Washington might have brought him along from home. Blacks were still slaves in 1776, nobody gave them the same treatment as white people. Listing a slave with all the other white soldiers isn't something they would have considered. This would make sense why Jocko Graves was never mentioned in any historical accounts of the Battle, not to mention that standing with a bunch of horses while everybody else fought, wasn't all that important of a thing for anybody to jot down at the time.

However, there is one eye-witness account that tells about 3 deaths that happened that night. Two of those men are accounted for, but the third is unnamed. Could this have been the boy Jocko? 

Slaves didn't have last names. They didn't but they often had the last name of their owner so either way the name "Graves" doesn't make sense. I, and many others, think that the last name Graves was made up for the story, because the boy does die and he didn't have a last name. If the part of the story was true and Jocko was actually buried under his statue, then it could be possible that it was known as "Jocko's Grave." If people began to copy the statue for their own homes, they may have been known as "Jocko Graves." In time, referring to the boy and the statue may have become the same thing.

Washington wouldn't have cared if a slave boy died. I don't think that is necessarily true. If he had a boy with him and gave him a direct order, the odds were that he was close with this slave boy. Jocko could have come with Washington and been his personal servant. He may have even been his son, as it wasn't uncommon for the Masters to have children with slaves, of course those children were only looked at as slaves. Did Washington feel a stronger connection to this slave boy though? It would explain for his actions after Jocko's death. The statue at Mount Vernon would then make sense.

There is no statue at Mt. Vernon. It's fair to say the place has changed since 1776. Again, let's say the story was true. Washington may have been proud of Jocko but very few would have had the same opinion. A statue of any slave would have been unheard of, especially a slave boy. Many people at Mount Vernon may have found the statue to be unsightly, and if Jocko was in fact buried there, a tribute grave site on the grounds for a slave boy may have been something they just didn't want around. Keep in mind how white people viewed slaves in the 1700's. I could see this statue coming down the day after George Washington died. Forgotten and out of memory for 200 years. It has been so long and since there is no statue there today, most people would say it was never there. This would account for no record of a slave statue being at Mount Vernon. It may have been very small, or it may have been in a slave grave site, making it very easy for someone to dispose of it soon after Washington was gone.

It was a made up story just to prove a point, much like Washington chopping down the cherry tree story. Possibly, after all it would be one of the first heroes for African Americans. I see a major problem in this because of how old the story is. The lawn jockey goes so far back, that nobody was trying to make up stories to make black people feel better in those years. No one really cared to do that when the first lawn jockey was becoming popular. If this story came out today, I'd say yes, sounds like a feel good story we can all get behind but it is over 200 years old. I highly doubt someone went out of their way to create a lawn ornament that had a compelling, touching story that was intended to make black people feel good. Why would anyone do that in the 1700's? Was the story just to sell lawn jockeys? Again, it is possible, but why a story like that? Depicting a slave boy as a hero wouldn't have helped to sell lawn jockeys to rich white people. 

 Over the years the statue itself changed. The earliest version looks very much like what an original statue of Jocko Graves may have been at Mount Vernon. Another reason why the legend might be a true story. The earliest version would have been closest to the original. It wasn't offensive or racist looking when it was first created, possibly meaning it wasn't mean to be funny or a joke. The caricature version that came out in the 1880's on the other hand.....

I don't know if the legend of Jocko Graves is true but I do know there is often truth behind legends. Maybe it didn't happen in the exact way the story says, but there could have been a child named Jocko that aided Washington during the Revolution. The lawn jockey had to be based on SOMETHING.

Eventually the lawn jockey started to become more and more rare due to the automobile. No one needed a hitching post for a horse any more. The ring was then replaced by a lantern and the lawn jockey continued to be a very popular decoration. The one at my grandmother's house had a lantern in his hand that was used to light up the driveway.

Lawn jockeys are still being made and can still be bought. I really like the horse jockey style. They can come in any color combination and sometimes they are made to represent real people.

The next time you see a lawn jockey don't be so quick to deem it racist. The idea behind it might be honoring a brave boy that George Washington called a hero, but that's just my two cents.