PHANTOM OF THE OPERA FROM MY VIEWPOINT

So I decided to talk a little bit about that famous Andrew Lloyd Webber classic, "Phantom of the Opera." He didn't write this or even come up with the idea for it actually, in fact nothing good he does is original come to think of it...but he did write the music for it. Phantom of the Opera was a silent movie years  and years ago, that gives you some idea of how old it is. I'm going to discuss it but from my point of view. SPOILER ALERT: I will discuss the ending and secrets.

The phantom of the Opera is about these two dudes that just bought a new opera house theater thing and they're like, "Oh cool, we're gonna be rich now cause we are going to put on some operas!" Phantom of the Opera, btw, is a musical not an opera but how ironic is that? Anyway, these two guys are checking out a rehearsal of their first performance they will be putting on and there is this really bitchy diva lady that is their top woman. She's the "fat lady" from the old saying, "It ain't over until the fat lady sings." Not sure if the character is always portrayed as a fat woman so I'll go ahead and apologize to the actress that was playing her the night I went to see it. Sorry, you did a good job! She's all important and annoying but they love her because she is good at what she does. Then all of a sudden this crap from the ceiling falls almost killing her! And everyone is like, "It's that damn ghost again!" And the two dudes are like, "wait ghost what now??" And the former owner of the opera is like, "GOOD LUCK BITCHES!!!"

People start to say there is a phantom of that opera house and if you anger him he will mess you up. Well the two dude guys are like, "Hey, this is sum bullshit here, we didn't buy a ghost, all we wanted was to put on operas!" They don't really believe in him but almost everyone else there does. So the diva fat woman (again sorry ma'am) is like, "Hey screw this job, I'm tired of almost being killed by some dumb idiot ghost guy, I quit until you fix this problem!" And the two dudes are like, "Oh that's just great, our best singer just walked out on us just because she almost died today at work!" Then this little girl, (again, not sure if the character or just the actress was little) comes out and is like, "Oh dudes, the best singer is one of your dancers and she just has to prove it to you by singing so please let her!" That's where Christine comes in, she's the main character and I guess her dad was a famous musician or something? She starts singing and the two dudes are like, "Man, she's pretty damn good! Who cares about that fat woman, this is the star of the show right here!" And there is a cool transition singing part that shows she is in the lead of the opera and everyone thinks she is great.

Then this other guy named Raoul is in a balcony watching her and he's like, "Oh no shit! That's that girl I used to know and now I like her!" So he goes and talks to her and wants to be with her and she's like, "There is an angel of music that my dead dad sent me and he is helping me to be a great singer, just don't piss him off." The other dude is like, "Ok you're crazy but hot so I'm in love with you and screw this angel of music guy and let's go party!" Well this doesn't make the Phantom of the Opera happy! He gets all jealous and pissy and plans to just kidnap Christine for some reason.

This is the cool part of the show with the best song as far as I'm concerned. Oh wait, I forgot about the beginning! So in the beginning I'm confused because it takes place way after the musical you are about to watch happens, so the whole time we are all watching a flashback story. But it starts out with them auctioning off old crap from that opera house and they're like, "CHECK OUT THE CHANDELIER, IT USED TO BE OLD BUT NOW IT'S AWESOME AGAIN!" And the music starts and its a really cool intro for a musical I have to say.

So any ways the Phantom takes Christine down into his dungeon lair hell hole shitty apartment and is like, "This is where I live and I'm your angel of music, thanks for coming along with me when I came out of your mirror no questions asked!" He's all, "start singing" and she does, never asks why or whatever then goes to sleep in his bed. I thought that was odd, she just gets tuckered out and takes a little nap. Meanwhile, the Phantom is being a jerk by writing music and singing and the whole time I'm like, "Wo wait, she's trying to sleep you ass!"

She wakes up and is like, "let me check out the gross half of your face!" I can honestly say we are all wondering what's under that cool mask but he is a bit sensitive being a freak of nature and all and he throws this big hissy fit and I'm thinking, "Well this is what you get for kidnapping someone AND for trusting the outside world, as you should have known, we will NOT accept you."

The two owners of the opera are enjoying prosperity because everyone loves Christine and thinks she's just the best but the Phantom keeps sending them notes on how they should be doing stuff and they're like, "geez, screw this guy, enough with the notes and orders already!" So they ignore them and keep doing what they want and the Phantom is like, "Welp, I'll just kill someone to prove I'm not joking around here." He hangs the janitor or whatever and everyone is freaking out but he's all calm about it like, "what?? I'm a hideous monster! What did you expect? I don't care what you think about me!"

Now the people want the Phantom dead and are convinced he is real and they should be terrified of him but the whole time Raoul, the guy that is dating Christine, is like, "I bet it's just some ugly guy in a mask and cape and I ain't afraid of no ghost!" People are like, no way man, that ghost will mess you up! So he asks the dance teacher because she seems like she knows everything about him, which made me wonder if she was in on anything. Guess not though, she tells his story and I'll do my best to relate what she said:
               
             "This ugly freak was born once and they stuck him in a cage and made him travel around with a freak show for a circus. But he wasn't just ugly, he was also talented! He could make inventions and stuff and he was very musically inclined as far as freaks go. But like most circus folk, he had a bad temper and anger issues and I think he may have killed some people." 

They keep getting these notes from the Phantom and in the current opera its like, "Make the big fat lady a silent part and make Christine the star." And they're like, "Oh whatever jerk, we're going to do the opposite!" This part was great and really funny, it is actually my favorite part of the whole thing. Somehow Phantom messes with the fat lady's voice and she can't go on and the whole opera is ruined and they are all mad and stuff and then the Phantom is like, "Oh you don't like that? Well I have something worse."

 Well the cranky-ol Phantom decides no one is listening to him and he is SO upset, how upset is he? Upset enough to drop a chandelier! And he does. It's actually a really cool part of the show because they really do drop a massive chandelier and it's over the actual audience and you just know half of them crapped their pants. People in the theater actually screamed out, it was pretty awesome. 

Christine finally tells Raoul about the Phantom and Raoul is like, "Don't worry, I'll kick his ass if he comes near you again." But he also proclaims his love to her and Christine is like, "Oh ya, I love you too." The Phantom over hears this because he is hiding behind a statue and he is like, "Oh Raoul you are SOOoooo freakin dead....."  and we're all thinking, "You know what? This could be a pretty good fight." Now it is time for intermission AND my intermission report!

Ok well so far at this part we have established all the characters and what they're about. We know the Phantom is the bad guy but we're not sure why at this point because it seems like the classic tale of man trying to get woman by using them. The bathroom lines are ridiculously long and I really suggest just skipping them or peeing your pants. You can also use a handicap bathroom when no one is looking. I watched someone do that several times. You can get something to eat or drink at this point but watch out the prices are INSANE! I shouldn't complain, if you're wearing a tux to watch a musical, then I assume  you'll pay 6 dollars for a Pepsi. (actual price)  

The show starts and it's my favorite song from the whole thing, "Masquerade." You'll know its called that because they sing that word about 100 times in it, also its the same song that the musical mechanical monkey plays. (You'll understand what that means when you watch it) They are having a big party because the Phantom has left them alone for a long time and everyone thinks he is gone. Christine and Raoul reveal they are engaged now..........to no one but themselves. See, Christine knows the Phantom will be pissed if he finds out so she comes up with this stupid idea of a "secret engagement." Oh yes Christine, this is believable! A girl that wants NO ONE to know about their engagement! No flaws in this plan! No girl ever wants to tell every single other girl and human being about how they are now engaged! No girl ever talks about their upcoming wedding with anyone either. Yes, Raoul will just fall for this load of crap. Well turns out, he does. He even says, "I can only hope I understand in time." Really? How much time do you need? The engagement might be over by that time and you'll be married idiot!

Anyway, awesome entrance at this point. As the great Masquerade song comes to an end, and all the rich jerks are having their party, the song goes directly into the Phantom theme and it's loud and in your face and the door busts open and the Phantom comes in and they're all like, "OH SHIT!" Really one of the best entrances of all time. And he's all cool and is like, "Oh what, you thought I was gone? Well too bad jackasses! Not only am I here, but I have written you an opera and you better preform it or I'll break more than that Chandelier." They know he isn't kidding because he already killed a guy once and had a few more failed attempted murders.

Turns out the Phantom's opera sucks. They can't sing it and they all hate it and I agree with them, it really wasn't all that good. Yet, they're terrified if they don't do it, they're all going to die, so what choice do you have in a situation like that? Now Raoul is convinced the little freak boy is who the Phantom really is and he plans to catch him so he sets up a trap during the Phantom's opera. I also believe the the Phantom made this opera just as an excuse to hit on Christine.

The musical was getting long at this point and I don't remember much about how he escapes but whatever he does he again kidnaps Christine and takes her his underground hide-out. The dance instructor is like, "Ok Raoul, I'll show you where he lives but I'm not going down there!" So Raoul goes down to find her and tangle with the Phantom. It's a cool part because they have a fight and I have to say I was a little bit disappointed in the Phantom's fighting, I felt like he should have really had super-human strength or something like that. However, let us not forget he was into music and not sports. Just as we think Raoul is going to keep wailing on the Phantom, he falls for a trap and the Phantom hangs him with a magic rope thing. Pretty cool by the way. So Raoul is standing there all tied up by the neck and gagging and Phantom is all calm and collected and is like, "Well I'll kill him whenever I get around to it. BUT FIRST, I need Christine to choose either me or him." She's like, "Seriously? I have to choose one of you? Why is it even a choice! I totally picked Raoul over you from the start you moron, I only used you for the singing lessons and help to become famous and then, I went for the rich handsome guy, what the hell am I choosing???" She didn't say any of that, but I could see it in her eyes. She says she chooses the horrid Phantom IF he just lets Raoul go. This makes the Phantom realize a few things, and I can't say what they are???


Theory 1. Some people think that at that moment he realizes he has been a joke this whole time and never was in the running for Christine and had been played, so like a fool, he will just go ahead and let them both go as one of those, "Ok, you got me! I'll be a good sport about it though," kind of things.

 Theory 2. Some people think that at that moment he realizes how much Christine loves Raoul, that she is willing to end up living in a sewer married to a monster just to let the other guy live. Knowing how strong that love is, he decides to let them go because he doesn't have the same thing with Christine yet it is what he wanted.

Theory 3. Some people think that at that moment he realizes he clearly isn't her first choice and he doesn't want to be second place loser, so he lets them both go, knowing he wasn't picked even though she says, I choose you Phantom.

SPOILER ALERT FOR THE ENDING...
I can't say what the reason is but he just kinda tells them to get out of his basement room thing because the angry mob is breaking his door down. Not sure why he felt the need to help them, "escape" it's not like the mob would have killed Christine or her secret fiancee, they were there to save them! But he is like, GO SAVE YOURSELVES!!! And they go and he just lies on the floor all sad and pathetic playing with his toy monkey. As it plays he actually starts to slowly sing the masquerade song and many people in the audience at this point went, "OHHHH, IT WAS THAT SONG."  So then the mob breaks down his door and they charge in and we are all thinking, "Well this looks like the end for our gentle murderer. Poor guy." They grab him and he just kinda bends over and hides in his cloak all shameful and defeated and they drag him out to center stage and then BAM!!! His cloak falls to the floor, completely empty!!! It was REALLY cool and so bad-ass that he escapes like that. All that remains on his empty cloak piled up on the floor is his mask. The crowd all gasped at that part and then started clapping. 


And so that is the Phantom of the Opera according to how I see it. I love how the bad guy gets away in the end and I'm not sure he even was the bad guy. So he killed a few people, who can say they haven't done the same thing?? Sure he was just using a girl because he was obsessed over her but again, who hasn't done that before? I really think this is time's oldest tale, guy likes girl, guy obsesses over girl, guy gives girl stuff she wants, girl leads guy on, guy really obsesses over girl and starts to scare her, girl meets better guy but continues to reap the benefits of the first guy, guy starts to get wise to the girl so he gets possessive, girl starts to find a way out, guy gets really possessive, girl finally leaves guy breaking his heart but comes back with the classic "what did you expect? You're a freak." I've seen it a 100 times.....

I say go see the Phantom of the Opera if you like the following: Freaks in masks, capes, singing, operas, musicals, chandeliers, and toy monkeys. You'll be glad you did but that's just my two cents. 

ANDREW'S ALTERNATE ENDING
The ending was pretty awesome since he gets away and does it in such a cool way but I think it would have been slightly cooler if at that point when he disappears you all of a sudden start to hear his evil laughter all loud and echoing and the mob is looking all around confused and scared and then they hit the first few notes of that awesome Phantom theme, then the curtain comes down. Didn't happen that way but I think that would have been pretty pleasing to the crowd.

THE GOLDEN CALF, A PAPER MACHE PROJECT

The kids in my church are putting on, "Moses, the Musical" and who better to make that famous idol, the false God, Golden Calf than me? Of course I accepted the prop challenge without anyone actually challenging me or even asking me to do it. The problem was I only had 4 days to do whatever it was I was going to do. 

My first idea was to make it out of aluminum foil and spray paint it gold but I was told that would be too expensive. Not sure how cheap the people around me really were, I decided to go bigger and better than foil. Then it hit me, paper mache! I had only used it twice in my life but was pretty sure I was an expert on the subject. With this I could make it huge and then spray paint it gold. 

I first decided to make the Calf in a lying down position, not because it was easier to do without the legs, but because this is how I always pictured it. As you know, the Golden Calf was the idol that the Jews made while Moses was gone getting the first set of Ten Commandments, when he came back down the mountain he found everyone had melted their gold to make a Golden Calf, they were dancing around worshiping it and I don't have to tell you how angry this made Moses! In our production we would need a prop that was over the top. The first idea that they came up with was to just draw in on a piece of paper....I knew I could beat that idea. 

As you can see, I first cut out the shape of a lying down cow from the bottom. I then started to construct its spinal cord and ribs. I would attach the paper mache to these ribs to create the body. I started to work on the neck and wasn't sure how I'd get the head on. 

Luckily I knew cow bodies inside and out. I used duct tape and it didn't really stick to the cardboard like I thought it should have. It kept coming up and peeling off. Not sure if there is a better tape for this sort of thing but I stuck with the duct tape, even if it didn't stick to my project.

I started to make the head separately. 

The head itself was pretty tricky. It had to be the shape of a cow's head and since I was using cardboard that is naturally flat I had to improvise and create some more depth. The head turned out to be pretty heavy so I had to reinforce the neck and front shoulders. I used a coat hanger for the horns because they were the perfect shape for horns, once covered in layers of paper mache no one would ever know anyway. 

The calf was now complete and ready for the paper mache but I would soon learn a lesson in my choice of material. 

Paper mache is easy enough to make. I'd like to point out how UNHELPFUL Wal-Mart was by the way. Not only did they have NO paper mache material, I thought there should be a mix or something and when they didn't I figured I'd go the glue method but they told me they were OUT of white glue. Yes, out of normal, everyday, Elmers, over the counter, white glue. Really? Out of glue? For a second I felt like the dad from A Christmas Story.

Luckily paper mache can be made out of simply adding water to flour and with a pinch of salt. This is how I made mine and I have to say, it really works great. Very messy and annoying to use but it did exactly what I wanted it to do so I can't complain, besides you can't beat the price to make it. I cut up old newspaper into strips and then dipped the strips, wiped off the excess flour goop, and started to make layers on the cardboard skeleton. At this point all I had spent on this whole project was the .68 cents that bought the cardboard. Flour, water, and old newspaper were all free.

The paper mache went on perfectly and I was really happy and excited with the early results. I thought I would leave the calf in the garage over night because it was the hottest place in the house and I knew that would make it dry faster. On the contrary. The paper mache being wet started to soak into the cardboard and the humid ridiculously hot garage made a soggy bovine skeleton that collapsed under the weight of the wet newspaper. You can see in the above picture how much further down the head and neck sunk compared to before it ever had paper mache on it.

Feeling really dejected I tried to think all day of how to get my calf back to where it needed to be as far as shape was concerned. The problem was, while I was at work the wet paper dried even more and when I got home he was almost all dried, keeping his form all condensed and collapsed. I got balloons and blew them up inside his body, this raised  him up again and I was able to start adding more paper mache. This time I left him out of the garage. 

I was running out of time at this point. He was needed by Thursday and here it was Tuesday night. Wednesday night I finished putting on the paper mache and I have to say I was not happy with how it looked at this point. I needed much more time to do a much better job. It could have been MUCH smoother and I could have put in more features and detail but the fact was I had no more time and I needed to add the paint. 

I got the metallic gold spray paint that was supposed to look like real gold when it was dry. I do have to say I loved this paint, it worked like a charm and the Golden Calf was in all his glory. Being rushed on the paper mache layers did result in some minor imperfections that you can see up close. Little bumps and grooves and areas where the newspaper lifted up can be seen and would have been corrected if I had more time or had started out with a better cow skeleton instead of cardboard. At a distance however, it looks pretty amazing. 

As you can see the Golden Calf is ready for his mystical journey and his scene in Moses the Musical. I can't wait to see him on stage with the heathen Jews dancing around him. 

I had a lot of fun making this project even if it wasn't as good as I would have liked. Time restraints and learning curves took their toll in the end. Next time I would like more time and to make a much more sturdy cow infrastructure with reinforced cardboard I-beams. Or even wood. Either way it was fun to make and I hope the kids like it and don't smash it because as I see it, this calf is worth it's weight in gold! 

Growing Orchids: 3 WEEK UPDATE

I thought I'd do an update on the orchids I've been working with. If you remember the "manager's special" you will see that all of the blossoms have fallen off. HOWEVER, it is growing more blossoms as you can see. It is also trying to branch off and is even sending out a new flower spike from a stalk that was already broken off when I bought it. Since it is growing like this I probably should trim it off and let the tiny new shoot become the main one, that is typically what people do so that there is one long slender flower spike with all the flowers on it. 

It is very healthy for a plant that was marked down so low they had to set it on a table by itself and tag it with a, "Manager's Special" sticker. It is even growing new roots as you can see here. Two new fat little roots have emerged from the bottom. 

As for my other half dead orchids, they are all doing very well too. Each one is growing a new leaf. This one started to grow it's leaf first and therefore is the biggest one. It's former newest leaf to the right has grown much bigger and is standing more  upright, a sign that the plant is getting a lot of water. 

The next orchid was so dried out and half dead when I brought it home that I really worried if I would be able to bring it back to life. As you can see it is growing a brand new tiny little leaf. The other leaf is almost standing straight up and down now. It is even growing a tiny new root. All great signs for this little clearance rack special. It really was the furthest gone and had the fewest live roots to work with, I feared the worst the day I re-potted it, but look at it now! 

The last little guy is growing a new leaf pretty good from the looks of it but it's the roots on this one that are really impressive! Just look at the size of that new root, fat and green and with another one starting to come out right behind it. 

All of these orchids were left for dead and marked down just so the store could get rid of them. Not only did I save them but they are on the road to a speedy recovery. Not too bad considering I've only had them for 3 weeks. Just goes to show you what a little patience and care can get you. Some day they will grow new flower spikes and bloom which will be really exciting considering I have no idea what colors the last three will be since they had none when I bought them, (the flowers had already dried and fallen off due to terrible store conditions). I know that they might not  bloom for another year or longer but one day they will and say, "thank you!" I will continue to  update you on these tenacious little guys and remember, plants will always tell you what they need,  you just have to know how to listen. 

TRAIL DUST, ARLINGTON TEXAS, RESTAURANT REVIEW

Trail Dust, the steak house famous for cutting off your tie if you wear one, a place known for its live country western music, dance floor, and steaks! A real Texas experience for anyone who wants to be a cowboy for a night! I couldn't wait to eat here and have been waiting for months to get a chance to eat a steak at Trail Dust in Arlington. I, unfortunately, was disappointed beyond belief at this joke of a place. 


Trail Dust is in a giant barn, because yet again, it's a Texas themed western place! YEE HAW! Well their giant lighted sign is a neck tie being cut in half by scissors, they are famous for this and have 1,000 ties hanging from their walls from people that dared to wear a tie inside! There are signs all over saying they will cut your tie off if you wear it. Not sure why the hatred for the ties but it's just what they do.........or so they think. I'll bitch later. For now let me discuss the atmosphere. 

So far so good, a giant BBQ pit cooking up ribs and steaks and a live band was playing some familiar music with the dance floor full of kids and people dancing away. Really rustic on the inside with wooden walls and wagon wheel lights and pictures of famous cowboys all over the place. Not too bad, I was already enjoying myself a few seconds into this dining experience. This is where the enjoyment ended as well. Once seated at our table we began to look at the menu and talk about what was good or what we wanted. The problem here was the music was so loud you literally couldn't hear the person beside you. This was annoying. The music wasn't that good either it was just 3 guys, a guitarist, a bass player and a drummer. They did some famous songs we all know and love, just not as well as the original bands. Also, NO AIR CONDITIONER. Yes, you heard me, NO AIR CONDITIONER. I was just plain pissed at this idea of fans and being an old time place that would refuse to use air conditioners, or maybe they were broke, beats me, either way it is July in freaking Texas, if you don't have an air conditioner at your establishment, you don't have me as a customer, PERIOD. 

As we sweated in our noise filled section I looked over the legendary steak menu! I was shocked and horrified at how few choices there really were. A steak place, in my opinion, should have more than a few steaks, some of which were the same steak just different oz. sizes. Call me crazy but a steak house specializing in steaks and it doesn't even have a New York strip steak.......really? Come on Trail Dust. The prices were also just plain outrageous and ridiculous. Laughable comes to mind when thinking about the prices. The steaks were big, I will say that, but almost too big. It took me a very long time to find something I actually wanted, it ended up being the smallest steak on the whole menu. Good thing it took me so long to find something because our slow-ass waiter took even longer. By the time he came for the drink order we were like, WATER...NOW, PLEASE...NO AIR CONDITIONER REMEMBER??? Well it took a very long time before we ever saw him again and the second he put down my cup of water, yes I said cup and not glass, it was styrofoam, I drank the whole thing and considering there was more ice than water, that didn't take very long. I know its a very common trick to use a ton of ice so there isn't much drink in a glass but this was water! How cheap can you get Trail Dust??? Let's find out. Oh btw when was the next time he filled up my cup of water? Half way through  eating my steak. 

We were waiting and waiting and then we waited some more. The music, although too loud to have a conversation with anyone around you, wasn't too bad considering there was nothing else to do. Finally our salads came and let me tell you, I'm not a big salad guy and I wasn't going to pay the extra to upgrade to a Caesar but what they brought out was a joke, even for a salad. Some lettuce, dried and shriveled lettuce I might add, some chopped up cucumbers, and officially the worst croutons I've ever had. That's what they called a salad. Congratulations Trail Dust, maybe not the worst salad I've ever eaten but definitely the worst croutons I've ever had, and folks, I've had homemade croutons. 

One minute, and I mean one minute after the terrible salads were dropped off we got our dinners. Thank you Trail Dust for waiting so long before giving us those terrible salads that our entrées came out a minute later. It did save me from having to finish that lettuce crap, even though I doubt I would have. I ordered a loaded baked potato with my meal. How nice for Trail Dust to bring me a potato still wrapped in aluminum foil with all the loaded part on the side so I could make it myself, thank you Trail Dust for allowing me to do your job for you! The steak was.....how you say.......boring. It really didn't look like something I wanted to dig into but this was after 9pm and we were all so hungry who cares at this point?? The flavor was good, I will say that of Trail Dust. Not the best steak ever, not even close, I know I have made better in my own kitchen, let alone my own grill. It was warm btw, not hot, but warm as if it had been sitting a while. Not worth the money by any means. And the "basket of bread" that was listed with our meals was literally a half of slice of white bread on our plates with no butter. Thank you again Trail Dust for not only lying, but letting us watch our carb intakes without you knowing we wanted to do that! Talk about a bunch of cheap bastards. 

So after the subpar steak, well hell, it was a subbogey steak, or even a subdoublebogey steak if you want to get technical, we were done and ready to get out of this stupid place. Not so fast! That was our waiter's speed, "not so fast." Again, not the worst waiter of all time, (that record still belongs to Vice from my Reunion Tower review, and one I doubt any waiter will ever top) but pretty bad. At one point we asked if he could check on something on the menu, he said he had no idea if they had that there but he would go check. We never heard from him again on that. It took forever to get the bill and it took just as long for the guy to come back and get it. You'd think a place like that would be trying to get their money as fast as they could. 

One thing our waiter did do was tell us about the famous tie cuttings. He told us that if you ask, they will cut your tie off and they cut ties off for birthdays only, OR if you ask them to cut them off. When specifically asked "Do they cut your tie off if you just walk in here with one on," he said, no, they wouldn't do that. WAIT WHAT??? It's the ONLY thing you're known for, because your bad steaks sure as hell aren't going to be what draws people in! Your giant sign outside has a tie being cut off, there are 1,000 ties on the wall and there are signs on every wall saying they will cut your tie off!!! But the truth is, they don't actually do that. Ask to have your tie cut off? What stupid idiot asked for that? Let me tell you I purposely didn't wear my tie in that place because I don't want my Calvin Klein's to be cut in half and IF somebody there tried it I would be cutting off something of more value off of them. Either way, I didn't need to worry because it wasn't my birthday and I didn't ask for them to cut it off. What a joke Trail Dust, you're such a liar. Perhaps our moron waiter just didn't know what he was talking about, I believe that could have been the case as he was a moron. 

I couldn't get out of there fast enough, and I mean that, I really couldn't because of how slow our waiter was and how bad the service was. To rate the atmosphere I will give it a high rating of B-, that is, IF there was air conditioning and since I was sweating and starving and annoyed with the music, I give it a D-, I did expect it to be country and rustic so I can't complain about that. For the service I give it a nice solid F, could have been worse (Vice...you know what I'm talking about) but nothing I would consider to be great, good, decent, or even bad service. The food as a whole counting the salads and unloaded baked potato and half slice of bread I didn't even touch I give it a nice big fat D- BUT if we add the steak it would bring that up just a bit to a D+. The steak alone, while not the worst I've ever had, (Truck Stop in Clearfield PA, congratulations for the worst steak of all time had by me) it certainly was not the best, or even a very good steak. Outback steak house has ten times better steaks than what I had at this famed steak barn. The steak itself would be a B-, very flavorful but not hot, not juicy, not appealing, and zero fat, the best part of any steak. It was also very dry, I'm dropping that down to a C now that I think about it. 

All in all Trial Dust of Arlington, the big red barn steak house famous for cutting off ties sucks. It really sucks. At least it did that night. What a waste of time, money, and sweat. Would I try it again? Maybe, but just one more time to confirm how bad it truly is. The problem is I've heard nothing but amazing stories of their food and atmosphere but the person that told me most of them said how terrible the food and service was this night. Trail Dust you get a nice solid D+ from me. Go at your own risk, oh and people.....go ahead and wear a tie, they won't do shit to you. And THAT'S my two cents. 

ORCHIDS, WHY THEY AREN'T HARD TO GROW

Orchids, probably the strangest looking flowers out there. Their appearance is almost fake because they are so unique. When people talk about keeping orchids one of the most common things you will hear is, "they are SO hard to take care of!" Well that simply isn't true as I have found out for myself, that is, as long as you do a few very simple things to keep them happy. An orchid needs very specific conditions, if you provide those, taking care of these beautiful little guys is easy and rewarding. And as always, a plant will tell you exactly what it needs...you just have to know how to listen.

Let me start with my personal history of the orchid flower. If you want to skip all this crap just scroll down until you find, "orchid care." The first time I saw an orchid for sale in a store it was years ago but I remember how I felt when seeing one for the first time. I actually laughed and snickered and thought, "what kind of a moron would buy such a stupid looking fake flower???" I honestly thought it was a plastic fake decoration. I had no idea that it was an actual living plant, I thought someone had made it for show. That's how amazing they are though, they don't even look real. Their colors and simplicity make the orchid, (the phalaenopsis orchids to be exact) an extraordinary flowering plant to display. All I ever heard was, "stay away from them, they are so hard to grow." I never bothered with them and for years I knew nothing about them.

FAST FORWARD TO TWO YEARS AGO: My older sister gets a phalaenopsis orchid for my mother, I think it was Mother's Day? My mother has no green thumb by any means, in fact I joke with her that she has a black hand due to all the plant deaths she's caused over the years. My first reaction to the gift was, what a bone-head present this will turn out to be, one of the most difficult plants to have and a woman that kills some of the easiest plants to take care of, a match made it heaven! I did find the orchid to be extremely beautiful but again, no surprises there. It didn't matter because in my mind after a few days of looking spectacular the flowers would droop, wilt and fall off, and then it was only a matter of time before the leaves began to shrivel and turn brown, dry up and fall off leaving a long dead dried stick in the pot where a marvelous flower once stood. I was wrong and my assumption couldn't have been further from the truth. To my delight AND shock this orchid bloomed for months and is still alive to this very day. I was also very surprised and intrigued about the watering method, placing ice cubes in the pot. (I will discuss this in the care section) I was determined to  not let my mother kill this flower, I reminded her of the "watering" and always found it had already been taken care of by my mother. It's hard to NOT kill these plants with kindness as is the most often cause of death by orchid owners. As I stated before my mother's orchid plant lived through the winter, flowerless, but we all believed that it would re-bloom when the time was right and sure enough, it did.

Fast forward to the present. So I was in the grocery store and there were a ton of flower bouquets in there and on a small table there sat, by itself, a lonely orchid. It said, "manager's special" on the side and marked down to $3.99. That's ridiculously cheap for an orchid flower. I didn't know what was wrong with it, in fact, it didn't seem to be that bad off to me, I assumed it had to do with watering or should I say, lack there of, to be a likely reason for it getting the manager's special tag. I bought it and headed home to find out just what was the matter. I did ton of research and there are a lot of great YouTube channels and websites that helped me learn a great deal. Turns out there are a lot of different kinds of orchid flowers but the one that you probably recognize is the phalaenopsis. I think these are the best, I like them the most anyway. They require some very specific things to grow and last for years. They bloom and the flowers can last several months and they can bloom several times a year.

New buds coming out on the Manager's Special 

I now hunt down these, "manager's specials," in stores saving these dying ones that actually just need some TLC and the proper conditions. The problem with selling orchids is that to ship them and keep them alive in stores looking beautiful means doing things to them that you should never do when you are keeping them in your home. THAT is why people say they are hard to grow and keep alive. When you buy them from the store they are already in need of some help but people don't know this or understand it. So they have the flower for a short time, it starts to wilt and die and they are scratching their heads saying, "why did that happen, I guess they are just hard to care for!" Well they aren't and I will share some tips and tricks with you to help not only keep your orchid alive but keep it thriving for years!

My Manager's Special 

ORCHID CARE:  Phalaenopsis Ochids to be specific. First things first. It is important to note that these orchids love moisture BUT not being damp, wet, soaking, or sitting in water. That is the reason why the moss medium is a terrible idea, sure it's great to keep moisture in BUT it does harm by keeping the roots very damp. Plus orchid roots need air, they like air around them, in the wild they literally cling to trees and never use dirt. Planting in moss really restricts the air flow around roots. I think this is why the ice cube method works well, because it is a very small amount of water, just enough to keep the plant alive but not enough saturation to kill them. Freezing cold water is something that I do not recommend, that's why I'm against the ice cube method. (My mother used this and still uses this for the orchid she has had for over a year. It has bloomed 3 different times in the past year using ice cubes to water.)

From ftd.com

PLANTING: Well you should wait until the plant is done blooming before you do this, that is tough considering if it is in moss you SHOULD replant it. Just wait as the stress on a re-potting could be too much. I find the bark medium a much safer way to plant your orchid. They sell it in almost all stores that carry plants, Lowes, Home Depot, Wal-Mart, and so on. Orchid roots like to be tight and constricted, unlike most other plants so don't feel they need a huge container when replanting them. The roots should be green and if they are a silvery-grey, they want some water. You can actually see them change color when you water. Some roots may be sticking up or growing out of the pot, this is ok, they are air roots and you shouldn't try to cram them down into the pot, just let them grow. Misting them helps to make a happy orchid.

From aboutorchids.com

WATERING: Seems like this is the most debated thing when discussing orchids. Some say the ice cube method is the way to go. Others say tap water works great as long as it's tepid. I've heard running water is what you should do. Some suggest letting it sit in water for a few minutes then make sure it drains well. So what is the right way to do it? I honestly can't say. I do know that the bark dries out very fast and you're going to have to keep an eye on your plant. I run water through mine and this seems to be working so far. Like I said before, orchids like to have moisture but not be wet. Make sure you have a well draining container. Misting helps as well or even a shallow dish of water underneath because orchids love humidity.

From orchidcare.com

Watering too much can cause droopy leaves and ultimately death. I will say less is more when it comes to watering but not nearly as much as a cactus or succulent and I have learned that watering these guys more often than once a week has been needed and welcomed by the plants. Watering slightly more during blooming will probably be needed.

From greenhousecanada.com

SUNLIGHT:  Plants need sunlight, did you know that? Most first-graders do so I sure hope this wasn't a shock to you. What you might not know is that the phalaenopsis orchid likes filtered sunlight and never direct. Keep in mind, these guys come from growing on and under trees, they would naturally have less light getting to them. Leaves should be olive green and perky, standing up is an indication of good watering. A dark green leaf means not enough light. Red or brown spots or edges can mean too much sunlight as they will burn if they get too much. A shear curtain in front of your window does great to give the orchid just enough light but not burn it. An east facing window also works best.

BLOOMING: Your orchid will bloom because it is a flower and that's what it does. It may take a while if it has no flowers but a healthy plant should bloom about twice a year, sometimes more. The flowers should last a few months as well. Keep in mind that when your flower starts to bloom, don't change its direction! It will try to bend towards the light if you move it. When shopping for an orchid try to get one that is just starting to bloom or sending out some buds, this way you'll get to see the flowers bloom for yourself and you know it is just beginning its flower cycle. A flower fully bloomed may be near the end of the cycle and you'll never know but if you start to see flowers falling off a week later you might not see anymore for a year, and that can be disappointing and disheartening but remember, your flower is NOT dead at this point! It is still a plant and still needs to be taken care of just the same.

I hope this helped but remember there is so much more to know about the world of orchids. I suggest consulting Youtube or other webpages about phalaenopsis orchids once you get one, there is so much more information you'll eventually need. They are great little flowers and in my opinion, can't be matched in beauty. 

MOVIE REVIEWS: WHEELS OF TERROR

 I just found out there was a movie from 1990 about a 1974 Dodge Charger that terrorized the land! What a great idea for a movie but as we know the acting in 1990 was some of the worst of all time and if something was made for tv, it was even worse. So how bad or good was this movie? Find out now! Just imagine Jaws if it took place on the land and not in the ocean, and instead of a shark it was a 1974 Dodge Charger, and instead of beach goers it's young girls, that's this movie.

It stars..............no one you've ever heard of. The movie opens up with a man and his daughter broken down on the side of the road with their white Ford Tempo. Already highly accurate and believable. We then see a dirty 74 Charger coming down the road and the man thinks, "Oh good, this car will stop and save us!" BUT OH NO HE DIDN'T. Like most 1974 Dodge Chargers, it speeds up and smashed the Tempo's door off. (Some will say the Ford Tempo's door just happened to fall off as they often did and it was merely coincidence that the Charger was driving by at the exact same time). We then see the Charger back up and the door opens..............the scene ends there and we have no clue who or what or why this is happening, but we are intrigued.

Next we get to meet the main character of the story. She's a single mom that moved from L.A. to be in this tiny Arizona town, classic story. She also happens to be a bus driver and just so happens the guy that works on the buses, a stereotypical Mexican mechanic named Luis, put a racing engine into her bus! Well of course he did because that makes perfect sense! (Hmm...I wonder if that race engine will come into play later on....probably not). She seems happy in this town, as does her daughter Stephanie. When she is picking Stephanie up from gymnastics class she asks the teacher what are the odds of winning and the teacher replies with, "All I know is, I'm going to sleep with every male judge there." That's pretty blunt lady and cheaters never prosper! Either way you never hear about that again so it's not important I just laughed really hard at that line.

While driving kids home from school the Charger stalks her and them. You never see who is driving the car BUT we do often see their perspective from inside the Charger as kids are walking home from school. The bus driver woman takes some kids home. He comes up and drives close to them making the kids and the woman very worried and distraught. The kids start to yell out in fear. If you listen closely you can actually hear a little boy go, "cool!" Haha, yes little boy, that evil car trying to kill you guys is cool. Eventually the Charger disappears and everyone seems to be safe.........OR ARE THEY?!?!

A girl is walking home after being dropped off by the bus and we see the Charger slowly approach. It then circles her just like a kick-ass metal V8 shark. She screams and tries to run away but the Charger flings open its door and snatches the girl up. Lesson learned: You can't outrun a Charger on foot. The townspeople hold a meeting about the terror on wheels that is plaguing their little town but no one has a solution as the cop says, "Hey I'd like them to be more safe but I'm just one man." So they just continue to live life as they always have, carefree with their guard down. The kids will be safe enough........OR WILL THEY?!?!?

The Charger spends its day tailing kids home from school and mysteriously disappearing after the woman bus driver spots it.  She dreams about it chasing her and then wakes up, it was all a dream!..........OR WAS IT?!?! (Talk about a night terror on wheels) A few times it even shows up at her house in the middle of the night to rev its engine and do burnouts on her front lawn. These scenes were really awesome by the way. 

Soon the little girl's best friend is abducted by the evil Charger. She gets in while it is parked outside the school, not sure why she did this. No way she thought it was her mother, her mother wouldn't be driving such a cool car. The bus driver lady knows damn well that it wasn't the girl's mother and she's going to go complain to the sheriff about it. A huge search reveals that the girl is dead in a swamp. Well that's just great and as the bus driver's little girl tells her mom how sad she is that she lost her best friend they hear an odd sound outside of their house....like a loud engine....IT'S THE DEATH CHARGER!!! It's outside in the pouring rain and it decides to rev its engine and peel out of their driveway. The two frightened idiots hug each other crying.

As you can guess the bus driver's little girl is also kidnapped by the Charger but that bus driving mother won't let her child get away and she tears after them in her bus, thank goodness it has a race car engine in it!!! (Did you see that coming?) She is able to keep up with Charger for the most part even though the kids on the bus are crying and yelling at her to stop. They go through a lot of desert-type land and on dirt roads. This is actually a pretty cool chase scene. Unfortunately for the bus driving mom they get to an actual highway and once the Charger hits that pavement, it's gone! The bus just can't keep up although the mom has her bus floored and the passengers terrified.

A bike cop comes after the bus and pulls it over which really angers the mom because she can't lose the Charger anymore than she already has! She gets out and starts yelling at the cop about the car that took her daughter. He actually seems to understand her incoherent screaming and says he will go ahead and call the other cops. But wait, it's time for a slow motion reaction as the mother realizes.........THE CHARGER IS JUMPING OFF A CLIFF RIGHT AT THE BIKE COP!!! It lands on him and destroys the motorcycle as well as the police officer. (Awesome fake mannequin cop part here, it's worth several rewinds.) Well now the woman is pissed but gets back on the bus and takes off after the Charger.

This next part takes forever as she chases him and he chases her and she rams him and he rams her. At one point the Charger tries to trap her at some gas station place and circles her smashing the gas pumps making a ring of fire. It also tries to push her off a cliff and the bus is teetering over the edge with the kids freaking out. It also tries to trap her in some factory thing but yet again she escapes and it drives off. She chases it again for what seems like forever until they get to a big mining operation and although they aren't allowed to drive around that dangerous place with explosives (foreshadowing) they drive right in ramming into one another. The mom does a pretty good job of banging up the Charger here, you'd think she'd be worried about hurting her daughter but she doesn't seem to care. The daughter IS alive by the way because she occasionally pops her head out of the window or sun roof to yell for help.

Finally the woman and Charger are racing around smacking each other and the little girl manages to crawl out of the open sun roof and hangs on to the bus, it's actually a pretty cool scene with the stunts. The bus pushes the Charger and we see it falling off a cliff. The nightmare is finally over.

The mother and daughter hug now that the terror has finally stopped. They cry and hug and are safe at last.....OR ARE THEY?!?!?! They both hear a distant familiar revving of an engine. They look up to see....THE CHARGER IS BACK! This time he means to ram them at full speed! He peels out and flies towards the bus BUT THE BUS WON'T START! The mom turns the key and turns the key and the Charger is getting closer and closer! This looks like the end............then the mother starts the bus and floors it in reverse nearly missing the charging Charger. The evil Charger flies off a cliff (again) but this time it is much, MUCH higher. This is a really cool part because they really flung that car off a huge cliff. It lands nose first into a giant trailer that says, "EXPLOSIVES" on the side (how convenient). A massive explosion of epic proportion ensues and we see a giant fire ball and black smoke rolling up the side of the mountain. Finally the terror is over..........OR IS IT?!?!? No, it really is this time.

Wheels of Terror is one of the best movies I've ever seen in the past 2 hours. It has all the wonderful acting of a TV movie from 1990 with all the huge mega super stars such as.........no one.

 Now to grade this movie. For the acting I give it a solid D, definitely not the worst I've watched but enough to make you laugh out loud. For the plot I give it a C- it was a cool idea but it didn't explain anything and it never really showed the bad guys. This movie is an hour and a half which is pretty long but in it's defense many shots were done in slow motion. The music gets a D- because it was clearly made for TV movie style music and every single time we see the Charger we hear that, "this is the bad guy and or something serious is about to happen" classic over-done music. The actors get a nice big F+ because they did make me laugh but this wasn't supposed to be a comedy. Overall I give this movie an A+ because no matter what it has a 1974 Dodge Charger in it that is totally badass, always revving its engine, peeling out, and terrorizing a small town with some great chase scenes. There are some really great shots in this movie and honestly where else are you going to see that much of a 74 Charger??? The tag line is also pure gold, "Evil waits...with the motor running."

I highly recommend this movie if you're a Mopar fan, a Charger fan, a fan of really bad movies, or just want a good laugh from some bad acting.