MY TOP FIFTEEN FAVORITE SNACK FOODS OF ALL TIME

Snacks, possibly the greatest idea man has ever had. It's not quite a meal and it's not always healthy but it doesn't have to be. The snack food industry is huge and there are a ton of snacks to choose from, sometimes just narrowing it down can be a big chore, after all, there is an entire aisle in the store devoted to just snacks. (But think about all the snacks that AREN'T in that aisle) So which snack would you choose if you could only have one? This list counts down my top 15 favorite snack foods of all time.

Why top 15? Because there were too many on my list to just limit it to 10. Please picture a table full of each one of these 15 snack items, the list is in the order that I would like to eat the most, making number one my first and overall favorite choice. Let the countdown begin!

NUMBER 15. PLANTERS PEANUTS
This is a snack I've been eating for years. Planters dry roasted peanuts have the perfect combination of salt and peanut taste to keep me coming back for more but I will admit they are hardly my first choice. I assume there are other peanut companies out there but why on earth would you go against Planters?

NUMBER 14. DORITOS
There is nothing like a bag of Doritos! I really have to be in the mood for these things but when I am, nothing else hits the spot like Doritos. A super bowl necessity and always in the nacho cheese flavor, Doritos were made for snacking. Why so low? The after taste of Doritos lasts for over a day and the yellow cheese fingers you get are annoying.

NUMBER 13. PRINGLES CHEEZUMS
Oh Pringles, the anti-chip! It's actually court ordered that the Pringles company can not have the word "chip" on any of their products as they lost the court case against other potato chip companies when they complained that Pringles were not chips but something else. Well the babies got their way and Pringles can't legally call themselves a potato chip HOWEVER, once you pop, you can't stop and for this reason they make my list. Almost all flavors of Pringles potato crisps are amazing but the best flavor in my opinion are the Cheezums.

 NUMBER 12. UTZ PRETZEL RODS
As we know the pretzel comes in a variety of shapes and sizes but it is the rod that gets the nod to be the best, better than the rest, and it's easy, they always please me. Utz makes a great pretzel rod, it's difficult to make a bad one I suppose but Utz have the best if you ask me. I love to bite them in half leaving the salt covered side to eat second.

NUMBER 11. POPCORN
Popcorn, possibly America's first snack food, which the natives called "pop maze." Who doesn't like popcorn? Seriously, who? Sure you get the husk stuck in  your teeth every single time you eat it but it must be worth it or you would have stopped eating it by now! When it comes to watching movies in a movie theater I HAVE to have a tub of popcorn and since movie ticket prices are both absurd and horrifying, nothing makes me feel better than eating buttery, salty popcorn.

NUMBER 10. CRUNCHY CHEETOS
The cheese that goes crunch makes it into the top ten for several reasons. Invented in 1948,  the Crunchy Cheeto is a unique and delicious snack food. Planters made their own version and I must say it was better but Cheetos were the original and I am still enjoying them today. Similar to the puff but more dense, this snack is filling and satisfying. I will say the yellow cheese fingers that Cheetos give you is annoying but worth it.

NUMBER 9. MIDDLESWARTH CHIPS
My Pennsylvania readers know what I'm taking about! The best potato chip brand there is, is only in Pennsylvania so very few people actually get to enjoy this spectacular snack! If you lived there and then moved away the one thing you miss the most is Middleswarth chips. The best chip on earth for dip I might add. Nothing, and I mean NOTHING hits the snack spot when you're craving Middleswarth.

NUMBER 8. RUFFLES CHEDDAR AND SOUR CREAM CHIPS
I literally remember the very first time I ever tasted these. I thought, "what an odd combination, however I am intrigued," and then I ate one and knew that the greatest chip on earth had just been created. It has been duplicated by Lays, and they suck, not Lays but the Lay's version, and well yes Lays suck in general too. Ruffles perfected this chip in the same way a breeder hones perfection in animals through generations of selective breeding. First Ruffles made their ridges and they were amazing. Next they made Sour Cream and Onion potato chips with ridges and those were even better, then years later they added cheese into the mix for an unexpected and pleasant surprise and voila, the greatest chip was born! I simply can not pass these chips up.

NUMBER 7. CHICKEN IN A BISKIT
Chicken flavored crackers??? You're damn right they are. I have been enjoying these for years and not too many people know about them or at least talk about them. Those of you out there that love these curved edge crackers can testify to their greatness. I could eat an entire box in a single sitting and my only complaint is that the box is too small.

NUMBER 6. BETTER CHEDDARS
What is better than Better Cheddars? Apparently nothing because they put the word better right in the name of the product! A flat round yellow cracker that suggests they took cheddar cheese and made it better, comes in at number 6 on my list because I have loved these for as long as I can remember. Again, the box is too small and I can finish off an entire box in one sitting, the only reason why I don't is because I want to enjoy them longer, so I save some. Keep in mind they are called, "better" and not, "best" because there are still 5 more snacks to go!

NUMBER 5. HANDI-SNACKS
What kind of sick twisted disgusting excuse for a mother wouldn't put a Handi-Snack into their kid's lunch box in the 80's and 90's??? I assure you I have no clue because my mother was a saint and used to put these in all of my lunches. They were also the prefect after school snack. A great idea of adding a spreadable cheese to a cracker in individual packs made the Hand-Snack great for any snacking situation. No one I ask remembers this but I swear for a short time they came out with a bacon cheese flavor and I liked it even more than the original but I seem to be alone with this memory. When Nabisco was bought in the late 90's I was afraid it spelled the end of the Handi-Snack era but luckily kids can still enjoy them today under the Kraft brand.

NUMBER 4. WISE CHEEZ DOODLES
There are other cheese puffs and curls out there but for me there is one brand that stands above the rest, Wise. These curls are so good and they really hard to put down once you start snacking. Although you do get yellow cheesy hands, for some strange reason it isn't half as bad as the Cheetos brand puffs. Not sure what they do to them differently but the taste is unmistakable. There isn't much I'd take before Wise Cheez Doodles. 

NUMBER 3. CHEEZ-IT
Cheez-It, not to be confused with Cheese Nips, is something that I eat all the time. Perfectly baked little cheese crackers keep me coming back for more and with a big packed box it's easy to keep snacking! Cheez-Its come in a bunch of different flavors and even in a Big version that makes the Cheez-It about 4 times as big as the original. Cheez-Its are great and I love them but they aren't my first choice.

NUMBER 2. GOLDFISH CRACKERS
Goldfish, the snack that smiles back, goldfish. How great are these little guys? So simple and yet so wonderful. Children have been enjoying these crackers for years. Originally made to be a soup cracker, the Goldfish quickly became a stand alone snack. There are several versions of the Goldfish including a pretzel version, all are good but for me the cheddar ones can not be surpassed. I usually get that big box because the little bag is never enough. I will say the colored ones taste terrible but no one else seems to be able to taste a difference. The Goldfish might be the greatest snack of all time if it wasn't for my number one..................

NUMBER 1. PLANTERS CHEEZ BALLS
A moment of silence please. Planters discontinued Cheez Balls in 2006 to my disgust and every now and again, I'll just think of this perfect snack and want to cry. Not only were Cheez Balls my all time favorite snack food, they were my second overall favorite food of all time. That's tough, waking up in the morning knowing you'll never be able to taste your second favorite food. Although there are other companies making Cheese Balls, none compare to the taste of Planters. I'm not alone either, there are petitions online that you can sign to get Cheez Balls back. I'll never forget the round blue can with a yellow lid and a big smiling Mr. Peanut on it and I'll never forget that wonderful taste because my once FAVORITE snack is just a distant memory. It doesn't matter, I'd still pick this extinct snack over anything on the market today.

Well there you have it, my top 15 favorite snack foods of all time, did yours make the list? Some of you may say that my number one didn't count since it no longer exists but there was never a better snack made and that's my two cents.


SNACK STATS!
10 out of 15 snacks contain cheese
11 out of 15 snacks were formed into specific shapes
7 out of 15 snacks had the word cheese in their title 
5 out of 15 snacks were crackers
5 out of 15 snacks were made from corn 
4 out of 15 snacks misspelled the word cheese
3 out of 15 snacks were made from potato
2 out of 15 snacks are Planters brand
1 out of 15 snacks were made from pretzel 
1 out of 15 snacks were legumes 
0% of these snacks were sweet 
100% of these snacks contained salt

5 Gifts NOT to get your MAN this Valentine's Day!

Valentine's Day is here again and you know what that means! Your man will be spending much more on you than you will be on him. (If you have a decent man that is.)

Don't be cheap this Valentine's Day and don't pay too much, ESPECIALLY, if he won't even like what you get him. Here are a few gift ideas that you should stay away from when shopping for your guy. UNLESS you know him very well and he has asked for these items, then by all means, proceed. Rule number one is know your man, that will make shopping for him ten times easier and if he asks for something, well then you're all set but for those of you out there still wondering, here is a short list of bad choices.

This list is compiled of gifts I actually received at one point or another and have been disappointed in....look a gift horse in the mouth did I? I was actually more upset that someone spent their money on me in vain.

1. A NEW WATCH
Please understand ladies, a man's watch is a big deal to him. He wears it every day, he looks at it a 100 times a day, he feels it on his skin the entire time he is wearing it. A watch can tell you a lot about a man. Something this important can't be selected for him. He has to make this choice. There are so many watches out there, styles, colors, materials, digital or with hands, leather or metal, square or round, the list goes on. Each watch is unique to man's preference and if you get him something he doesn't love, then he is forced to wear it for a long and annoying time, and every single time he checks the time, he will be reminded of it. Let him get this for himself. If he tells you exactly which watch to get him, then go ahead, otherwise, stay far away from this idea.

2. A NEW WALLET
Basically for the exact same reasons stated above, the wallet is a man's ultimate last line of defense when it comes to money protection. That's a big job! Again, there are so many styles and choices that one simply does not walk into Macy's and walk out with a new wallet for their man. Let him make this choice. If your guy tells you a wallet is no big deal and it doesn't matter what he uses to hold his money, credit cards, PICTURES OF YOU, gift cards, driver's license, and other highly valuable items, then he is unimaginative and lacks creativity.

3. NEW COLOGNE
Let me be perfectly clear here, every guy has his own personal scent. Mine is made up of citrus fire Axe shampoo, Brute deodorant, Irish Spring body wash, and Calvin Klein Eternity for men. All put together this makes the smell that makes me, me. You can't get a guy a brand new cologne just because YOU like the smell of it. That's not fair to do and isn't that really more of a gift for you??? Unfortunately you may not like your guy's personal cologne. That's just too bad. Forcing him to wear something that you bought because you like it more is rude. Besides, he will wear it because it's from you and he knows how much you like it even if he hates it. If you want to get him the scent he really likes and wears on a daily basis then you have found yourself a good Valentine's Day present.

4. GIFT CARDS
Nothing says, "I had no F-ing clue" like a gift card! I don't care if it IS to his favorite place, a gift card just isn't romantic in any way. If you get him a gift card to his favorite restaurant he is just going to take you and so once again, you're benefiting from his gift. If he goes and buys a game with it, you'll always point out how that is the video game YOU got him for Valentine's Day, even though he drove to the store, he picked it out, he used the gift card to buy it, he drove home, and he plays with it. "But Andrew, he will end up getting something he likes if I get him a gift card!" True, he will, but you can get him the same thing and cut out the middle man can't you? Again, rule number one is to know your man. A gift card is proof you only know him on a basic level. How would you feel if you got one?

5. SEX
If you do this for free any other time it shouldn't count as your gift.


Keep in mind whatever you get him he will act like he really likes it (again, if he is a decent man he will) but why not get him something he really wants? It's your money right? It's your time and effort right? How bout just asking him what he wants if you don't know? Get him something he will like. Sure, you may give him anything I've listed above and he may LOVE it but I wouldn't take that chance. After all what would I know? I'm just a guy, but that's my two cents.

DO YOU REMEMBER SATURDAY MORNING CARTOONS?

From days of long ago............

From uncharted regions of TV channels......comes a legend, the legend of Saturday morning cartoons!

For those of you not old enough to know, cartoons were something that you couldn't just watch any time you wanted. Especially before streaming media came along like Youtube, Netflix, Hulu, and such, and even before cartoon network and nicktoons tv, cartoons were rare and could only be seen at certain times of the week. Saturday mornings were the prime time to see brand new cartoons, some of which could ONLY be seen on Saturday mornings.

Keep in mind that Television was set up differently 30 years ago. Nickelodeon was in its infancy and believe it or not, they had none of their own cartoons and very few other cartoons. Cartoon network didn't exist yet so you couldn't just watch cartoons all day. Even after school, cartoons were hard to find. Disney Channel used to have day time cartoons but the big problem here was that the Disney Channel was a pay channel, just like HBO and Cinnemax. If you wanted it, first you had to have cable, THEN you had to order and pay extra just to have it, something not everybody did. Cable was its own thing and not everybody had that. Satellite dishes were all alone and they didn't have companies like Directv or DISH. So where were all the cartoons?

Saturday mornings! If you had cable or not, everyone still got NBC, CBS, and ABC. As for Fox, it wasn't around either but later I'll explain how Fox used cartoons to pol-volt into a major network. For a kid there was nothing better than waking up on your day off from school and watching TV all morning with shows JUST FOR YOU! Kids weren't catered to as much as they are now, like I said before, we didn't even have a network that was just cartoons for us to watch.  Each channel had its own lineup and they all competed for children viewers. ABC is owned by Disney (not sure if you know that) but they had a lot of Disney cartoons that you couldn't find anywhere else.

At the end of each network cartoon morning came a finale show that really just topped off the end of the morning and helped to transition into a slightly older viewing audience. Saved By the Bell was one of these, Pee Wee's Playhouse was another. These live action shows were geared towards kids but they came at the end of a long line up of cartoons.

Decisions, Decisions, Decisions.....
With NBC, ABC, and CBS all fighting  for ratings a kid has a really tough choice on what to watch. ABC had the upper hand in the Disney shows but that didn't mean NBC and CBS were fighting for second and third place, no, on the contrary, each kid has his or her own preference and in some households you didn't miss a certain show. I would guess that in most houses, like ours, you flipped back and forth to what you liked the best in that time slot, giving you 3 choices. (before FOX)

I'll now take you through a typical Saturday morning in the 1986-1987 season as I chose what to watch. First show of the day was Wuzzles on ABC, a Disney cartoon that was created to help push their stuffed animals, the Wuzzles, although short lived, was a must watch considering the alternatives. Next you had a choice, would it be The Gummi Bears or the Care Bears? Surprisingly the Gummi Bears were on NBC even though it was a Disney cartoon. Disney had two bear cartoon shows on at the same time but on different channels.....genius for marketing, HOWEVER a bad move for ratings because clearly Gummi Bears was a must watch, leaving ABC to pick up the scraps of younger viewers with their Care Bear show. (A year later "Care Bears" was exclusively shown on The Disney Channel, making it inaccessible for us nonpaying customers.)

Next, at 9:00 am things got tough. You really had to put thought into the next one. Smurfs on NBC, Muppet Babies on CBS, and Flintstone Kids on ABC.....shit just got real. I watched all 3 but our house was a Smurf house and you didn't miss the Smurfs in our house. However the Smurfs had an hour and a half block so you could watch the Muppet Babies and when it was over switch back to the Smurfs. None of that mattered because at 10 on ABC came the Ghostbusters and I always wanted to see that. After that you had a toss up between Pound Puppies and Punky Brewster.

By 11:00 am TV was starting to get old and you could really sense an end to your morning cartoon day. This is when Pee Wee's playhouse came on CBS and it was something you didn't want to miss, unless Alvin and the Chipmunks was good. Either way Bugs Bunny and Tweety was just one thing I never cared to watch and although this is a complete guess, it must have been swallowed up in the ratings for that time period.

At 11:30 am I was usually tapping out but CBS did have a cool show they put on here, it was called CBS Story Break, and if I was still watching TV at this time I knew it was the end of my day. It was a cool cartoon show that had a new and different story each week. Like most of these Saturday morning shows, the opening title sequence and theme song was the best and the only part worth watching. Of course this was in 1986-1987, in 1988 CBS Story Break came on at 12:30 and it stayed there for years and remained my clear signal that the cartoon day was over.

In 1988 at 10:30 CBS introduced us to Garfield and Friends, a new favorite and one we never missed. The only thing it was up against was the cartoon Alf, and we all knew that show was a sick joke compared to the true real-life Alf that we all knew and loved. We also got "Hey Vern, It's Ernest!" Which came on at a 11, being a live-action show that signaled the end was near to our cartoon day. My older sister and I were big fans of Ernest and we always enjoyed this one.

In 1989 NBC put Saved By the Bell on at 11:30 and there was NO other choice. One simply did not turn on the TV at 11:30 am and miss Saved By the Bell. Unlike most of the other "end of the dayers" kids actually looked forward to this one. But now we were on the doorstep of the 90's and an end of an era was in sight, although none of us could see it.

By this time adults started to get wise to what kids liked on TV. In 1990 Nickelodeon had exploded in popularity and dubbed themselves, THE FIST NETWORK FOR KIDS. What do kids like? Cartoons, and why wait for Saturday mornings when they could be putting stuff on during the day, after school, AND on weekends? Besides that, there was a new channel in town. FOX.

Fox was a brand new station and needed to play catch up, but instead they decided to turn things upside down by gaining an audience no one else really cared about until now, kids! Fox put cartoons on all morning and right after school, this had our attention and honestly they did have some pretty good shows. So when it came to Saturday mornings, they were already right in the thick of things! And although NBC, CBS, and ABC had far superior cartoon shows, "Bobby's World," a FOX original, was watched frequently in our home.

Although at this point in my life Saturday morning cartoons were seeming less important and other things had my attention, there were some pretty awesome shows that appeared during these years. Some notable ones were "Hammerman," that was M.C. Hammer's superhero cartoon show, "Wish Kid," that was Macaulay Culklin's cartoon show, "Where's Waldo," a cartoon made from the idea of the popular books, and "Back to the Future," a cartoon version of the movies. This was also when you could see NEW episodes of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

The Saturday line up desperately tried to keep viewers interested but with so many more options during weekdays, the excitement just wasn't there. I would watch the Ninja Turtles 5 days a week after school, why would I want to watch it again on Saturday morning? It's like being forced to finish your ice cream before you can have some cake. Perhaps I was just getting older and cartoons weren't as appealing to me anymore? I think more accurately the face of TV was changing.

 Kids got their cartoon fixes everyday after school and whenever they wanted from Nickelodeon, who, by the way, was starting to make their own brand of cartoons called, "Nicktoons," in 1991. These cartoons were shown at night in prime time instead of Saturday mornings. Then in 1992 the dagger was sunk deep into the heart of Saturday morning cartoons when the Cartoon Network was launched. 24 hours a day of nothing but cartoons made Saturday mornings seem so unimportant and nothing special, and honestly at this point, that was true.

Cartoon Network also was the beginning of the end for the USA Cartoon Express, an idea of putting a block of cartoons on in the early evening. This had always been the odd man out with its strange time slot and bad cartoons but the once odd man out was now becoming the norm and early evening cartoons were being shown on many stations. USA was a cable network so it didn't really have an impact on the early 80's TV audiences. USA lost most of it's Hanna-barbara cartoons when Turner bought them, taking them away from USA and straight to the Cartoon Network.

It was the beginning of the end. In 10 short years there would be a channel souly for Nicktoons, the cartoons made my Nickelodeon and the demise of Saturday morning cartoons would be a distant memory that no one remembered. No longer do kids anticipate Saturdays like they once did. No longer will kids know the excitement of getting to see brand new shows ONCE a week. Saturday morning cartoons will go down in my generation's memories as a thing of the past that was made extinct by technology and changing times. We will always look back fondly on these mornings.

I for one can still remember lying on the living room floor watching the claymation beginning to Pee Wee's Playhouse, enjoying every second of the opening theme song and hearing my dad yell at me to turn off that crap.

Kids today are totally missing out on an event they'll never have the privilege of knowing, but that's just my two cents.

Resturant Review: Cacharel, Arlington Texas

I am going to review the fine dining venue, Cacharel in Arlington Texas.

I was looking for somewhere fancy and classy, the place I was hoping the Reunion Tower would have been. (Read my review of the Reunion Tower to get the whole story on that DUMP.) I haven't been able to find the place of my sophisticated and classy dreams....UNTIL NOW!

Trust me when I say Cacharel IS the place you're looking for if you want a fine dining experience, and I carefully and purposely use the word experience, because that is EXACTLY what you'll get when you dine there, and I use the word DINE because that is EXACTLY what you'll be doing there, not eating, not hanging out, but dining. This place is the romantic, old world restaurant that is perfect for an elegant night on the town or special occasion.

When you first arrive at Cacharel you will notice it is on the 9th floor of a 9 story building. This makes the view the best in all of Arlington. Not nearly as high as the Reunion Tower, HOWEVER, the view actually was ten times better for ten reasons. The second you step off the elevator you realize very quickly that this place is going to be fancy. When I walked in they addressed ME, not the other way around. They called me by my name, (i had made a reservation before hand), I didn't have to say who I was and that I had reservations there, I was COMPLETELY IMPRESSED at this point and this was the first minute. They told us we had to wait just a few minutes, which surprised me because I could see many empty seats plus I had made reservations. We waited in a very high class area with leather sofas and fine art on the walls. We were told we had to wait because they were getting a very special table ready for us, ok, I forgave them for this wait, IF it were true. It was true. Our table was a table set for two in a corner with two big windows, very cozy, romantic, and secluded enough to be personal but open enough to still feel part of the restaurant, in a word.....perfect. The view was wonderful as well, you could see all of Arlington lit up at night and Dallas in the distance. Right away we knew what kind of a night we were in for, and it was the first 5 minutes.

The atmosphere was exquisite, that's right, I said exquisite and for the first time in my life I get to use that word to describe something. The lighting was low not just to create an ambiance, but so you could see out of all of the windows without an annoying glare, UNLIKE the Reunion Tower. There was classical music playing, should you expect anything less??? No, you shouldn't. The tables had elegant table cloths and EVERYONE sitting at them was dressed up, not a single pair of jeans in the entire place. At this point our waiter approached us with the menus.

Here is the difference between real waiters and the ones we are all used to. This waiter was a true waiter, he didn't bring us water, he didn't bring us the bread, he knew what he was doing and he did it well. He was overqualified to do his job and THAT'S who you want waiting on you. Oh he knew his stuff and his timing was perfect, there was NO waiting, NO rushing, NO wondering where he was or what he was doing. He explained the menu and the food, after we ordered the wine, which he got RIGHT when he brought it to us, we looked over the menu and the others brought us bread and filled our water glasses. We were being waited on hand and foot the way you would expect, UNLIKE the Reunion Tower.

The menu was amazing in itself. It is changed DAILY and seasonally. The date was printed right on the page which proves that it is changed daily. Everything on it sounded so good and they had classics like lobster and steaks, but I went with the pork chop. This was no ordinary pork chop, it was a huge, so thick and cooked so perfectly I was confused at how they did it. There was a sauteed mushroom sauce and it was all on top of mashed potatoes. It was by far the best pork chop I've ever had in my life. When I first bit into it I was shocked because I thought it was raw in the middle, but after a few chews I realized that it wasn't raw, it was cooked perfectly and was sooooooo juicy I had first thought it was raw. Yes the three course meal was expensive but I have never had a Caesar salad made like that before, everything was hand made from scratch, not a single boxed prepackaged frozen food item in the whole kitchen. And it showed.

All in all I give the Cacharel an A+ for the view, atmosphere, ambiance, and class. I give it another A+ for the food, arguably the most important part of any restaurant. I give it an A+ for our waiter, Captain Chris and for the service. I give it an A+ for location, it was only 15 minutes from home and being on the top floor of a tall building gave it that little something extra special. For the Cacharel as a fine dining experience I give it my best score ever, an A+++. If you want a romantic, classy, refined, cultured, special night with excellent food, service, and atmosphere, then there is ONLY one place that can give you all this and more. Cacharel. Do yourself a favor and make a reservation tonight, as for me I'll be getting ready to make one for Valentines Day because there is no where better for a romantic evening, but that's just my two cents.

Restaurant review: REUNION TOWER, DALLAS TEXAS

One of the most recognizable and famous buildings in all of Dallas is the Reunion Tower, located in downtown Dallas. It actually is a revolving restaurant, the kind you see in tv and movies and think, are those things real? Well, yes, yes they are. This giant ball spins and you can see all of Dallas lit up at night while you dine on expensive food! The perfect spot for a fancy, romantic, memorable evening, right? WRONG. This place SUCKS and I'm going to share exactly why I think so.

As you might expect, a restaurant that rotates so you get a 360 degree view of a beautiful city would have a very high class expensive menu, and Reunion Tower is no exception. Shouldn't the food be wonderful for the price of it? You would think so but not here. I may be getting ahead of myself, let me start from the beginning.

I had reservations, as you know a classy restaurant takes reservations and it's part of the fun and experience. At the door, and by door I mean the bottom of the tower, we were stopped by a guard asking if we did in fact have reservations because if not, we could not start our ascent. This part was actually cool and I was able to say, why yes, yes I do have reservations! He just got done stopping a family from trying to go up to the top so right away I was pleased. Unfortunately this is where the good things ended for the evening.

Once you arrive at the top of the tower and get off the elevator I was surprised that my first reaction was to how loud the place was. It sounded like a sports bar or the inside of a restaurant kitchen, this surprised me because I was expecting a romantic quiet enchanting evening, not a club scene. Excuse me for being a romantic but nothing says NO romance like a sports bar. It was at this point when I spotted my first, (but not my last) person wearing jeans, which was a strict rule in their dress code, NO JEANS ALLOWED. Well, there were a ton of jeans up there and quite honestly, that pissed me off. Have some class. OR go to a sports bar where they love jeans and eat wings, I wanted a fancy classy romantic dinner and jeans have no place in that kind of setting.

The place was packed, not just with people, but tables and the entire area was very cramped and small, this also surprised me, I'm not sure why I expected more room but in my mind I did. I think the reason was simple, more people, more money, so let's cram as many people as we can get in at one time to make the most money off of them. Well that sucks for being romantic when people are very close to you and it's very loud because there are so many people. There is an actual bar area and people were standing there drinking and watching baseball on some big tv's. Again, this surprised me because I didn't expect a bar scene up there.

 We were led to our "table" I use the term loosely because it was the size of a chess board. Not only was it small but I kid you not, it wasn't even near a window......................right................not near a window............in a rotating tower made for the view, the table was not next to the window................seriously..............honestly, not near a freaking window people! First of all, what the hell??? Why would there be tables not next to a window in that place? I was actually kind of furious at this point because the mini table was facing a WALL, but don't worry folks, it was a glass wall so I did get a great view of the people eating in front of me! When I wanted to see the view I had to look beside me and right over the next table, (that one was right up against the window) and the poor people just had to deal with me looking right over their over priced dinner. Even had I been placed at a window table the view wasn't that great because there were so many lights inside that it caused major glare so I saw some of the city with myself looking back at me for most of the night. Now at this point I said to myself, wait just a damn minute.....I had a reservation and THIS is the table I get??? Please excuse my vulgarity but the Reunion Tower gets a big FUCK YOU for that one.

Now in comes the worst part of the night, the waiter, Vince. The biggest dickhead asshole waiter I have EVER had at any place including fast food places. He started out by bringing us the wrong wine, thanks Vince, you horse's ass, I'm sure he didn't care, after all wine is so cheap and all, why not pay for the wrong kinda. Next he brought us the menu, wait until you hear about this! We will come back to Vince as there is much more to say about this spineless prick later.

The menu attempted to be upscale and fancy and as we know rich people eat the worst tasting food. The menu wanted to be Asian cuisine as many of their specialties were Asian sounding but in the end it just all sucked. We both ordered the overpriced salmon. No where did it mention this dish being a spicy one, I know that for sure because I especially avoided spicy food as I can't stand it and it causes acid reflux in me. They brought out a complimentary tiny plate of asparagus covered in God knows what and it really sucked and made us honestly question if it was just left overs from some other guest's plate. The 40 dollar salmon came and it was about 4-5 inches long. 40 dollars......for that, I know. EACH, not for both, each tiny salmon dinners were 40 bucks but hey they came with a bowl of white rice, the most elegant of all rices I suppose??? Uncle Ben's rice to be exact, that is if I had to guess, it was that quality. I take one bite and I have to reach for the water as I start to gag with the amount of hot spice in my mouth. This salmon was COVERED in that stupid Japanese hot sauce shit, what's it called? Wasabe? I was pissed but thought the next bite would be better.....nope. I said, there is no way I can eat this, it's far too spicy for me. Not the waiter's fault, but for my taste it is just too spicy. Now, when I pay 40 dollars for a bite sized piece of salmon and it sucks ass, I expect to get treated like a king with apologies and offers of something else or the meal being free. Note, I would not have taken any of these offers but I did EXPECT them to be made. NOT A SINGLE FUCKING WORD FROM VICE THE FUCK FACE.

After a long time I hadn't had more than one bite, this was clearly obvious. I know what you're saying, why didn't you tell the waiter? Why didn't he ask when he came to check on us? Good questions you guys! Number one, Vice the dick NEVER CAME TO CHECK ON US ONE TIME. And two, at the end of the night if the person didn't eat their dinner at all, they shouldn't have to say anything to anyone about it, it should have been asked to them by the waiter because it's their job and it's the restaurant's job to please the customer. Now I'm starting to get mad because this isn't Denny's for crying out loud, it's the nicest place in Dallas!!! Where is the service??? Let me tell you where Vince was, after all I had a perfect view of this cockbag through my invisible wall.

Vince is walking around and I see him through my glass wall and I see him spot my plate of uneaten food and me sitting there looking pissed. He then ROLLS HIS EYES, stops in his tracks and turns around and walks the other way. I can only assume he has had this happen to him before because I just believe the food at Reunion Tower sucks. I see him talk to a fellow waiter and he actually POINTS AT ME, again, I know this because of my clear wall, and I see that guy look over. Soon it's time to clear the table, so now I know Vince will have to confront me and IF I was going to be nice, that went out the window. Low and behold, Vince himself does NOT come to clear the table, the other waiter he was talking to does, and this guy doesn't say one word about the uneaten food, he just takes the plate and leaves. I was like, WOW, really??? What a pussy Vince is but surely he has to return with the check right???

I'm waiting for Vince and then he walks by and just slaps down the check without me even seeing him because he did it behind my back!!! I was like, WHAT THE....WHERE DID THAT COME FROM....I paid for both dinners because that is how I am. They weren't worth 40 bucks each and the service wasn't worth a cent but I paid and placed the check right in front of me on the other side so he would have to take it in front of me. Vince quickly walked by and grabbed the check off the table without saying one word and without stopping, he just walked by and grabbed the bill in one smooth motion. What a dick head. Vice I hope you read this some day, you're a jerk.

 For those of you wondering I did give Vince a tip, the standard 15% on our bill. Overall the entire dinner bill was over 100 bucks. I spent 100 bucks to eat white rice. Not worth it in any way. The only cool thing of the night was a guy proposed to his girlfriend right in front of us, I mean I saw it because of my clear wall but that was pretty neat. Other than that, I think this place sucks but that is just my two cents......and 100 dollars.

Extra about Vince. Vince you're a jerk.....you're a jerk. Here I am, trying to have a nice romantic dinner, and you're a shitty waiter that isn't fit to work at Burger King. You're a jerk. Enjoy that big tip you prick, I hope you went home and said, Geez that was a nice classy guy because I didn't deserve any tip, let alone the full tip for a dinner that expensive. He didn't do his job, and what little of his job that he did try to do, he messed up. Without Vine the place still sucked but he just was the icing on the cake. A tip, I should have broken the tip of my shoe off in his ass.

Maybe I sound entitled, maybe I should uppity and rude for wanting to be treated like royalty but the truth is I don't act like that unless the situation allows for it. A place like that should treat you like a king because it's part of the experience, this isn't a sports bar or your local dive. If a place has a dress code and charges you triple digit prices....you should get treated like the most special guest they've ever had, every time you go, by any waiter, on any night, for any reason, period. Reunion Tower did none of these and in fact, did the opposite. I would return someday hoping that this night had only been a fluke, but I don't have high expectations, as I did the first time.

In the end, The Reunion Tower wrote a check their reputation couldn't cash.

BUGS I DON'T KILL

There are some bugs I just refuse to kill. Most of these insects or arachnids have earned my respect and the right to live! Some of them are helpful or useful to mankind and therefore earned a free life pass from me. Others are just plain cool and I wouldn't kill them for that one reason. Honestly I have killed many of these bugs on my list, another reason why I have stopped the killing.

The Lady Bug. 

Look how cute this thing is, who wouldn't like a lady bug crawling around? With their unmistakeable red with black spots, the Lady Bug is a child favorite.
They aren't scary or harmful in anyway and they say they bring good luck. I remember once in college one landed on my pencil and crawled around my hands all class. I then got an A on the test and was it due to the luck of the lady bug?? I sure didn't study so you make your own conclusion! Either way, I won't kill lady bugs.

The Daddy Long Legs. 

Fitting name for such a long legged bug. There is no reason to kill a Daddy Long Legs is there? I can't see any harm to these gentle killers. Did you know that the Daddy Long Legs is the most poisonous of all spiders??? Their venom could easily take down a full grown human and still have enough kill power to do more damage, HOWEVER due to its tiny mouth, the Daddy Long Legs can't bite us, and so we remain safe! Once when I was 4 I remember my dad telling me if you kill a Daddy Long Legs it will make it rain. I didn't believe that cock and bull story and promptly stepped on one, later that day, it rained. It was years before I realized that was just a coincidence.....or was it??? Yes it was, but I still won't kill them.

The Honey Bee. 

Who likes honey? Not a diabetic? Well.....other than that, we all do! And we have the Honey Bee to thank for that sweet secretion that makes our tea ten times better! "But Andrew they sting people so I hate them." Oh ya? Well they die the instant they sting people so it's a fair trade off don't you think?? Besides, Honey Bees only sting if they are threatened and most stings come from misunderstanding, like stepping on a bee or when a bee hive falls on someones head. Honey Bees also spread pollen and without that we wouldn't have fruits for most vegetables, so think about THAT next time you're enjoying some water mellon or carving up a jack-o-lantern, that was a bee's doing. Honey Bees are the only insect that dances as a way of communicating and how can you not be impressed by that?
If you don't mess with them, they won't mess with you and because of that, I won't kill them.

The Praying Mantis. 

Coolest bug on earth??? Find me a better one. How cool are these guys? They are just awesome, they look like aliens and monsters and robots all rolled into one. Also just the word "mantis" sounds awesome. I had one in my apartment once in college. I caught him and put him on the house plant to live, and once I helped him catch a horse fly. They are so unique looking, even for an insect. Here's a crazy fact for you, in this state they are protected and killing one is illegal! So I guess my no kill policy is trumped no matter what, but then again think about it, what other bug does the state have people step forward and say, "don't kill this." I have never killed a praying mantis and I never will.

Spiders.

I know it sounds crazy that a guy doesn't skill spiders, trust me, I'm asked all the time to kill them. But I really like them and I see absolutely no reason to do so. They say if there were no spiders we would be over run with gnats and flies. Well I hate both of those stupid bugs so I say, more spiders! I'm also not afraid of them, owning a tarantula named Webster. It's annoying when people say, "I hate spiders." No, you're afraid of them, big difference, what you hate is your own pathetic child-like fear. Sure there are spiders that can and do kill people but dogs kill people too and you never hear someone calling for their husband to come and step on a chihuahua. I sure don't want to be bit by a spider, many have venom that could kill you, but so many more don't. My tarantula is a very shy, timid, gentle creature and people would know that if they just took the time to get to them. Spider webs can be some of the most beautiful things in nature and its amazing how they make and use them. Like them or not, spiders do a lot for us and for that reason, I'll do them a favor and not kill them. This picture is of a pink toe tarantula, just like mine!

Wooly Caterpillars. 

Also known as wooly bears, these moth caterpillars supposedly tell the weather. Not too many bugs can tell the future but there are people that swear by this belief. I don't think it's true myself, but they were a childhood favorite of mine, always easily caught and shy, they would roll up in your hand, unrolling themselves later to walk across your fingers. They were soft and fuzzy and very recognizable in their red and fastidious black. I have always liked these guys and in the early fall time when they are crossing the road I intentionally try to miss them and will swerve out of the way. Think that's going too far? There is a place that holds a wooly bear festival every fall to celebrate these little guys.....that may be going too far. I see no reason to kill them. 

Lightning Bugs. 

Or fire flies, have butts that light up, how cool is that? As a child I used to spend many summer nights murdering these bugs for no reason, as many kids did. I also caught them in jars. Our back yard always had lightening bugs flying around during the summer nights. Now that I'm older I have come to appreciate the skill that must come with lighting up an entire part of your body. It's very impressive. Did you know that the glow worm is the larvae of the lightning bug? They are harmless but I've killed so many in my lifetime that now, I won't kill a single one. What would summer be for a child without lightning bugs? 

Butterflies. 

First known as "flutter bys," which makes a million times for sense, are on the list of bugs I won't kill. Give me one good reason why anyone should kill a butterfly? There are none. They are peaceful, graceful, delicate, flower suckers and really neat to watch if you ever get the chance. They also do some pretty amazing things, such as migrating 1,000's of miles. I remember my dad hit a butterfly with his car's radio antennae on the way to Pittsburgh, this butterfly was wrapped around the antennae for 2 hours and when we stopped in Pittsburgh, it actually got off and flew away. The butterfly has definitely earned a spot in my no kill zone. And I ask you, what would old women get tattoos of if we had no butterflies?? 

Well there you have it, the list of bugs and the reasons why I just don't kill them. Every once in a while I'll add another bug to the list but as for now, the rest will get smashed and squashed and killed without the slightest hesitation. What bugs are on that list? Ants, wasps, moths, gypsy moths, gnats, and mosquitos just to name a few. 

HOW DID RICHIE RICH DIE AND BECOME CASPER???

So when you look at Richie Rich and Casper side by side it's pretty obvious that Casper is in fact, the ghost of Richie Rich. 

So the question now is....how did he die??? Richie Rich was known as the richest boy in the world and Casper was known as the friendly ghost (a rip off of another friendly ghost but that's another blog) but what caused Richie Rich's death? An accident, a rare childhood disease, suicide, murder??? The mystery has been surrounded by secrets for years UNTIL NOW when I shall uncover the mysterious death of beloved Richie. 

There are few clues out there about the death of Richie Rich for me to find when I searched HOWEVER you'd be shocked and horrified at what I could come up with when I had to. Here are a few nightmare scenarios for you to think about. Each one a very probably cause of death for our poor richest kid in America. 

Scenario 1. SUICIDE

Was it possible that Richie Rich was so depressed that he would take his OWN LIFE? This reporter thinks so. I know, I know, if you had all the money in the world wouldn't you be so happy that killing yourself would NEVER enter your mind? Maybe, but consider the fact that if you have everything, what do you have to look forward to or live for? Richie may have been so lonely and bored with all of his things that he started to glamorize death. This picture proves that the only joy Richie got out of life was reading morbid literature and fantasizing about death and the after life. Note the amount of money Richie had, so much he just SAT on it like a freakin chair because he had so much of it he didn't know what else to do. Yes, killing himself would make a lot of sense, BUT there is more than one way to kill a child. 

                                                 

Scenario 2.  FATAL ROBOT ACCIDENT.

Richie Rich was so rich (how rich was he!?) He was so rich that he actually had robotic engineering decades before it became public practice to get dressed by a robot. Surely the robotics of the previous century weren't as good as they are today. Perhaps one day there was a terrible accident and the robotic hands that once dressed this little boy tore him limb from limb or at the very least, strangled him to death. We see here in this file photo that the tie is getting tied awfully tight around his plump little neck. Yet, there are many ways to die accidentally and when you live the life of a super billionaire, you're bound to be involved in some risk taking behaviors. 

Scenario 3.  SHARK ATTACK. 

A favorite past time of any rich person is taking costly vacations to tropical destinations, PERHAPS one such vacation turned out to be VERY costly for Richie Rich indeed! Richie Rich always had dumb ideas and indulged in them. Being dragged along in the middle of the ocean by a cruise ship can only be classified as a bad idea, but Richie wouldn't see it this way. I can only assume that the bright gold color of his dingy produced massive amounts of sharks and Richie Rich ended up being shark bait. I saw Jaws, it doesn't take much to get eaten by a shark. 

Scenario 4. FREEZES TO DEATH IN ALASKA. 

Keeping up with the expensive vacation idea, Richie Rich frequents Alaska as one of his favorite hot spots, which in fact turns out is not hot at all but in reality, pretty damn cold. Richie Rich, being a diva must tan on the hour every hour, even in sub zero temperatures. Despite all the warnings from his eskimo tour guide, he attempts to soak up some rays from the midnight sun, and in a matter of seconds, freezes to death. On the verge of death himself, the eskimo tour guide has no choice but to feed Richie's frozen carcass to his sled dog team in order to survive. (There was no scientific evidence to suggest this last part of the scenario but you have to admit it sounds pretty likely.) 

Scenario 5. SEXUALLY TRANSMITTED DISEASE 

Richie certainly would have had many young girls after him. Knowing he could never find anyone that truly loves him for who he is and NOT just for his money, he becomes a man-whore. Richie sleeps with every girl he meets and many high-class hookers. Eventually this lifestyle catches up with him and he gets a case of full blown aids. All the money can't save him from this disease and Richie ends up dying a slow painful death. Keep in mind Richie lived over 60 years ago although his Casper ghost still roams the earth to this day some say, back then they didn't have the same kind of medicine that we do now. 

Scenario 6. STRANDED ON A DESERT ISLAND 

We now have evidence that support reasons to believe Richie Rich's ship went down off the coast of Costa Rica. With very little survival skills, hell he can't even dress himself without a robot, Richie and his family would have lasted for mere days before thirst and hunger drove them to insanity, far too weak to even act on their crazy urges, Richie Rich and his family would have perished on the beach. And their bones will bleach in the sun. 

Scenario 7.  MURDER 

By the butler, in the kitchen, with the poison sandwich! How would you like to be a slave to the world's biggest spoiled brat? Ask Cadbury, Richie's faithful servant and personal bitch. After years of watching Richie blow his money on stupid things after being paid peanuts by cheap parents, Cadbury decided he couldn't take anymore of it. He was sick and tired of the monetary puns that Richie would use on a daily basis and one day he snapped! So trusted was the butler that he easily slipped rat poison into Richie's daily "sandrich" and watched as he ate his own doom. Most people would kill for the money but Cadbury did it for the cheap thrill of it, (excuse the Richie-esque pun there.) He also got away with it!   

       

                                                                                              

Scenario 8. DRUG OVERDOSE 

Many famous people die of drug overdoses. Could Richie Rich be in this category?? Fact number one, Richie Rich had a thing for the ladies and would get them at any cost (not a pun that time.) Fact number two, for a kid that rich steroids and human growth hormones would have been readily available. Fact number three, Richie clearly had an addictive personality. Fact number four, Richie's favorite thing was showing off, and what better way to show off to prepubescent girls than having huge muscles before any other boy his age? Just look at the chest on this kid, genetics can only do so much for you, this is a body of someone that has been juicing. Richie could have easily become obsessed with using steroids and ended up overdosing on them. 

                                                                             

Scenario 9. HUSTLED THE WRONG GUY 

Richie could do anything he wanted right? Let's just say he stayed home playing on his pool table all day while his friends were in school. He would actually get pretty good. So let's say for the sake of argument that Richie, out of sheer boredom, went from pool hall to pool hall hustling people. No one would suspect a child to be a pool hustler and even less would suspect the amount of money he could put down on a game. Each night Richie suckered some idiot into playing pool with him only to screw them over by beating them and taking their money. One night Richie ended up hustling the wrong person and found himself dead. How likely is this scenario? VERY. 

                                                                            

Scenario 10.  DIED OF OLD AGE

No hold on a second! No way he could have died of old age, he is just a boy! ......or was he? What if Richie Rich used his billions of dollars to keep himself looking and feeling young? What if he was much older than his appearance led on? What if he had that disease Gary Coleman had that made him look like a kid but he was actually an adult? There is a good chance Richie was really Richard Rich and he was an old man the whole time. What if he just died of old age? On a likely scale of 1 to 10, this scenario would be a 10. 

                                                                      

Scenario 11. GETTING HIS HEAD RIPPED OFF BY IRON MAN

Hey, it could happen to anyone. 

                                                                       

Well there you have it, some pretty compelling evidence no? Did I prove that Richie Rich and Casper are one in the same? Absolutely. Did I solve the mystery surrounding Richie's death? Not even close. But what I did do was raise some very interesting questions. Sure there are far more than just 11 ways to die and I did show what scientists would call "overwhelming definitive proof." But I'm not willing to agree with them just yet, because in my eyes this mystery remains unsolved. Is Richie Rich dead? Certainly. Is Casper his ghost? Again the answer is certainly. How he died though remains a secret even to me, the world may never know. I will leave you with one more resounding question, if Casper has not been seen in quite some time is it possible, NAY PROBABLE, that he is now in hell? I think again, I answered my own question with this last bit of evidence.