STORY; How the Heather Stole Christmas

Way down in Georgia, where the peaches grow lived a happy family stringing up the mistletoe. This family liked Christmas a lot but the Heather who lived with them did not. "All the singing and presents tied up with string annoys me so much i dont want to give a thing!" Cried the angry Heather grumpy as a horse, she hated her happy family without remorse. "The worst are my two little nieces, i should jump up and down on their gifts and rip them to pieces!" No one quite knows why the Heather hated Christmas night, perhaps it was because her bra was two sizes too tight. Maybe it was because nail polish fumes went to her brain or maybe she sat on a big candy cane. Why Heather hated Christmas is still unknown but it probably has to do with the bill for her cell phone. "I can't take this holiday for one more year!" Yelled the cranky pants, "I'll stop Christmas from coming and then do a dance!" Then that mean old Heather do you know what she did? She got an idea, a horrible mean rotton idea that will make you flip your lid. "Oh I'll just stop Christmas from coming this year and then the only presents my family will get is a big fat tear!" The Heather went back to her cave (garage) and started to put her plan into action! Making a Chris Cringle suit so she could ruin her family's holiday would give her satisfaction. Pepper, Sable and Max had sticks tied to their heads as her innocent nieces slept soundly in their beds. Off she rode in a sleigh made from clay, off to her brother's house laughing all the way. She slunk up to the house, so quiet it was even for a mouse. She looked in the window where there was a perfect picture of Christmas cheer but she would ruin this image to make them think Santa was never here! "It's time for me to do my worst, these stupid looking stockings will go first!" Growled the rude Heather, moving around the house as light as a feather. The Heather worked liked fire, taking all she saw that big fat liar! She took their presents and their decorations, she took their holly leaf, why that stingy old Heather even took their roast beef! Heather took a Christmas cup then she would go to the chimmeny and stuff the crap up.
All of a sudden there was a small noise from above, soft like the coo of a dove. It was her baby niece who woke up, she came into the living room and said, "Sup." Heather began to sweat and shiver, what lie could she quickly deliver. "Why Santa, why are you taking our Christmas tree?" We all know Heathers are creative and she could lie on the spot, she came up with a perfect story to tell the tot. "This tree is too small for such a nice kid, I''ll go get you a bigger one and thats what i do done did." Fooling a small child is as easy as 1,2,3 and Heather secured her taking their tree. "Alright Santa, that sounds great, by the way, did you lose some weight?" "Why yes little girl i lost some weight, yet it didnt help me find a date..." With that the girl went back to bed, Heather wouldn't have to knock her over the head. She got back to work right away, destroying her family's Christmas day. And when she had finished the job she left the house and twisting the door knob. All she left on their walls was black spray paint that says, "you suck," and some hooks and wire not even adding up to a buck. She laughed and giggled as her dogs pulled the sleigh, "Now try to have a nice Christmas day!" Nearly dawn when Max let out a yawn, but the Heather was wide awake, she wanted to laugh so hard she would shake. "They'll be waking up right about now and I know just what they'll do, they'll come out of their rooms and say, boo hoo hoo!" She put her hand up to her ear and listened for a hear. Then she heard a sound but it wasn't that bad, no, it was a happy sound, not sad. "Those pukes! They sings! I took their Christmas, I took their things!" Heather tried to stop Christmas from coming but she could not, Christmas is more than gifts and food it can't be bought. "Maybe Christmas," said the Heather, "Means much more, perhaps its the thought?" And some say, what happened that day, on mount deer gut, was Heathers bra burst open as if it were cut. She got a massive smile on her cute face and she realized what she had done was a disgrace. "I will return these presents to my family, ill be such a hero, they will rate me at 10 and not a zero!" Heather flew down the mountain side happy with glee to return the gifts to her big family. And Heather, was the happiest of all because she learned Christmas doesn't come from the mall. Heather learned the true meaning of Christmas is inside each one of us, there is no need to be stressed and make a fuss. Heather had the best Christmas ever that day and her Christmas spirit lasted through the month of may. Her family loves her just the same, even if their Christmas never came. THE END

YOUR HOROSCOPE FOR THE DAY IS.....

ARIES: You're the kind of person that annoys everyone around you. Avoid social gatherings because although you get an invite, its only out of pity and you aren't really welcome. Suicide is still your best option at this point.

TAURUS: You may find yourself at odds at work and home when you find out your spouse is cheating on you with your boss. Getting upset won't help the situation, just accept the fact that you're a loser. A new career is in your future....because your boss is going to fire you.

GEMINI: Explosive diarrhea will continue to plague your love life, not that it really had much effect on it anyway. You will finally find the source of that horrid smell coming from your bedroom. You will find your long lost cat, in your bedroom. Allow the stars to guide you, they can't mess up any worse than you already have yourself.

CANCER: Your patience for that promotion at work is finally paid off when someone else gets the job. Expect travel in your near future as you take a trip to the state prison on fraud charges. Take comfort in knowing you were innocent of the crime. The stars predict a new lover comes into your life.

LEO: Your sex drought finally comes to an end when you're raped by a bigfoot. Nobody believes your story and you will end up in a mental hospital where killing yourself won't be easy. Better tie up all loose ends before your camping trip.

VIRGO: Spend time with the person that means the most to you, your hand. The stars predict a harsh winter for you, your food stores have not been filled as much as they should have been. Last minute acorns can be found under your neighbors tree, he is feeling trigger happy today.

LIBRA: Go ahead with your big idea, even if people call you crazy, insane, stupid, dumb, ugly, gay, retarded, moronic and smelly. A large sum of money is in your future when you get fined by the police for mooning them and then lying about it being a weather experiment.

SCORPIO: Get that costly sex change you've been after, you aren't fooling anybody. Eat hamburgers until you have the answer that you've been waiting for. Look for a LEO to really piss you off today, and tomorrow and the next day.

Sagittarius: Cancel that big trip, you have to plan for a funeral. Spend your life savings on something fun but don't go overboard, no one likes a show off. The stars show a lot of confusion has entered your life, to clear this up ignore everything important to you.

CAPRICORN: How many times do you have to fail before you just give up? At least once more say the stars. The cosmic powers have had enough of your pathetic attempts at trying to make something of yourself. Go to that special spot you like to spend time in and stay there for a week.

AQUARIUS: Food and water is overrated, do what you want to do even if it means jail time. Blame others around you for your short comings. You will step in dog poop and track it into your important interview which will ruin your chances of getting that new, better, good job.

Pisces: It's all over. You're going to die, sure we all are but a lot sooner and quicker for you. It will be painful and terrible and there is no way around this. Crying about it won't solve anything, suck it up you big cry baby. After all you are doing the world a favor. Say goodbye to your true love, your goldfish.

HOLIDAY: Halloween, my Jack-o Lantern

This year i decided to go with a white pumpkin. It's pretty much the same thing only its pure white, giving your Jack-o Lantern a special look. I never did one of these kind before tonight but i really liked how it turned out. It wasn't as messy as a normal orange pumpkin. I'm pretty classic with my pumpkins, i don't do characters or goofy faces or scenes, i like the old school scary looking Jack-o Lantern. I tried to make this guy look like hes going to fly through the night and tear off your face, and enjoy every second of it too. Welp, i just wanted to say Happy Halloween everybody. I could do a rant on this holiday and how people are trying to do away with it and all that junk, but i rather just enjoy it, but that's my two cents.

My Short Story, "Strike of the Bigfoot"

It was daybreak. The suns rays were now lighting up the landscape. Luke was happy to see the light, the darkness frightened him a bit. Sure he had been out in the woods before, but never totally alone. Today was his very first day of buck season and his father let him sit all by himself. Luke wanted to make his father proud, he wanted to prove that he could bag a trophy white tailed deer, like all those hanging on their wall back home. The forest was filled with its usual sounds, tiny birds chirping to each other, squirrels chattering as they hurled verbal abuse towards one another. The ground was white with a new dusting of snow and Luke could see his own hot breath on the icy cold morning air. “A deer had better show up right about now,” Luke thought to himself, already feeling irritable and impatient. Patience was not one of young Luke’s strong points but is it for any 12 year old? A strange looking black rock caught Luke’s attention, he didn’t remember seeing it there before but rocks don’t just get up and move. The black rock then, as if by magic, grew arms and legs and stood up and started to walk. “What in the hell is that animal?” Luke said out loud to himself. No animal walks upright like that, but that clearly isn’t human either. Puzzled and a bit scared Luke realized he had lost sight of the mysterious creature. It was gone and Luke was all alone again. No longer could he hear any of the animal noises he had been listening to all morning, it was dead silent. Then he heard a twig snap and he slowly turned his head to the right.
There he was, standing in front of Luke, the legendary Bigfoot himself! With his mighty arms stretched above his huge head, he stood over 8 feet tall. The creature was covered in hair and there was a stench about him that could peel paint off of a house. His human and monkey looking face showed furious anger. His massive jaw hung open baring his human-like teeth, all but the k-9’s, which hung in his mouth like daggers, dripping with saliva. The monster’s beady little eyes were solid red, like flames they flickered with fury. His claws were sickles, each one sharp enough to cut tree trunks in half. He was here, he was real and he was fucking pissed off. Then, all of a sudden a deep rumble began in his throat, his chest swelled and the Bigfoot let out this, god-awful roar. It shook the very tree Luke was sitting under. If Luke hadn’t been frozen with fear he would have covered his ears. Luke’s chin shook, he wanted to cry or scream or call for help but nothing came out, nothing came out other than urine. Luke peed his pants.
Like an angry worried mother, Luke’s mind was yelling at him, “Shoot it! Shoot it!” Luke’s hands clenched the gun but when they became tight they began to tremble and shake violently, he couldn’t hold it any longer because he was petrified with fear. The rifle slid slowly off his lap and onto the ground. The Sasquatch reached down, never taking his glare off of Luke’s terrified eyes. He picked up the rifle and held it at both ends with his brown dirty mitts. The colossal biceps bulged and flexed. He started to bend the gun, the metal creaked under the pressure and the wood cracked and splintered until the once straight gun was in a U shape, then with a half hearted toss to the side he threw the gun. That very gun brought down elk, deer and even a bear, but it was now as useless as the other sticks it lied next to in the snow.
The horrible beast took a step toward the frightened young hunter with his humungous foot. He reached out with his terrible meat hooks and grabbed Luke by his jacket. The coat was big so the Bigfoot had an easy time gathering the boy in his clutches. He pulled Luke in closer as he lifted him up in the air. The monster’s ugly awful face was now just inches from Luke’s. Luke could smell the stank breath of the Yeti, he could even see the rotting flesh caught in the huge teeth of whatever it was the creature had just killed and ate. Luke knew this living myth was just going to rip his arms out of their sockets and there was no avoiding it…or was there?
Luke remembered what the police who came to his school taught the kids. His mother also told him the same thing. There was but one way to dispatch a full grown man, no matter what his size. One special area, that if struck, would render a man incapacitated, allowing for an escape. It was Luke’s only chance. He looked down to the V where the bulky thighs met, this was his target. Luke pulled back his leg, this was easy because he was dangling in mid air like a butchered side of beef. The boy imagined a red rubber voit ball bouncing towards him in the most important game of kick ball of his short life. Luke was going for the home run. The desperate child wound up and kicked, he used all his might, all his strength, all his power, Luke put every bit of him into that kick and it was a direct hit. The enormous creature’s hideous face went from pure rage to a blank look, then tears swelled up in his red eyes, which now had lost their tiny flicker of wrath. A revengeful evil little grin started to spread across Luke’s face. Then the immense brows of Bigfoot furrowed, they came together so tight that they could have snapped a stick in half. His eye’s squinted and they glowed a furious red rage again. Sasquatch’s nostrils flared and Luke could hear the air being sucked in. His ivory teeth grinded together so rigid that Luke actually thought they may break. Bigfoot’s grip tightened and a low rumble, like a distant thunder clap, began to grow deep within his body. The sound came rushing up the throat like a geyser. His jaw dropped to 180 degrees and he let out the world’s most dreadful scream ever uttered by any living being since the dawn of time. Luke’s face was covered in spit and his hair was blown back, both of Luke’s ear drums exploded and shot blood out like a fountain. The yell actually broke sticks behind Luke’s head and it could be heard for 3.4 miles in every direction. Rocks split, a nearby squirrel lost his nuts, a bird flew into a tree, a chipmunk fell over dead and Luke, all empty of urine now emptied his bowels.
Luke had thought about death before, most people have. Would it be a car wreck of twisted metal and shattered glass to end Luke’s life? Maybe a rare heart condition would bring Luke to an end. Perhaps a common disease like aids or cancer would finally kill him off. Even in Luke’s wildest dreams and to the depths of his imagination he never, ever, EVER thought his demise would come by a Bigfoot tearing him apart, limb from bloody limb. At this point, in one smooth motion the crypto maniac let go of Luke and regained the clench at Luke’s wrists. Dangling like a rag doll, the abominable snow man began to spin Luke around in giant circles like an Olympic Hammer Thrower. Trees, leaves, sticks, branches, logs, the sky and the ground blurred into one uniform color as Luke spun, with each turn the ape-man gained speed. Luke screamed like a girl. If Luke wasn’t about to die this ride would have been better than any roller coaster on earth. All of a sudden, with a mighty groan Bigfoot released his grip. Luke flew high into the air, he hit branches and twigs, breaking tree limbs as he flew wildly through the forest sky. The tree’s outstretched branches unmercifully whipped Luke’s face as his arms and legs flailed. Like a cannon ball Luke’s body came crashing down through the boughs and landed with a great thud.
Had this throw come in an open field with no resistance, Luke would have easily been tossed 60 yards and slid another 5 yards before stopping. This throw came amongst trees however and they slowed him down so Luke only went about 40 yards. Now Luke would have never considered any part of this to be lucky, but this landing just happened to be very lucky because Luke didn’t end up on a stump or a rock or a log, no, he landed on a soft part of the forest floor. The hairy man let out a triumphant howl and beat his enormous chest with his sledgehammer-like fists. Luke opened his eyes, he began to feel his body part by part, miraculously he was ok, other than the cuts on his face. He could see Bigfoot regaining his composure and started a determined march with a single purpose right towards him. Bigfoot wasn’t done yet and he was coming over to finish the job. With as much gracefulness as a drunkard, Luke tried to get to his hands and knees. The world was still spinning. The last time Luke remembered being this dizzy was when his older sister tied him to a merry-go-round at the park and left him for several hours. In spite of this he had to get to his feet so he could run. The Sasquatch sensed this too and like a great locomotive he charged the boy, great puffs of steam poured out of the beast’s nose. Luke got to his hands and knees but didn’t have the strength to stand, let alone run for his life. The hatred filled Sasquatch was moving now like a tremendous machine. The youth looked over to see the wild man of the woods leave his big feet with a flying leap that would have made any professional athlete jealous. As he flew through the air towards Luke it was as if time slowed down. Luke saw the big foot extended as the creature began his decent. Closer it came with much force and power and all Luke could do was think to himself, “I probably shouldn’t have kicked him in the crotch like that.”

Blast from the Past: THE MYSTERIOUS CITIES OF GOLD

Back when i was 4 years old i watched a cartoon on Nickelodeon. This was and has been one of my all time favorite shows. It was a Japanese/French cartoon that was dubbed in English for American tv. There were only 39 episodes but each one continued the story from the episode before. The music was also outstanding, which i feel had a lot to do with the shows popularity.

The basic plot of the show was that a young boy travels to the new world in the 16th century with two friends in search of El Dorado, the city of gold. There are many people trying to find the city also and the kids have to deal with trouble the entire time. It was a great mix of scifi, history, and anime, very unique even by today's standards. Ill review what i remember and what i loved about this show and take you through each character.

Estaban is the main characters. He was saved from a sinking ship by Mendoza, a sailor who meets up with him much later in life. In the first episode Estaban's care taker, a priest, dies, leaving Estaban alone in the world. Its at this point where Mendoza shows up and says he will take him to the Americas in search of his real father. Estaban is very brave but is deathly afraid of heights due to the fact that unlike anybody else ever in Spain, he can make the sun come out. Sailors would tie him to their masts and hoist him up to bring out the sun for a good voyage. Estaban doesn't believe he can make the sun come out but as time goes by he realizes that he indeed can, this comes in handy many times. (you'll learn why) On the ship he meets a young girl who is a prisoner named, Zia.

Zia is an incan girl who was kidnapped by Mendoza and the Spaniards. They find that they both wear matching madallions, only Estaban's is in a cresent moon shape and Zia's is a full circle. Turns out Mendoza has the inner part of the madallion and has kept it since he saved Estaban as a baby. Mendoza knows that these two madallions are supposed keys for the cities of gold. He also believes that Zia knows the way to the cities, although she doesn't. Zia is known as a child of the sun, Estaban being the only other one.

Mendoza is the bad guy/ good guy. What is he? Its hard to say, everything he does is for greed and for gold, yet he does care for the children and it becomes apparent as the show goes on. Yet we never really know his true feelings. He is a Spanish navigator, trained by Magellian himself. He is trying to get to the cities of gold for pure greed, he tricks Estaban and Zia by telling them what they want to hear, that he will take Zia home and he will find Estaban's father. He is very brave and never afraid to fight. He helps the children through out the series and often is seperated from them.

Tao is the third child of the show. He kidnaps Zia from the beach because he believes she is part of his destiny, as the prophecy says anyhow. He is the last of an anciet civilization of Heva, the people who built the cities of gold and were very advanced as far as technology goes. Tao has a great ship called the Solaris. It is soloar powered and is faster than any Spanish ship that chases it. It can also shoot a heat lazer from the mast when it gathers the sun's energy. Tao is very proud and sometimes smug when it comes to his smarts. Tao goes with Estaban and Zia because he believes that he should be in the city that his ancestors built. Tao carries with him an encyclapedia of his people that has the answers to almost everything the kids need help with. Tao has a parrot named Kokapetl.

Kokapetl is a little green parrot that loves Tao and always repeats words. He alerts the kids of danger by flying ahead and keeping a look out. He is also afraid of Patu, Zia's pet condor that flys by from time to time when they get to South America. I've always wanted a little talking bird like Kokapetl since i saw the show.

Sancho and Pedro are Mendoza's hired sailors. Both are for comic relief and i really liked them as a kid. Pedro is tall and looks like a monkey. Sancho is a fat little guy who stutters. Both are very greedy and will do anything for gold, or the thought of gold. As the show goes on they do get a little more brave and do care for the children as well but their quest for gold never ends. I learned from these two that there is water in cactuses and if youre in the desert you can cut one open and drink from it. Very good lession for a 4 year old to learn!

Golden Condor is a flying machine built by Tao's people. It is found in a temple and amazingly it is solid gold. Sancho and Pedro find that it is some type of vehicle when they are in the cockpit trying to steal jewels. Turns out Zia's and Estaban's gold madallions work as the key. This was a major part of the show, the golden condor really represented the show. I always thought it was cool how the stick in it was a snake. (that scared Sancho and Pedro when they first saw it) With the flying condor they are able to get to many places. The condor cant fly at night however and needs the sun to operate. This is why Estaban's ability to bring out the sun is very important. Estaban also loses his fear of heights after flying in the golden condor.

The Spaniards follow close behind always trying to catch Zia and Estaban in hopes they will lead them to the cities of gold. They do catch them many times but there are many escapes. They are constantly trying though and never give up. They arent the only bad guys on the show, there are many indian tribes and people along the way who add to the adventures of the children.

I loved this show but it hasnt been on tv since about 1990, maybe even 89. For years it was lost and when the internet became very popular i decided to search for this show, not knowing much about it at the time. I thought the show was called the Seven Cities of Gold and back then search engines weren't as good as they are today so i never found anything. Then on September 11th i found a site all about the show. I was so excited and surprised to learn that the name was the Mysterious Cities of Gold. At that point a man who worked at the Penn State computer lab came in and told us terrorists had hijacked planes and crashed them into the world trade towers. I sat there and continued to look at the website i found instead, thats how much i loved this show.

I won't tell you how it ends but even when i forgot just about everything i never forgot the last episode. At the end of each episode it gives a preview of what will happen in the next episode and then it gives live footage of something that the show delt with. It shows Incan temples, Mayan Temples, anciet cities, places and people of south america, and much more. It was a very educational show and there is nothing like it on tv today, which is a shame. I loved this show and still do, if i could find it on DVD i would buy it without thinking but thats just my two cents.

For a ton more info, visit Sailor Heva's Mysterious Cities of Gold page. This site is GREAT and has many pictures, audio clips and music from the show!

THE AUTUMN WIND

The autumn wind is a pirate.
Blustering in from sea,
with a rollicking song he sweeps a long,
swaggering boisterously.
His face is weather beaten.
He wears a hooded sash,
with a silver hat about his head,
and a bristling black mustache.
He growls as he storms the country,
a villain big and bold.
And the trees all shake and quiver and quake as he robs them of their gold.
The autumn wind is a raider, pillaging just for fun,
he'll knock you round and upside down,
and laugh when hes conquered and won.

REVIEW: Apple iphone

It's time i threw in my two cents in on the famous Apple iphone. Phones of phones! Yours may differ and if you love your iphone, as so many of you do, well then keep on enjoying it. I, however, found the iphone to be worthless.

I'd like to start out by saying i did buy an iphone, which is what i thought was exactly what i wanted, hell i even went to 5 different places before i found any in stock, thats how much these things are being sold. They even just surpassed the RAZR as the most sold cell phone. When i bought mine the lady said i should get the apple protection plan they offer because it will really help cover the cost if the iphone were to break. See if you break your iphone dont panic, you can just by a new one...just not at the same price you just shelled out for it, in this case 199 bucks. You'll have to pay several 100 dollars more because 199 is only the price if you get the 2 year contract, and you have to do that with AT&T. I have nothing against AT&T, in fact i really wanted to switch to them. I asked what my phone bill each month would be in 4 different places, each said 69 something or other. Not too bad for a phone that can do anything under the sun! HOWEVER, what they don't tell you is once you add in the taxes, i would be paying 88 bucks a month...i wasn't thrilled but i still felt it was worth it.

So i get the 69 dollar plan because i heard a lot of these phones break, and rather easily i might add. One guy in best buy even showed me his cracked screen and said it was the perfect phone, other than that. The lady told me id REALLY NEED a protective covering, AND a screen cover because they scratch so easily. Ya know, is it just me or are those BAD selling points? Maybe she didn't think because i already told her i wanted one and most apple buyers are mindless drones that buy whatever apple says to buy, in either case red flags were going up in my head left and right, yet i ignored them and told her id be back to buy all that stuff. You'll hear a lot about iphones breaking and i figured out that the durability of the iphone is somewhere in between an egg shell and a sheet of glass. Too bad there isn't an app for anti-gravity so you'd never drop it.

So i turn it on and really want to play around with this thing, just check it out, get comfortable with it. That was a lot harder than i thought it would be. I couldn't get used to the slididng and touching of the screen. I was constantly clicking on things i didn't want, not clicking on things i did and over scrolling what i was looking for. I think this is just me though because im bad with an ipod as well but this just shows a reason why the iphone was not the best choice for me. I notice that none of the internet things were connecting for me, no itunes, no google, no yahoo, no email, no app store, no weather and im saying to myself, hmm well ill just make a call i guess?

Making a call with the iphone is as easy as 1,2,3.....4,5,6...7,8,9....10. With my old phone i had to press ONE button and hold it in, that was my speed dial and my call was on the way. With the iphone i first had to press the round button to bring back the screen from being black. Then i had to slide that button to unlock the screen. (Here i wont even mention how i had to close out of everything my iphone was trying to do in my pocket due to the screen touching stuff.) Then i had to scroll over to the contact icon. Then i had to click the icon. Then i had to scroll to the name i wanted to call. Then i had to click on that name. Then i had to click on the number in that name and hold it down. Then my call was finally being dialed. Thank you iphone, apple does make things more convient don't they?

Talking on the iphone itself was just annoying to me. Its so short and stubby that youre talking into thin air. I just don't like that, i kept asking if the person could hear me ok because my mouth was no where near the phone itself. Just a preference thing but it annoyed me.

At this point i said out loud, getting into my car on my way to an appointment, "I am NOT impressed iphone.....not impressed at all, in fact you're going to have to get A LOT better to even be half decent." Once at work i was able to really sit down and mess around with my iphone...unless my boss is reading this, in which case i was working very hard. So i still can't connect to the internet which i found makes the iphone pretty much....well, useless! 90% of what it can do is based on being connected to the net. I finally use the school's wifi and connect. It was VERY slow, im talking dial up slow. Again, not impressed with all this great internet talk. I went into that app store that i really wanted to utilize. I found you had to pay for all the best stuff, most of which was in the 4.99 range. That isn't so bad but buy several of those a month and you're screwed, after all my first bill was going to be 136 bucks because of the activation fee. So i decide to try out that typing i was looking forward to. See, i hate using a regular phone to text, and the phones with actual keyboards are way to small for me, so hearing that the iphone has keys on the screen that you just touch made me really excited. Again i found myself in disapointment. The keys were still so small that my fat little fingers kept pressing other keys and making it really hard for me to type anything. Now i was really scratching my head at why people were raving about this phone so much.

I went home and tried and tried to get connected. No wifi and that 3G network, that the entire phone is BASED ON, would not connect. No matter what settings i tried it would not work. Later i discovered that the 3G network isn't in my area, so i would have never been able to connect to anything. I didn't know it at the time but i was so pissed i decided then and there why not take it back? Now i wanted to keep it and try it and give it the benefit of the doubt (not that the iphone deserved it at this point) but you could only return it in 3 days, otherwise you wouldn't be refunded...sly AT&T dogs. Well then if that was the case, i would have no choice but to make a hasty decision and return it the very next morning.

The next morning i went into the AT&T store when it opened, they asked what they could do for me and i said, i want to return this. The earth stopped and the girl's heart did too when she pulled an iphone out of the bag. I just made history, the only person in the universe to return the iphone. She of course was shocked and asked what the matter was and i said, "I can't stand it." She looked at me as if i had lobsters crawling out of my nose. Shaking her head in disbelief she went on with the return process, letting me know there was restocking fee. That didn't piss me off because i hated that phone so much i would have paid anything to just be rid of the useless piece of shit. She went on shaking her head in sorrow. (i think it was because she felt sorry for the moron who was returning God's gift to cell phones.) She asked if i wanted to just get another phone and keep my AT&T plan but i said, "No, im going back to Verizon." They give my company a discount, not AT&T so why not go back to them?

I went to Verizon to look at some new phones. Turns out they make one called the blackberry storm, now i didn't know this but its just an iphone in every shape and form. In some ways its even better in others its not. The lady told me there that the 3G network isn't in that area and many people end up doing what i did. Thank you assholes at the AT&T store for not telling me that little bit of information, after all thats the entire basis of the iphone, ITS EVEN IN ITS NAME, THE IPHONE 3GS!!! fuckers. What i liked about the blackberry storm is that when you pressed on its screen, it actually moves and makes the click noise, something that i thought was better than the iphone. Its network, since it uses Verizon has the better range and i would find conncecting to the internet would actually happen in my house. Also go ahead and try to copy and paste something on the iphone, you won't be able to, but you can with the storm! I didn't end up getting one because the bill would be the same each month and they tried to upsell me screen protectors. So im just phoneless at the moment and i gotta tell you...its not that bad.

If you love your iphone, fine, thats your opinion and youre entitled to it. I just didn't. I didn't like spending all the money, i didn't like the inconvienice. I know Apple is known for making things sooooo easy and simple to use but when they made a phone that could do anything anyone would want they stepped into unknown territory because i really think they failed miserably. There is no way you can make a phone so complex and simple to use, and in my opinion they didn't. Without the internet the iphone is just a phone and as a phone it isn't near worth 88 dollars a month so getting rid of it was really in my best interest. So that was my experience with the iphone, if you love yours or want one, thats great and i hope youre happy with it. I just feel Apple could sell crap in boxes if they said you need it. I bet there are a lot of people out there who aren't as happy with their iphone as they thought they would be or that let on but God forbid anyone be the first to say it. I think its a lot like the story of the emporor's new clothes. No one will speak up about the truth they see right in front of their faces. I guess im the little boy in the crowd yelling out, "HE'S NOT WEARING ANY CLOTHES!"

To grade the iphone, for being a phone and making calls i give it a C. Not great but adequate. For all the cool things and apps it has id like to give it an A, but since i couldn't use them and a lot of them do cost money i give it an F. For color choices, black or white again an F because come on Apple, there are more than 2 colors people like. For the ability to do just about anything ill give it an A, because it really can do whatever you want er...wait a sec....not copy and paste like the blackberry storm, make that an A-. For me the Apple iphone 3Gs was like a car without wheels. Sure i could sit in it, the radio worked, i could open the doors and trunk and it looked cool, but if you can't drive it then what use is it? But that's just my two cents.

SPORTS: Fourwheel riding

My cousin Michael, his fiance Katie, Maria and i went four wheel riding Labor Day weekend. We had a lot of fun. Where are our helmets? Maybe we should have though. We did a lot of jumping, as you can see by the pictures and a lot of jumps equals a lot of fun! Im glad i bought this fourwheeler, its loud and powerful and most importantly its a Polaris. Everyone should go for a good old fashioned dirty ride on a fourwheeler, but thats my two cents.