Thursday, December 24, 2015


Every year during the busy Christmas season, we are bombarded with Christmas songs. That's a great thing because it really gets me in the holiday mood. Festive songs give me a lot of Christmas cheer. However, there are also a few songs in there that I just hate with a passion and I can't stand when they come on the radio or are being played in a store. It happens often because some of these songs are other  peoples favorites! Keep in mind, these are just my opinions and almost nobody shares them with me. This list is my absolute WORST top 10 songs you'll hear this Christmas.

#10. Frank Sinatra - Mistletoe and Holly

You probably don't know this one, so consider yourself lucky. Frank Sinatra tried to make a cute little song that would become a holiday classic, instead he made a stupid song nobody liked. Oddly enough, I still hear it a few times on the radio. The thing that bugs me the most is he says people eat "tasty pheasants,"....since when Frank? You moron, you just wanted something to rhyme with presents! People eat turkey, or ham or even saying something about a Christmas goose would be Dickenish, but pheasants? You're a jerk Frank Sinatra and this song was a poor attempt at another big hit. Oh it was a hit alright, a hit and a miss. 

#9. Faith Hill - Where Are You Christmas

Shut up Faith Hill, no one cares. Where are you Christmas? Why can't I find you? Why should I give a shit? This was a stupid song from a stupid movie (I actually really enjoyed the live action Grinch movie) but the song was CLEARLY a way to make a single for money. It doesn't make any sense outside of the context of the movie. It was kinda dumb in the movie as well. Either way, Faith Hill sings this song as if she cares about it, all dramatic and serious and I just want to say to her, "Hey..........shut up." So shut up Faith Hill, your song sucks! 

#8. Anyone - Baby It's Cold Outside

Hey, I like that friendly drunk as much as the next guy, but I really hate songs that have singing going on at the same time by two different people singing two different things. This song is the epitome of that. STOP SINGING DIFFERENT THINGS AT THE SAME TIME! I can't tell what this is about other than the dude wants in the girls holly jolly pants and won't let her leave. Hmmm, sounds familiar to me....oh wait, it is just a rip off of the other better Christmas song, "Let it Snow, Let it Snow, Let it Snow." This song has been done by anyone who thinks they can sing and baby, it's getting old outside

#7. Bruce Springsteen - Santa Claus Is Coming To Town, Live Version

Great song but butchered by this guy. He doesn't sing the correct lyrics, and he doesn't follow the correct tune we all know and love. Also, is it just me or was this guy drunk when he sang this song?? You can actually HEAR the sweat coming out of his face as he sings this. Then he starts laughing at one point, that's not professional. A horrible version and I hear it all the time in December. It isn't near the worst thing out there though. 

#6. Wham, or whoever else sings this crap - Last Christmas

First of all, about Last Christmas, it isn't even a Christmas song at all. I'm going to point that out right away. It is about something that happened AT Christmas and has NOTHING to do with the actual holiday. It is also a very negative song about a cry baby that clearly had no clue what they were doing and "gave their heart" to someone for Christmas that the VERY NEXT DAY, gave it away. Let me translate this for you, "YOU had SEX with YOU, and then you thought you were in love, but the other person was just drunk at a Christmas party and used you...get over it, you were the stupid one." Then I always laugh that they wait AN ENTIRE YEAR to throw it in that person's face by saying they'll give their heart to someone special. Oh yes, you're clearly over that person if you've waited 365 days just to say this to that person, write a song about it, and act like you don't care. YOU CARE! You're just a loser. Not a Christmas song Wham. Not a Christmas song just because it has the word Christmas in it. 

Wow, I got through that without making a gay joke about George Michaels getting a package stuffed in something other than his stocking. Self-restraint or Christmas miracle? Either way, I'm proud of myself. 

#5. Andy Williams - Happy Holidays 

This is such a confusing song. It really sounds like two different dumb songs were spliced together to make one horrible pile of crap. At first when he is singing about happy holidays, it's like, ya, I can like this song, it's pretty good. But then he goes into the rest of the song and the tune changes and he tries to be...I don't know what, cute or something? Here are all the things wrong with this song. YOU CAN'T HANG A PEPPERMINT STICK ON A TREE DUMBASS. I'm sure he means a candy cane, but he doesn't say that, he says peppermint stick, sure we know what he means but I just hate him. Then he says to hang up your sock.....sock? Sock, really? YOU MEAN STOCKING???? Sure, again we know what he means, but he just isn't trying so I'm not going to try and entertain his lack of rhyming words. He then says Santa will come just at exactly (redundant) 12'O'clock.......says who??? Where does it say that's when Santa comes?? He can't come to every house at midnight you jackass, there are too many of them, he has to pace himself and spread them out! Either way what comes next is the worst lyric of any holiday song, "he'll be coming down the chimney down." WHAT THE HELL DOES THAT MEAN??? WHY DID YOU SAY DOWN AGAIN??? I hate this song but then it ends by going back into the good part of the song, which I wish just stayed that song in the first place, BUT NO! 

#4. Sir Paul McCartney - Wonderful Christmas Time

Boy do I hate this crappy song. I remember the first time I heard it in the Gap all those years ago. I was like, what the hell instrument is playing this song, a bouncing ball??? Still haven't answered that question, but I really don't care enough to look into it. Everyone loves this song too, that's really the worst part about it. It gets played a ton this time of year, as I'm sure you all know. You then yell, I LOVE THIS SONG! and turn it up, while I just try to poke out my ear drums. 

#3. Elvis Presley - I'll Have A Blue Christmas 

Yes, I hate this song. Probably because Elvis was a terrible singer, but more likely it is because the first line of this song. Did you ever notice Elvis crams the words, "I'll have a," into one word??? You can't just do that! It's not even English. The background singers really ruin this song as well. Not sure whose idea it was to have that high pitched wailing as his backup, maybe they thought if they sound terrible it will make Elvis sound better? Nice try, didn't work. The upright bass is also boring in this song, it just repeats over and over again. I have a blue Christmas every time this song plays. 

#2. Beach Boys - Little Saint Nick

The Beach Boys, nothing says Christmas time like a group that exclusively sings about surfing and cars (in that order). Well, nobody told them not to make a Christmas album so that's just what they did! Their worst song, of all time, hands down, is clearly, Little Saint Nick. They took 2 minutes to write it, another 2 to record it, but it has created a life-time of misery for me. So let me get the song's story right, Santa Claus has a car at the North Pole (good, there are a lot of roads for him to drive up there) and then he names it after himself??? Worst name for a car on the planet earth, btw. It's just such a stupid, terrible song. It just makes no sense and I hate it. It doesn't have a catchy tune, AND it doesn't have cute lyircs, AND it was a bad idea, AND no one cares about it, AND did you notice the part where they keep saying "and" in it??? It is really annoying, AND it sucks. Go back to the beach and stay out of the north Beach Boys. It's just a bad song, they tried and they failed.

#1. Santa Baby - Madonna 

Here it is, the worst Christmas song of all time, in my opinion, and the one I hate to hear but am forced to hear it, every single year. Maybe it doesn't suck as much as it is just plain annoying. This song just sucks so much I can't even make an analogy up about Madonna sucking right along side of her song. I just don't know what this song is about, is this a girl that is hitting on Santa? Does she just want stuff so she is acting like she likes him? Is she just calling her husband or boyfriend Santa? Is she a full grown adult who thinks Santa is REAL?? I don't know and can't figure it out because who would find Santa attractive? Then again, it is Madonna so I guess if anyone out there is willing to have sex with Santa Claus, it would be her. I don't know and don't care. I first started hating this song when it was on a commercial years and years ago. Maybe just because that cow Kirstie Alley was singing it, I don't know. I hate all versions of this song and wish it would get outlawed, but I don't see that happening any time soon. 

Well thank you for sitting through that, but to be fair I have to sit through all these idiotic songs each Christmas, so I guess we're even. These are the WORST Christmas songs on the radio, but that's just my two cents.

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