Tuesday, April 14, 2015

MY TOP TEN WORST MUPPETS OF ALL TIME

I love the Muppets. I have for years. From the old original Muppet Show to Fraggle Rock to Sesame Street to the Muppet Babies, and all the movies in between, I have always found the Muppets to be entertaining and enjoyable. However, like in any family, there is always a few members you just wish would die or at the very least, you'd never hear from again. Here is my list of what I think are the top ten worst Muppets of all time. Trust me, this wasn't easy there were a ton to choose from. 




NUMBER 10. DR. TEETH 
Yes, Dr. Teeth, which I always had a hard time as a kid not pronouncing it, "Dr. Tooth" because of his one shiny gold tooth and because otherwise his name is plural, but whatever. Don't get me wrong, I like his band and everyone else in it, I just hated that he was the front man. His voice was annoying as Rowlf's and his bad posture made me sit up straight in my seat when he came on TV. He played the piano but I just never liked him. I think the band should have voted him out. 


NUMBER 9. ANIMAL 
Oh calm down, yes I said Animal. Not only did he make my list, he wasn't even last. Say what you will, I never liked Animal. I always found him to be loud and obnoxious. What is he anyway? A jerk? Yes, I think that is what he was supposed to be. They had to chain him up he was so terrible. Besides, it's not like the band couldn't have found another drummer. One that wouldn't just scream and throw things and attack people. 


NUMBER 8. CRAZY HARRY 
Ok, I'm not going to say this is a racially offensive character but I'm also not, not going to say it either. Pretty sure we've seen the last of old Crazy Harry, considering bombing things is a serious and offensive thing to make fun of nowadays. Which is good because all this guy ever taught us was, if you don't like something, blow it up with a bomb. Any time I saw him come on TV I was like, "Oh I wonder if he will blow something up?" Then he did and no one was shocked or entertained. 


NUMBER 7. SAM THE EAGLE 
Don't sit here and tell me I just, "didn't get the joke," about Sam. I did, I just never found him to be funny. He was uptight, rude, and clueless and I hated him. Every time he came on I was like, oh get off the stage. I understand he didn't like the other Muppets and he was trying to be classy and refined, I get it, it's just not funny. They often had a big hook come out to drag him off, I DID appreciate that. 


NUMBER 6. LEW ZEALAND 
Yes that's his name. I'm sure you knew that. I'm sure you didn't think his name was, "The Fish Thrower Guy." Kind of a really stupid character and really boring. He threw boomerang fish. That's all he did. Talk about a one trick pony. It wasn't even that funny of a thing...to throw fish. Maybe if he threw crap and said it was boomerang shit but it never came back, it just hit the other Muppets in their face, that would have been funny. His voice was incredibly annoying as well from what I remember. If he didn't talk I could stand him throwing a fish or two but even as a 5 year old I was rolling my eyes at his antics. 


NUMBER 5. BEAUREGARD 
Look at that terrifying face ladies and gentlemen. I hated this moron. He was the janitor for the Muppet Show and they made him out to be some idiot. Like most Muppets, I never knew exactly what he was supposed to be. He had a stupid voice and he messed things up for people. The show just didn't need him. "Let's add one more idiot to our show!" Yes, that's what you needed. To be honest he kind of freaked me out but he acted so much like an idiot that I wasn't afraid of him. 


NUMBER 4. RIZZO THE RAT
What a terrible waste of a Muppet. I hated this guy. Sure in the movie, "Muppets Take Manhattan," having a rat character made sense because when you think of New York, you think of big disgusting vermin in restaurant kitchens, skating around in frying pans. But aside from that appearance this jerk shouldn't have been written into any script. I'd invite him over to my house for a nice big delectable hunk of Decon. Someone please set out the mouse traps for this rat-bastard. 


NUMBER 3. ROSITA 
I'm SO GLAD Sesame Street got a Spanish influenced Muppet character. Lord knows they didn't have enough Spanish influenced characters on that show. Now we have a Muppet that can teach Spanish to children. Haha, do we need that??? They should make her teach English because I think more children speak Spanish in this country right now. From the dumb look on her face to possibly the most annoying voice of any Muppet, Rosita is by far the worst thing on that show today. TRUST ME,  that says a lot considering Abby Cadabby, Zoe, and Alice Snuffelupegus are on that show too. Rosita is more annoying than all three of them put together and it's the only Muppet I have an incredibly strong desire to just punch in its face as hard as I can. 


Speaking of Zoe, how did she not make this list?? That stupid nasally voice and her God awful laugh...makes me want to snap her neck every time she does it, and considering her neck is just some guy's wrist...sorry, I got side tracked and I'm just confused by their anatomy. 


NUMBER 2. PEPE THE KING PRAWN 
I'm not sure what makes me hate this terrible Muppet so damn much. Perhaps it's his hideous appearance, making him by far the ugliest of all Muppets. Perhaps it's his annoying voice that makes me want to poke out my ear drums so I don't have to hear him. Perhaps it's the fact that out of the entire animal kingdom, a king prawn would be your very last choice of something to use for a puppet. Who thought the idea of this horrible creature was a good one??? I'll never know how he got from the drawing board to the end of some other idiot's hand. If I saw this thing in real life I'd step on it and kick dirt over it. As stupid as he is, he still isn't the worst Muppet of all time...


NUMBER 1. CLIFFORD 
By far the absolute WORST Muppet of all time, in my opinion, is Clifford. If you don't recognize Clifford, don't feel bad because anyone who remembers this loser remembers him for destroying that show. He was the host of "Muppets Tonight" a terrible show that lasted a short time and I think mainly because of this jackass. I guess he is a guy but he just looks like a big purple/pink Jamaican cat fish. He wasn't funny, he wasn't charming, he wasn't entertaining, he wasn't cute, he wasn't informative, he wasn't necessary, and he ruined the show and sent the Muppets into a tailspin that took them years to recover. Every time he opened his mouth I was like, "Get this horse's ass off the screen, PLEASE." His hair was dumb, his face was dumb, his voice was dumb, just everything about this moron screams dumb. We didn't need you Clifford, you asshole, we had Kermit! At least Kermit kept his show running for years while you made yours tank! The Muppet Show is coming back soon and we all can hope they leave this dope off the list, at least they will if they know what's good for them. 


Well there's my list. I hated all of these Muppets and some, like Animal, just won't go away. I know I'm alone in some of these choices, considering Animal is probably a fan favorite for many of you but it's just how I feel. There are a ton of great Muppets out there but sometimes they create one that just misses the mark. 



Ok more on Clifford. What an asinine character! The first time he ever appeared on tv he was talking to Kermit and they did this joke that totally bombed and you could tell no one at home was laughing or even cracked a smile because he just wasn't funny. He sang the theme song and it's like, WHY ARE YOU PUSHING THIS GUY DOWN OUR THROATS??? WE HATE HIM. I'm so glad it went off the air because Clifford was the main reason and that just sent a huge message to Brian that Muppet fans expect more from him. Give us crap like this again and your new show won't make it to 10 episodes. I watched all the episodes of Muppets Tonight but honestly if you put this stupid son of a bitch on the new show I swear I'll turn it off and won't watch an episode EVER.

Clifford, worst Muppet of all time, but that's just my two cents. 




No comments: